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Old 4th January 2011, 04:27 PM   #31
Jimsdarliing
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

I admit he is somewhat of a flirt but I assure you, he has never done such with another woman. However, I do intend to get and read the book. I appreciate all you have done--you've truly made a difference and I thank God for all of my friends here in the forum.
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Old 1st February 2011, 01:14 AM   #32
AnneCaley
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimsdarliing View Post
My husband and I have been together for almost three years now. He has a lot of old friends but there is one that I believe he is too friendly with. She's married but not happily so he seems to think that he has to make her feel better. He had her picture on the night stand on his side of the bed until I said something about it so he mooved it three feet away onto the dresser. He flatters her and calls her names like "foxy" and I think he's a little too physical with her. He thinks I'm just a jealous person. I'm 57 and have never been thought of as so before. We went to the movies and he sat between us, holding my hand and stroking it affectionately on his right and doing the exact same to her on his left. We got in the hot tub and he's massaging her feet. The last straw--we were in the car on the way to a banquet and when he reaches behind me in the front seat to lay his hand on her leg in the back seat. There were many other times I thought I was seeing something but was unsure. I was looking for a gift for her when he told me, "Don't you worry about _____. I'll take care of her." Am I being unreasonable for never wanting to be around her again?
If you have a contentious problem in your relationship, you have to eliminate the causes of the problem, then eliminate the problem itself and mend the breach. Failure to erase problems and their causes will allow them to continue to be an issue in your partnership. Marriage or any other type of intimate relationship requires more than just being there. You should cultivate mutually pleasurable activities. You have to consider and address your partner’s needs and wants, not allow other people to interfere, make a commitment, and work out your differences.

Last edited by Dave; 2nd February 2011 at 08:55 AM.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 12:27 AM   #33
Jimsdarliing
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

I sure hope one of you who has read the whole, sorid story will see this and help me! My heart is ripped and I don't know what to do. I thought it was all solved and we even had them over a couple of times and things went smoothly. I was polite and she was polite and all seemed OK.

But then my husband and I went to Cozumel scuba diving with some other friends. On our last night, he was on the computer when I walked in and he shut it down quickly and closed the lid. He hadn't logged out of Facebook and I saw the message he sent to the other woman and it read, "Everywhere I look on this beautiful island I see you lying there, sitting there, swimming there. I wish you were here to share it with me in the worst way. But I know that will never be, so I'll continue to live on imagination... " Her response was, "Hope y'all are having fun. Be careful on these messages." (Note the word "these.")

I am fully confident that there has never been anything more than words and touching between them but I have fallen apart. I told him what I saw and said she had to go or I did. Again, I'm accused of insane jealously and he resents me because I have "destroyed a friendship of 26 years." He called her and told her that the friendship is over and she told him that I had sent her threatening letters (which I promise I did NOT and I could even post the letters to prove it. He won't read them). I understand that he did all the touching and love letter writing but she convinced him that she was "innocent" and now the victim of my wrath because of it. I disagree--I think she should have told him where to get off long ago.

Anyway, when I asked him why he did it, he said he just felt sorry for her because she had gone through diving classes with him and he felt sorry for her because we were having so much fun and she would probably never get to have such a trip. He really is like that; he wants everyone to he happy and feel special.

To sum it all up, we've had a big fight and I'm the villian. Please be honest with me!
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Old 22nd March 2011, 01:10 AM   #34
marriedforlife
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

I have come to this site under another name and another strand for my own sanity and have checked this one from time to time, hoping that things are smoother for them-thinking if nothing is posted, then they are O.K.

I have done what I said I would do. I have stayed away except for when we both went to their house. I have "unfriended" both. I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me. As I said before, MY marriage is what is important to me. The only reason I ever went to the two of them was because I was advised to find someone to talk to. I don't really think my marriage is an unhappy one, just going through some rough spots--as all marriages do. I wish I had continued to keep it all inside as I had done before. "These" messages was just referring to messages on facebook in general...to anyone. The reason being that someone had previously said something about a party for someone that was supposed to be a surprise and accidentally posted it on their profile rather than in a message.

I don't know what else I can do. I am not a hussy; I don't even wear provacative clothing. I am not the only one called Foxy and Darling. I mentioned the emails because when he said the friendship was over, I said I understood because I had received irate emails--and I did. I haven't done anything.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 01:12 AM   #35
marriedforlife
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

By the way...we started out being friends. I told Jim he had made a good choice...that she was good for him. I liked her a lot; then all of a sudden in December, I found that she "hated my guts!" Neither of us are bad people.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 01:55 AM   #36
Jimsdarliing
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

I'm glad you admit that we are not bad people. I agree. But I do not want my husband making love to another woman! If you are too weak to stop it, you have to go. . . period.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 02:10 AM   #37
marriedforlife
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

I AM gone. What else can I do?
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Old 22nd March 2011, 02:17 AM   #38
Jimsdarliing
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Someone please help me!
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Old 22nd March 2011, 02:37 AM   #39
chosen
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Jims darling, yes that message he sent was wrong and innappropriate. The fact that he tried to hide it so quickly shows that he knew that. His excuse for saying what he did was rediculous. I really think that you both need to cut off all contact.

