Thread: today
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Old 5th May 2006, 09:12 AM   #11
hoxton
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Re: today

Thanks Lovey,

Tuesday evening has always been my night out for darts (not that I enjoy going anymore) I can't concentrate I play crap most the time and I sit there completely stressed my mind is at home and thinking about what he is up to, Tues has been his night to himself and those are the nights they shared there sick pics and chatted away and he god only knows what he was doing on the pc, It was when I came home from darts earlie that I found him with the second phone in the bathroom. And thurs nights because I know that he used to call her on his way home from darts every week, I still go on a tues but I dont like it. and as for thurs I take a sleeping tab cos other wise I would be a wreck, I keep thinking what if he meets her on a thurs and does not even go darts, and then he talks to her all the way home, I have often thought about following him, soppose I am frightened I will get cought. And the fact I am trying to trust him, Or maybe thats a cop out maybe it's because I am to scared of what I might find hey.

And your right about the gym I hurt the muscle just below my calf and I have not been able to run for the past week or so. I am now using the cross trainer instead I do an hour of cardio a day then my weights sit ups and stretchs.

But when I was younger I was into gymnastics dance and athletics not to mention once I hit 16 I ended up being bulimic, Most people if they want to lose weight just dont eat no not me I am so greedy I binge and chuck up, I have not been sick for 13 years but I did slip up two tuesdays ago I ate so much at darts felt really guilty come home and chucked up, I dont know why I did it, I then felt guilty ashamed and disgusted with myself and cried some more, Not done it since and wont,

I know it's just me gaining control over my life, I have always had this issue with not feeling loved for who I am, pretty screwed up really, Went through counciling for 10 years on and off, and thought I finaly found someone who loved me for being me and not for what I looked like I went up to a size 12 at 5foot7 that is still quite slim I thought and I was really happy, now look at me, but I have to go cos it makes me feel better about myself,

Lovey twice (wow) We are twice a week for the past couple of yrs but every other month or so we would have a kinky session so I thought that was enough, Obviously not.


Helenrw200,

Your so right in when you say you can repair it but the cracks are always gonna be there, that is exactly the way I feel,

I also love the idea of catching him out I just dont think I am emotionaly ready for dealing with the consiquences. But I am working on getting myself strong again I start college sept hopefully and the baby should start nursery so I am sure things will get better,

Feel ok this morning,

Lets hope we all have a nice weekend.

Amanda x

Last edited by hoxton; 5th May 2006 at 09:38 AM.
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