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Old 13th May 2016, 12:10 PM   #5
ralfgarnett
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,076
Re: An open apology to Chosen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
You have been hurt and damaged. Maybe the anger you felt towards me was actually the anger you feel/felt towards your wife?
Try not to keep feeling angry with yourself over this. God will have forgiven you if you have asked Him so its all dealt with now.
Hi Chosen, since my wife left I have felt severe pain, rejection, betrayal, sadness, confusion, shame, disbelief, grief, loneliness and frustration and probably many other emotions too, but hardly any private anger at all and never once directly towards her in person in any form, the only thing one could consider as direct action was the changing of the door locks but we clarified that at the time and she even agreed that had she been in my position she would of done the same.

My lovely new counsellor asked me if I was angry on Wednesday and a good friend of mine asked me why I'm not fuming angry with her ?, he says I have the right, but I don't feel angry and don't want to feel angry with her I just miss her very much and I cry every day over her loss and the loss of all we shared and enjoyed together.

I believe anger is a negative emotion and can only make one bitter and I don't want to be bitter, I need to grieve and mourn her loss and the death of our marriage and find acceptance which is one of my goals via counselling, in all the years I spent with her I was never angry with her I just cant be angry with her even now, as you have said previously all she has done is exercise her free will of which god allows and she has chosen a different life that doesn't include me, as I have said before I neither like or agree with it but I have no say in the matter not one bit, so I m trying to take control of the things I do have a say in ie, me.

I didn't keep her under lock and key when she was here, she could come and go as she wanted, we both could, I cant be angry with someone who has made a lifestyle choice for her self, I don't agree with it or like it one bit but there is nothing I can do about it and I am not going to get angry over it, I saw her a few weeks ago and I simply gave her a big smile, asked how she and her family were, and we embraced and I gave her a kiss on the cheek, must admit she didn't look well and she has put on weight and her hair is greying more, I asked her to ring me for a chat to which she agreed but I am still waiting, so ................................. ?.

I want to keep the lines of communication open, and I don't want her to feel intimidated in any way, and if I display anger to her then she would see me out of character and it could scare her off, she knows where I am and how to contact me, and she knows she can turn to me for help or advice about anything if ever she needs me, I will never turn my back on her and I feel no resentment towards her in any way and she knows all this, you see even though she has hurt me, I still love her with all my mind, body, and soul, and I pray every day that god watches over her and keeps her safe and well, and maybe one day in his benevolence maybe he could show us the way back to reconciliation of some kind, but we will see, guilty of blind faith, hope, or plain stupidity ? only time will tell.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 14th May 2016 at 02:58 PM.
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