Thread: today
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Old 4th May 2006, 08:23 PM   #7
helenrw200
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Re: today

Amanda

Believe me I know that horrible feeling only too well. A few months ago my partner didn't turn up at work and work phoned to see where he was, for over 24 hours he just disappeared, turned off his mobile etc. Then I got a txt saying " on my way home babe " and home he came, said he'd needed time to think, was desperately sorry for hurting me ( this was just after I'd found the SIM card ) couldn't believe he'd hurt me so badly, had to earn my trust etc etc . I believed him, took him back, but every night after he'd gone to work, I was waiting for work to phone and ask where he was, I still do.

He rings at 8.30 at night during his lunch break and if he's a few minutes late, I assume he's gone, if he's late home, which he often is as he has to stay til work is completed I think he's not coming home, it's 3 in the morning, imagination takes over, panic lurks. It's a horrible way to live.

He doesn't get this, he thinks that giving me his word that he won't ever just disappear again should be enough ( he knows my biggest fear is someone just disappearing ), it isn't, it can't ever be.

I don't worry as much now, as time's gone on I've come to the conclusion that if he wanted to disappear he would, I wouldn't know anyway til he'd done it, but sometimes I can't help thinking about it.

I had to smile at your scenario of what would happen if you found him in bed with a woman , although it isn't at all funny , because over the last few years I've heard it all, all the denials, even when confronted with proof and it's EXACTLY the sort of thing my partner would say.

I don't know why they do it , cheap thrill ? A belief they won't get caught ? I don't think even they know for sure.

All I know now is, I don't believe a word he says , don't trust him an inch and probably never will. Nothing's changed despite his promises, and how am I to know he hasn't carried on doing it ? after all I only have his word for it, and that's worth zilch !

I don't think it matters how good a sex life you and H have, it certainly didn't make a difference to my partner, ours was good .......it has suffered, it's hard to make love to someone with all these pictures of what he might have done with other women going through your head, I guess I hold back a bit now.

It's so hard to love someone when you can't trust them, it spoils the intimacy you had, we used to be very tactile, but now I find it impossible to be that natural with him, and I guess he feels the same way.

His over- riding emotion seems to be anger, he gets angry because I've checked up, doesn't even allow me time to say much, it's always all about what I've done, throws the heat off him I guess.

I wish you well Amanda, I hope you can work things out.

Love

Helen
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