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Old 29th September 2015, 03:34 AM   #1921
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
How do pal hope your ok, I always arranged our many holidays which is why they were so good, she always said so and always thanked me which she didn't have to do, just the thought she had enjoyed them as much as me was enough, but the emotional and physical aspect of doing this has tired me out hence my night in tonight, but had a reasonable day today got the bus in to Palma and walked about a bit, it was flaming hot so stopped had a bite to eat and mooched around, got the bus back here to the local Spanish hang out and had a blast, 2 pints each of pumped up gassy p-ss (I don't like lager but hobsons), 5 glasses of wine each, 5 tapas each ruddy delicious totally addicted to chorizo, manchego, and morcilla, flaming 17 ewros between us try doing that in blighty, got back was sitting on my balcony pre-afternoon siesta minding my own business and guess what ?, young local couple in the public park next door having full on totally naked sex in broad day light, couldn't believe my eyes, anyone could of clocked em back scuttling away happy as larry wand waving and pink winking, she looked about 16, him about 20 ish, randy bl--ders, then it clouded over and started lagging it down, quickly cooled his ardour ( yes correct spelling) I don't know youngsters today , I never did owt like that when I was their age , night in tonight with more manchego, chorizo, anchovies, and a nice bottle of fino.
In broad daylight? Wow. I've never seen that, either.

Glad you are doing activities. I heard they do bus tours there, too. I wonder if you'd ever do a bus tour? That might be too touristy for you, I don't know.
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Old 29th September 2015, 09:19 AM   #1922
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
In broad daylight? Wow. I've never seen that, either.

Glad you are doing activities. I heard they do bus tours there, too. I wonder if you'd ever do a bus tour? That might be too touristy for you, I don't know.
Yes broad day light then it clouded over and started raining on them, no your correct bus tours are no good to me, far too organised and touristy you know me too well , been missing wife quite a bit, been thinking things over to see if I can think up a new approach but drawn a blank so far, here I am in this big double bed alone, what a waste, we have been chatting and having a laugh with 2 of the Spanish waitress's in the tapas bar they are nice, one especially could warm my pillows any day, doubt its going to happen any day soon though, and I don't really want it to happen either just yet, I prefer female friendship at the moment, I couldn't seal the deal with anyone, I still love WAW too much and would still feel I was cheating on her, our marriage, our vows, I don't know if she is seeing anyone though, if she is then imho she would of developed the morals of a sewer rat, best not thinking about it really, it turns my stomach and makes a bad situation worse.
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Old 30th September 2015, 10:22 AM   #1923
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Buenos dias good people, well the rain in Spain seems to mainly falling on my hotel room at the moment, its bouncing down, with lightening, strong winds, and some of the loudest thunder I have ever heard, my double doors to the balcony have been literally rattling with it.

but been thinking while I have been here, I forgot the pad and pen for journaling so thought I would write hear instead, as I said been thinking a lot about my life and my wife, obviously I am missing her even have a photo of her and my kitties up in my room, and seeing so many couples all lovey dovey is getting to me a bit, but I am feeling much calmer since being here and I can almost see a life without her, yes I want her back that is number 1 goal but I have no say in that, but what I do have a say in is me, I was sat staring in to space last night with a glass of cold rose trying to avoid Barcelona cheating on TV and a thought suddenly hit me, if I can change my life as much as possible then maybe just maybe I can start to recover and move in a different direction minus WW.

Now here lies the problem how do I change my life so much that memories of her start to ease and fade, first thing I thought of was leaving the country, moving to Malta and getting a totally fresh new start, make new friends, get out more, meet new people, get involved with local life that sort of thing, but being realistic its not feasible right now for many reasons, so I need a plan b, and I don't know what that is, I am definitely in a rut its obvious to me, and I keep getting dragged back in to that rut through work, home, loneliness, and the town I live I just don't like I wish I was happy there but I'm just not.

