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Old 5th October 2015, 02:25 PM   #1
msjlhunter
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 15
Update for 'Courage to leave my 11 year marriage'

Hi guys,

I just wanted to let everyone know who helped me with my tricky situation which was below..

**I am thinking about leaving my marriage after 11 years of been together. We have had more down times than up times. For the first 4 years of our relationship he would beat me, verbally abuse me and control me.. It was only when i learnt to hit back that he would stop. I have cheated on him twice which he knows about, i did offer to leave him but he didn't want me too. He wanted to make things work.

That was almost 6 years ago now and things are no better. Just recently he has been getting really hurtful with his words again, making allsorts of threats, calling me names and vowing that if i leave him he will hurt me.

I have found somewhere else to live but as you can imagine i am a little apprehensive of leaving him..

Any words of courage or help that people can give me will help me a lot as i have not spoke to any of my family about this.. He is 15 years older than me and is very much stuck in his ways.**

I just wanted to let all those people who helped me know that I did it :-).. I have left him, moved into my own place and am so much happier..

Thank you everyone again for your help and support.

x x x
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Old 5th October 2015, 02:29 PM   #2
ralfgarnett
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,076
Re: Update for 'Courage to leave my 11 year marriage'

Quote:
Originally Posted by msjlhunter View Post
Hi guys,

I just wanted to let everyone know who helped me with my tricky situation which was below..

**I am thinking about leaving my marriage after 11 years of been together. We have had more down times than up times. For the first 4 years of our relationship he would beat me, verbally abuse me and control me.. It was only when i learnt to hit back that he would stop. I have cheated on him twice which he knows about, i did offer to leave him but he didn't want me too. He wanted to make things work.

That was almost 6 years ago now and things are no better. Just recently he has been getting really hurtful with his words again, making allsorts of threats, calling me names and vowing that if i leave him he will hurt me.

I have found somewhere else to live but as you can imagine i am a little apprehensive of leaving him..

Any words of courage or help that people can give me will help me a lot as i have not spoke to any of my family about this.. He is 15 years older than me and is very much stuck in his ways.**

I just wanted to let all those people who helped me know that I did it :-).. I have left him, moved into my own place and am so much happier..

Thank you everyone again for your help and support.

x x x
Well done MSJ I am glad you are away from that abusive toxic environment, I wish you all the luck in the world and hope in due course you find full happiness in your life, it's the very least you deserve after all you have been put through by that monster, all the best RG xx
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Old 5th October 2015, 03:13 PM   #3
notDoneYet
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Posts: 1,297
Re: Update for 'Courage to leave my 11 year marriage'

Quote:
I just wanted to let all those people who helped me know that I did it :-).. I have left him, moved into my own place and am so much happier..
Well done. That was a very brave thing to do but also the right thing to do. You will be better for it.
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Old 5th October 2015, 07:20 PM   #4
Lindentree1
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Posts: 1,253
Re: Update for 'Courage to leave my 11 year marriage'

I am so happy you took that brave step! Good for you. I was wondering about how you were. Thank you so much for the update. We're here for you if you still need to talk. Best of luck with everything.
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Old 7th October 2015, 11:11 PM   #5
msjlhunter
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Smile Re: Update for 'Courage to leave my 11 year marriage'

I wouldn't say it was easy because it wasn't but I feel so much better now.. I do still talk to him and stay over the occasional night. He has changed so much already, I know this is only a front so I go back to him but I have made it clear that is not what I want...

We are friend for now, whether that will remain in the future I am unsure but I will never go back to him again.. After all, it took me 11 years to get out!
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Old 8th October 2015, 07:37 PM   #6
Lindentree1
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Re: Update for 'Courage to leave my 11 year marriage'

Quote:
Originally Posted by msjlhunter View Post
I wouldn't say it was easy because it wasn't but I feel so much better now.. I do still talk to him and stay over the occasional night. He has changed so much already, I know this is only a front so I go back to him but I have made it clear that is not what I want...

We are friend for now, whether that will remain in the future I am unsure but I will never go back to him again.. After all, it took me 11 years to get out!
Hi Msj,

If you really don't want to go back to him you might not want to stay the occasional night, as you say. Even if nothing is happening he might get the idea you want to reconcile. Friendly is fine but you might want to draw some boundaries. Just a thought.
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Old 8th October 2015, 09:24 PM   #7
Raymond
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Re: Update for 'Courage to leave my 11 year marriage'

It took you 11 yrs to get out so you must take nice behaviour with a pinch of salt. His problems are deeply set so you need much more to be convinced of a deep change, otherwise you will be opening the prison and getting back inside. I would keep your boundaries and resist "nice" behaviour for your own safety.
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Old 10th October 2015, 11:13 PM   #8
chosen
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Re: Update for 'Courage to leave my 11 year marriage'

Well done for leaving, but I am not sure why you think its a good idea to have contact with him if you are never going back.
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Old 11th October 2015, 10:56 AM   #9
ralfgarnett
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Re: Update for 'Courage to leave my 11 year marriage'

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Originally Posted by chosen View Post
Well done for leaving, but I am not sure why you think its a good idea to have contact with him if you are never going back.
I don't understand the sleeping over bit, if I had been in a toxic relationship like that I would be as far away from my ex-partner as I possibly could, I also agree with Raymond that a leopard does not change his spots.
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