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Old 26th September 2011, 09:41 AM   #1
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help wife left and i wrecked my chance

cant make this short as i need to explain so bear with me because i desperately need help.

My wife and I had a lovely summer together i thought although now i see the signs. I have always drunk quite often, only at home, and it has been a big problem.

6 sept and i had some beer, wife went out and said not to be drunk when she got back. I hate the way that she is always out so I was drunk and she just gave me my pillows and went to bed. Didnt talk much on the 7th and on the 8th she told me that she was leaving and couldnt go on. She said something just snapped but it was a long time coming.

She saw how much it hurt me and that this time I had finally listened and woken up but that she has given me all the chances to change that she could. she moved out to her mums.

She had thrown herself into sports this year, was always out doing them and I filled my time with beer and my daughter. We werent really talking or showing each other much affection although I see now that she never stopped trying. She went out to escape and i would drink to punish her. She says that we drifted apart and want different things. That she loved me but wasnt sure she was in love with me anymore.

On the 10th she came and we had a nice talk, like we used to when we were younger and actually spoke to each other. We got together after she was 18 and have been married 14 years with a 7 year old daughter.

She said that because she could see the change she wasnt sure about her decision and needed time and space to sort her head out. She is having a mid life crisis. She decided to change her life this year, lost weight, got into sports, lost her job in june and doesnt know what she wants to do, met lots more people. I couldnt give her the space while it was still so raw and kept pushing and trying.

On the 18th the three of us had a lovely day out climbing and we really enjoyed talking. She was going away that night for a few days space in brecon to clear her head and do some climbing. When she left we had a nice hug and kiss and she sounded positive, that we would be ok months down the line. Untill this point she had been quite positive and even told my family that we just needed to work stuff out.

There is another issue though, she had become very close to her climbing buddy. She texted him 300 times in the 30 days before and called him for an hour the night that she left. I believe that she hasnt cheated but there is more than just chat about climbing, some emotional link and it has woken something up inside her. She lied about brecon and has never done that before, we have never lied to each other so I knew that something wasnt right.

I had a melt down while she was away. I rang the friend that she was supposed to be going with, rang another of her friends, rang the climbing buddy that I feared she was with, rang the climbing center that she was at, found and rang the hotel that she wasnt supposed to be at. She just wanted to be alone I think hence the cover story.

When she got back on 20th she was furious, said that I had made the decision for her. That we are over, the seperation is final and changed her fb status to seperated.

We talked next day and she understand why I melted down but is angry and says her decision is made.

on 22nd we talked and she said that she wants to move on, meet other people, meet other men, have a snog, be alive, and wants me to be with other women. I didnt think that I could hurt anymore but hearing that was a new low.

23nd she went away for a long weekend with the girls, something booked ages ago and called me a few times but I didnt contact her. She came around last night and we talked about her time away. I tried it on but she resisted, said that it would be too emotional and cloud her decision and feelings since she was only just getting them under control. She was the one since the beginning talking about us staying good friends - friends with benefits.

I asked and she did say that she hadnt missed me. I dont think that she has missed me at all through this and has been out constantly with friends and partying. She hasnt wanted to try at all to fix this or to take time to think about it.

She wouldnt risk any sex in case it was emotional and she wanted to come back. She is trying to completely distance herself and I feel her doing it. She says that she has made her decision and has to stick with it.

I havent touched a drop in almost 3 weeks and realised that I dont need it in anyway, I am trying to change and have realised just how much I do love her even though I had lost sight of that and thought that I didnt really.

I know that I shouldnt push and just need to be positive now, change myself and hope that the new us enjoy each other and some months down the line can sort this out. But I feel desperate, I see hope disappearing in the rear view mirror and talk of meeting new people seemed like a new step in her moving on.

I feel like I have to try now before she becomes completely detached and comfortable being single and meets someone.

I know that I need to change for me, be positive, get out and make some friends (never did before because I only needed her) and hope that sometime in the future the new her wants to try again with the new me. But letting go is so hard, especially when I see her enjoying herself so much and knowing that other men are on the horizon and she wants it.

I love her so much, wtf do I do?

Last edited by richyc; 26th September 2011 at 10:29 AM.
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