So this is roughly as far as my thinking has taken me, quite simply I need to make big changes ASAP if I'm going to get over this, I just wish I had the clarity of thought to come up with some really good ideas about life changes, so I'm throwing it out there yet again, anyone got any ideas ?, I don't care how battly they might be I would like to hear them I will honestly consider anything in order to make changes and move forwards out of the rut with fresh ideas and new perspectives, many thanks in advance from a very water logged tornado battered Mallorca.
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Old 30th September 2015, 07:23 PM   #1924
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Once upon a time when
we were friends
I gave you my heart, the story ends -
No happy ever after now we're friends.

Wish upon a star if that might help,
The stars collide if you decide,
Wish upon a star if that might help.

What's it like to have loved and to lose her touch?
What's it like to have loved and to lose that much?

Well, I hope and I pray that maybe someday
You'll walk in the room with my heart.

Add and subtract but as a matter of fact
Now that you're gone I still want you back.

Remembering surrendering,
Remembering that part - all of my heart.

Spilling up in silk and coffee lace,
You hook me up a rendezvous at your place,
Your lipstick and your lip gloss seals my fate.

Sentimental powers might help you now
But skip the hearts and flowers, skip the ivory towers,
You'll be disappointed and I'll lose a friend.

No, I won't be told there's a crock of gold at the end of the
rainbow,Or that pleasure and pain,
Sunshine and rain might make this love grow.

But I hope and I pray that maybe someday
You'll walk in the room with my heart.

Add and subtract but as a matter of fact
Now that you're gone I still want you back.

Remembering - surrendering,
The kindest struck the coolest heart - all of my heart.

Yes, I hope and I pray that maybe someday
You'll walk in the room with my heart.

And I shrug and I say that maybe today you'll come home soon.

Surrendering - remembering,
Surrendering that heart, all of my heart,

Once upon a time when
we were friendsI gave you my heart, the story ends -
No happy ever after now we're friends.

Wish upon a star if that might help,
The stars collide if you decide,
Wish upon a star if that might help.

What's it like to have loved and to lose her touch?
What's it like to have loved and to lose that much?

Well, I hope and I pray that maybe someday
You'll walk in the room with my heart.

Add and subtract but as a matter of fact
Now that you're gone I still want you back.

Surrendering that heart, all of my heart.

IMYALYMYDSWJPCB XXXX.

Ps, dear sj please can I have my ABC CD back ?, the one you bought me 14/02/96 st Valentines day
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Old 30th September 2015, 10:26 PM   #1925
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Buenos dias good people, well the rain in Spain seems to mainly falling on my hotel room at the moment, its bouncing down, with lightening, strong winds, and some of the loudest thunder I have ever heard, my double doors to the balcony have been literally rattling with it.

but been thinking while I have been here, I forgot the pad and pen for journaling so thought I would write hear instead, as I said been thinking a lot about my life and my wife, obviously I am missing her even have a photo of her and my kitties up in my room, and seeing so many couples all lovey dovey is getting to me a bit, but I am feeling much calmer since being here and I can almost see a life without her, yes I want her back that is number 1 goal but I have no say in that, but what I do have a say in is me, I was sat staring in to space last night with a glass of cold rose trying to avoid Barcelona cheating on TV and a thought suddenly hit me, if I can change my life as much as possible then maybe just maybe I can start to recover and move in a different direction minus WW.

Now here lies the problem how do I change my life so much that memories of her start to ease and fade, first thing I thought of was leaving the country, moving to Malta and getting a totally fresh new start, make new friends, get out more, meet new people, get involved with local life that sort of thing, but being realistic its not feasible right now for many reasons, so I need a plan b, and I don't know what that is, I am definitely in a rut its obvious to me, and I keep getting dragged back in to that rut through work, home, loneliness, and the town I live I just don't like I wish I was happy there but I'm just not.

So this is roughly as far as my thinking has taken me, quite simply I need to make big changes ASAP if I'm going to get over this, I just wish I had the clarity of thought to come up with some really good ideas about life changes, so I'm throwing it out there yet again, anyone got any ideas ?, I don't care how battly they might be I would like to hear them I will honestly consider anything in order to make changes and move forwards out of the rut with fresh ideas and new perspectives, many thanks in advance from a very water logged tornado battered Mallorca.
You've talked a lot about how you don't like your own town. You work from home and have no children. Why not move to another town? Sell up and try a new town. That would be a life change that you may well find suits you in the long run.

