Thread: today
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Old 11th May 2006, 08:47 AM   #43
hoxton
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Re: today

Hi Helen,

I only walked out because I was young and had no kids I moved in with him when I was 16 and left when I was 18 but I was going out with him since I was 15, and I think I knew that as I was getting older that the fact he was trying to get hold of me since I was just 15 even poss 14 was not right, I was not a forward girl I never started my periods untill I was nearly 16 so my body was very much like how you would expect a ten year old to look....
When your young you feel your all grown up but it isnt untill you grow up you actually realize this man who was trying to get hold of you was 22 and I was 15 still at school and like I said was very young I was still playing run outs around the flats........ So when I woke in the night to find him on top of me that was my wake up call, I knew there was something not right about him.
I only saw him a few times after that but he has lost the plot went all crazy and religious, His sister had called me to tell me that he was looking for me. He was walking the street with a tea towle on his head screaming " Amanda you have to come home now" My family thought it was funny but I was scared. Then one day I saw him up the local market I left preety quick, The next day after my H went to work there was a knock at the door I thought my H left his keys or something so I told my 5 yr old to open the door for Daddy, I could here him saying Hello my name is john, The panic that went through me oh my god I ran out and grabbed my boy pulled him in and shut the door he was kicking my door saying you have to come home it is time to come home now... He was going on about me being the virgin mary and that my son was his by imacualate conception He ran before the police got to my home, They did find him and they arrested him put him on remand and moved me to another area so he could not find me. I have only seen him once since then but his family tell me he is still the same and that he went to see aladin 7 times because he thought the women in it was me.............. He needs help but wont get it he smokes to much dope.
Him finding me to this day is my biggest fear.
My H did not take it seriously, My Dad found his and told him to stay away from me and all he would say to my Dad is she has to come home,

Thats why I desperately want my marraige to work my H is the first person in my life who is "normal" ish he does not do drugs he is settled and secure and wants to raise his kids right my family are really dissfunctional and I have worked so hard to break away from them and not raise my kids around them I want to break the chain and I have but I soppose I am scared that if I dont have him I might end up getting sucked back in. They all say I am only the way I am because of him and I know they would love to see my marraige crumble and see me on the floor just so they can say see your just like the rest of us, But I am not I never was I always knew I was different and I always knew I would be more.
We all laugh about it and say I must of been swapped at birth, They can change if they want too but they like living the way they do.

Dont know why I am banging on about all of this I just think that if you know a bit about my past it can help you understand why I want my marraige to work so much.

Take care,

Amanda x

Last edited by hoxton; 11th May 2006 at 08:54 AM.
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