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Old 20th April 2014, 12:04 PM   #1
hummingbird
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2
Confused for the sake of kids

Hello,
let me just summarize the relationship:
1. Married since 3 years
2. Never see eye to eye on any issue which leads to many fights.
3. My wife suffers from temper issue which are really dangerous at times
4. We Fight every time i go out to meet my friends. (she basically does not like any of my friends or relatives). She also has serious social phobia (but absolutely not willing to accept, cannot even bring up the subject)
5. Tried to counsel her a lot of times but it always ended up in more fights.
6. Relationship improved for a while in late 2nd year. Hoping a better future we had twin girls, now age 8 months)
7. The problems have started to flare up suddenly again.
8. She goes to extreme lengths in fights (i have thought of calling either police or ambulance a couple of times, but didnt as it would hurt her even more).
9. I would have left the relationship many months ago, but I am still here for the kids sake.
10. Dont have any friends left as she wont let me meet any. Parent absolutely annoyed and dont interfere much (they dont even talk to me now)
11. I am thoroughly confused as to what to do. If i try for divorce, the laws will always favour wife (she will get custody) and my kids will land up with that psycho (they will be scarred for life)
12. If I dont, they still get scarred by continuous fights but at least they will see the sane person too.
13. If I start the proceedings of divorce, she will make sure i will never see my kids again.

She knows i am just hanging in there for the sake of kids. This is really a psychological abuse. Very scared, depressed, and confused. PLease advice a way out.
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Old 20th April 2014, 12:52 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Confused for the sake of kids

Are you saying that she beats you enough that you need an ambulance?
Howe bad is this and how often does it happen?

I have to question why on earth you married such a lady and why you had children with her knowing what she was like?

I would firstly seek legal advise. Secondly keep a detailed record of her abuse and deeply controlling behaviour. Thirdly if you get injured and she gets violent call the police and ambulance if you need to, or take yourself to the hospital so that there are records of this, and take photos of all injuries.
if this gets really bad, contact a battered woman's refuge and ask them for somewhere you can go with the children. They need protecting from her. She is toxic. Dont tell her you are going just go.
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Old 20th April 2014, 01:16 PM   #3
hummingbird
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2
Re: Confused for the sake of kids

She doesn't beat me up. But she will purposefully create a situation like closing the door and making sounds as if to simulate that she is hurting herself (she has never hurt herself, but always threatens to). She was not like this in the beginning. But still I know i have made a horrible mistake by tolerating her initially. I am trying to keep all the records. The thing which confuses me is that, should I seek counselling or just get a lawyer and go for a divorce. If I had no kids then there would be no chance that I would go for counselling.
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Old 20th April 2014, 04:49 PM   #4
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Confused for the sake of kids

Do you think she would be sane and rational enough to benefit from counselling? She is a very manipulative person, which shows in that she hates you seeing your own family and friends and threatens to hurt herself. She probably needs psychological intervention to be honest.
To allow her to dictate to you that you cant see your own parents is mad. Does that mean that your parents can never see their own grandchildren?
I feel for you because you have chosen to marry someone who has serious issues. You need to stand up to her, but sadly it will be a massive battle for you. I wouldnt recommend divorce at this time at all, but keep a detailed record of her behaviour and get legal advise.
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Old 22nd April 2014, 01:20 PM   #5
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Confused for the sake of kids

So we are not talking about mending the marriage then?

You said it went well for a time and then this happened. That it went well for a while would constitute some hope would it not?

Your referring to her as that psycho shows that you have written her off and don't hope that things will get better. I am sure she has some good points or you would not have married her.
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