I am moving to another state when my situation is through. I won't know a soul in my new town but a fresh start will be good for me and new friends will be made.
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Old 1st October 2015, 09:35 AM   #1926
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Grazzi LDT certainly something to consider longer term, anybody else got any ideas ?.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 1st October 2015 at 09:47 AM.
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Old 1st October 2015, 01:51 PM   #1927
notDoneYet
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

What about the stuff we talked about before such as taking a class or learning a new skill. Something that requires you to be around people?
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Old 1st October 2015, 04:39 PM   #1928
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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What about the stuff we talked about before such as taking a class or learning a new skill. Something that requires you to be around people?
all good stuff thanks mate, anyone or anything else ?
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Old 3rd October 2015, 09:31 AM   #1929
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Dear good people, please pray once again for our marriage and for our reconciliation, I have been away from home for 1 week now and this is now the longest time I have been away without her since before we met in 1995 and I have struggled at times and she has been on my mind constantly, please pray that we can come together and be that happy couple once again as we once were safe in each others arms as husband and wife should through thick and thin, richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, my flight is this afternoon please pray I get home safely, I need to find the right words to say to my wife very soon as I think I might make another attempt to get through to her, please also pray that god shows me enlightenment and gives me a sign, or shows me what I need to say to win back the heart of my wife whom I still love and miss so very much, this is my prayer thank you all in advance.
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Old 4th October 2015, 06:59 PM   #1930
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

ralf we hope that you get your hearts desire but the decision is hers, maybe the time has come for you to move on now. You could write to her or email her one more time and say what is on your heart and see whether she responds, but if she doesnt reply then please let it go.
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Old 4th October 2015, 08:10 PM   #1931
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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ralf we hope that you get your hearts desire but the decision is hers, maybe the time has come for you to move on now. You could write to her or email her one more time and say what is on your heart and see whether she responds, but if she doesnt reply then please let it go.
Hello DC, thanks for your constant support and advice xx yes I have been talking to 2 of my female friends today and this came up in conversation as they both hold both she and I in high esteem, I am getting close to contacting her and I need to get my wording correct before I touch base with WW, I would appreciate any advice re-wording that anyone could advise as I need to try saying something different ?, I also have another embryonic plan in the pipeline, but by nature I cant just give up 19 years of happy memories and a deeply shared love our marriage means everything to me, and I think you all know my views about that phrase and unknown quantity to me, "moving on".

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 5th October 2015 at 02:24 PM.
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Old 11th October 2015, 10:38 AM   #1932
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Oh boy that was a rough night, been awake since around 3AM having a panic attack and such vivid thoughta, when will this ruddy mental torture end ?.
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Old 11th October 2015, 04:31 PM   #1933
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Oh boy that was a rough night, been awake since around 3AM having a panic attack and such vivid thoughta, when will this ruddy mental torture end ?.
I think it will begin to end when you have accepted what is.
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Old 11th October 2015, 08:24 PM   #1934
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I'm off to bed in a mo, feeling extremely low in mood got yet another flaming meds review tomorrow when will it end ?, going to listen to Ireland vs Poland on RTE I hope we get through, then draw England in the finals and beat the pants off them as we did before, they were happy days for me as a young man and Guinness stout £1-00 a pint back then, long time ago now but as we said back then, give them the lash Jack (Jack Charlton)
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Old 12th October 2015, 02:51 AM   #1935
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

If I were you I would not think about it for long, just write to her a not too long honest email or letter saying that you still miss her and still would still like to get back together, and asking her to give you feed back as to where she is and what she wants for the future.
Then wait and hope that she replies honestly and, if her answer is still no, then you HAVE to let her go and stop thinking about her and look to other things in life to give yourself a future and not her. I doubt that she will agree to meet so the email or letter may be the best option.
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