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Old 30th November 2014, 07:54 PM   #1
Cpjunk31
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Leave or stay? Been wrestling for a while now...

I've been married to my wife for 6 years and been together with her for 12 years...

We met in college and hit it off great... We spent almost every minute together... I even did an extra semester of college to stay next to here...

When I left the next semester I drove back and forth to see her just about every weekend... She moved in with me after the following year and transferred schools and we've been together since...

When she first moved in I had a studio apt and handled all the finances since I was there already and she was in school... Eventually we moved to a 1 bedroom apt... At this point I was still covering all the finances and she was working part time to help with school...She had a few jobs here and there it nothing steady... Soon after we had our 1st of 2 kids... She wasn't able to work obviously so she was home with the child for a year, while trying to find work... I kept handling the finances while she was home... We got married about a year after the 1st kid and were expecting a 2nd child during the wedding...

At this point we have two kids, I'm handling all the finances and she is home with the kids... This is what it is... We eventually moved to a better neighborhood and place with more financial responsibility and I again am handling everything...(rent, ultilities, food, clothes, entertainment, baby stuff... Everything)... Eventually she gets a job again and this is where things start to change... First I am still handling all of the finances becuase her job can only cover day care for the kids... But I start to notice that she starts to dress extremely nice when going to work but comes home and I get the scraps(hair scarf, baggy clothes, etc)... I've told her about this when I could and it would change for a week, but go back to being the same a week later... One night I refused to go out with her because she was going to leave out with a scarf and sweats... During all this time we both have gained weight and we both started to make changes to lose weight... I've been athletic most my life so it wasn't major for me to lose weight and she was working out trying to lose weight... Her weight hadn't majorly bothered me prior, but I alerts felt she could be smaller, so when tie stage hit us, I encouraged her tremendously... We both lost a good amount of weight and it made our relationship even better... We were more flirtatious and sex was better... Eventually though, she stopped cold turkey, I kept going and she would not get back on track for nothing... No matter how much I encourage her... Eventually the weight jumped back on her and I started to really get mad at her... I never wanted to make her feel like she needed to lose weight becuAse I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but it showed... As a result sex started to become a job and the flirting stopped... But we still managed... At this point she started to push for us to get a house, I pushed off on this for 3 years because I was still providing all of the financial support... at this point she's been in and out of work... So after a while we find a house and I go thru the process and we get the house... This is where things start to fall apart from my side... Obviously buying a house is a huge financial move and I financed ALL OF IT... Like majority of our relationship... I wasn't even excited at closing... As we start to settle in the house things really start to bother me that haven't bothered me majorly in the past 11 years... #1 was finances... I looked at my situAtion and realized that while I have a home for my family, my wife has not contributed to not only this purchase, but to anything in our entire relationship... # 2 was weight, she gained all the weight back and was not motivated at all to lose it, she even went back to giving me scraps when I came home... # 3 sex became more and more of a chore... She wood not initiate or dress up when I asked her #4 was sports, I haven't mentioned this previously but I'm big I to sports and she has NEVER taken a serious attempt at trying to get into it, which cuased a lot of fights thru the years... She missed out on tons of quality time with me and the kids due to this.... A little into a month in the house I literally check out with these 4 reasons being the catalyst.... She sensed things were off and asked me if everything was ok... I told her yes as to avoid conflict... She wasn't easy to tell things too...so we went thru the motions for 6 months... I wasn't interested at home and there was nothing that was going to change it... I was going out late and hanging out with friends more...

Fast forward 6 months and I meet a woman at work and as u can possibly guess, she is a lot of what I am not getting at home... She is fit and athletic (a former athelte)... I knew from the moment I say her that I was very interested in her... So I pursued her and started an affair that I'm not neccesarliy proud of, but I knew what I wanted... Fast forward 8 months and I'm still involved with this woman and I am really thinking of leaving my wife for her... I managed to tell my wife about this woman but my wife wants to work it out... I go to therapy to discuss things with a independent party and the therapist convinced me to tell my wife...

In my heart, I want to see what it is with the other woman, me and her have a very good relationship and believe that we can be more... The problem is that I am Married( of course)...

I've gone back and forth about what to do for 4 months now...

I can see myself with this other woman clearly, but I don't want to lose my house or my kids... I can live with not being with my wife as long as I have the kids and house... I recently asked her to move out also... Not sure how that will go...

I'm hoping that anyone can give their thoughts...
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