Married for life, what you can do is to block eny e-mails that he sends, and isnt there a way to block any messages from him on facebook?Dont even respond to any correspondance that he sends that does get through. Ignore him completely.He will soon get the message.Also as I said above, cut off all contact with them,and dont make out Jims darling to be the villain, to him.Stay right away completely, for good.

Last edited by chosen; 22nd March 2011 at 02:42 AM.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 02:29 PM   #40
Jimsdarliing
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Thank you, Chosen, for your reply. I'm praying the matter is truly resolved and for good this time. I really believe it is. My husband and I have talked the matter out and are doing well now. Again, thank you.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 03:44 PM   #41
Forever
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

So as you can see Married for life, if you had a husband who is using his imagination to make love to other women and is getting as close to the edge of adultry as possible, well, it does not make for a good marriage. That is no way to have to live. You fell for his flattery, backed off to a certain extent, but it was not enough. Jim is fixated on you, and I am sure he will soon find another to take your place for his lustfull imagination to enjoy.

I feel sorry for you Jims darling. You will likely have to spend the rest of your life checking up on Jim because his heart is double minded and easily drawn away from being faithful to whomever he is married to. Then he has the balls to blameshift HIS problem onto you!!

You are by no means insanely jealous! What Jim does is outrageous and any woman would take a hard look at what she had gotten herself into at this point. You will have to babysit him until the day he is dealt with by the Holy Spirit.

Best Wishes

Last edited by Forever; 22nd March 2011 at 04:00 PM.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 06:49 PM   #42
Jimsdarliing
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

You could be right, Forever. I know he really does love to shower all my lady friends with attention and he needs to feel adored by women in general. He has "jokingly" made inuendos toward a couple of friends of mine. One told me about it and the other (a single lady) told him flat out that she wouldn't do me that way. I really don't think he would go all the way with another woman and I certainly pray that he won't. Through all this though, I know beyond a doubt that the man loves me deeply. Please pray for us.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 07:05 PM   #43
chosen
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Why does a man act so badly if he loves you, I dont get it, That isnt love. The only one he should be flirting with and saying these things to, is you.Love is shown by our actions and not just by words.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 07:46 PM   #44
Forever
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

I cant help but wonder what his previous wife endured??? Why is it not enough for a man to be loved and cherished by his wife and not need the attention of other women? Did he accuse his previous wife of being jealous and make her feel like she was going out of her mind so he could continue to persue the attention of other women?

I doubt we have seen the last of this, and I know what it is like to live thinking my husband loves me (because he says so) while watching him "love" other women too. There is a spirit that has him ensnared...probably for decades, and it is not the Holy one. The problem is not this woman, or that woman, Jim's Darling...the problem is JIM, the stuff going on within himself. You can try and protect your marriage all you want, but in the end, to no avail, because the problem lay in the heart of the man you married. All the other women only serve to expose that fact.

Yes, I will pray for you Jim's Darling, however, be advised that the battle is yours as well. The Lord will continue to show you where the root problem is and what HE wants you to do about it. Meanwhile, it is a shame that there are so many women out there who love flattery and will gravitate towards someone such as your husband who is more than thrilled to give it...a very dangerous proposition. If your husband had a pure heart, he would not even be interested in getting that close to most women, but rather, would have many close male friends instead. He would not feel the slightest bit threatened or deprived by guarding the quality of communication he had with other women, especially as a married man.

Coincidently, I have ended a 21 day (juice only) fast, AGAINST THE ENEMY, on behalf of my husband just yesterday. It was prompted by the Holy Spirit after an ugly incident when we went to LasVegas for my husbands hernia surgery. Our battle is NOT with flesh and blood, but with the unseen evil spirits in high places....and all the talk, tears, reasoning and restrictions will not help this kind of thing at all...they only get sneakier. Part of it was a spirit of Rebellion, the rest of it was a spirit of Lust. I will let you know if I see any victory in my husbands life...I can tell even by the sort of movies he wants to watch (among other things).

If necessary, I will do it again and again until there is victory.

Last edited by Forever; 22nd March 2011 at 08:43 PM.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 08:59 PM   #45
chosen
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Foeever well done, I hope that the fast will help. I tried a fruit only fast once, and by the end of the first day I got the WORST migraine ever, so I have never done it since.
I also agree that it is very sad that some women, even married ones, will be flattered by this sort of attention from another man, even a married one. I would run away as fast as I could if any man tried this with me, either that or kick him where it hurt! I HATE that sort of thing, flirting I mean. I never allow myself to get close to other men ever, apart from family.
A good friend of mines husband was often flirting with younger women. He went on to have an affair and it ended the marriage leaving 2 childrens lives damaged. Its playing with fire, and theres no way I would ever put up with it. As you said, he needs good male friends and not female ones.
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