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28th August 2015, 02:04 AM
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 7
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Separated and will not talk
It started out last year. I started to ignore and emotionally hurt my wife. I was getting angry easily. I let myself think she would never leave me and she will always love me. She even said how are you so sure of your self. I put more attention to work and my co-workers. I know I let all our success and accomplishments get to me. This year she started talk to a couple of guys from India and Pakistan though social media. She told them she thought our marriage was over. So they started moving in to comfort her emotions and make it seem I was now the bad person. They keep giving her bad advice. The tell her to stop talking to me and to divorce me. The Indian guy constantly would stay online and talk to her. Now she believes she is in love with him and that God brought him to her life. She has never met any of these people. My wife then tried to give me a chance but was still talking to them and at the first chance she said she want to be separated. She said that they told her to stop all communication with me. When she was giving me a chance she was sending this man money through western union and mailing him expensive cloths. She is having an emotional affair with a person she never met or probably never will. He messages me telling me that I need to divorce her so he can marry her and that I need to die that I don't deserve a wife and daughter. That he love them more than anyone. I did mess up because there was a times when she was calling me to come and I didn't. Now I feel like a blew all the chances I was given. She will not make any contact with me. She says to leave her alone and give her space. I know the mistakes I have made. I do love her. I have been attending a life group and going to church and trying to change my bad habits. She doesn't know because she won't talk to me. I don't know what else to do. She has stop every form of communication even through our daughter. She's change her phone number and emails. We have been married for 8 years and have been together for 15 years.
I don't know what else to do. I don't have any friends or family to talk to.
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28th August 2015, 08:35 AM
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#2
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Separated and will not talk
Obviously these two in India are filling the vacuum left by your lack of love for your wife. The good thing is that you have now realised yout error. If you read the scriptures you will see that loving your wife is number one for a marriage. There is nothing wrong with success in business but when it becomes number one above your own wife then the priority is totally wrong.
You need some way to confirm your love to your wife including your repentance at the way you have treated her. Hopefully it is not too late to reverse the poison she is being fed from abroad.
I am quite sure you will be able to woo her back over a long term if you do not give up. You have learned a lot and are a different person. The real problem it seems is how to communicate. Gifts and flowers might be a good start if you can get them to her. Also notes or letters outlining what a chump you have been. Somehow or other you have to communicate to her something of what you are feeling as well as how much you love her.
I have to leave it to you to find a way to communicate. Keep wooing her in whatever way you can but never force it. There is a lot of work to do but you can do it.
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28th August 2015, 04:23 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,076
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Re: Separated and will not talk
Yeh good luck mate, the silent treatment really sucks, I would say give her space but also convey to her your remorse for how things went but also that you still love her and that the door is not closed to her under the right circumstances, as I said good luck.
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28th August 2015, 05:40 PM
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,253
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Re: Separated and will not talk
I'm suspicious of anyone that that asks for money online. There are so many scammers out there. Are you certain your wife isn't being taken advantage of by someone who has no intention of being with her? Perhaps all he really wants is the money she is sending him. I saw a story on t.v. where a lady sent all her money to a man online who just took all her money and had no intention of being with her. She was devastated, and ended up destitute.
Do you know where your wife is? Could you write her a letter? I'm sorry this is happening. Hopefully you can convey to your wife how much you love her and you can reconcile.
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28th August 2015, 07:05 PM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Separated and will not talk
Firstly she needs to know that God hasnt bought them to her because He says that He hates divorce, and also that we are to be faithful to our spouses, and secondly, doesnt she realise she is being scammed? Men like him think nothing of the women they take advantage of, they are out for money only. He is also most certainly not who he says he is, and will have made up a false identity. This is very common, I have seen 2 programmes recently about women who were taken advantage of in this way.
I am afraid that until she realises what is happening and comes off those sites, there isnt much you can do, Keep praying.
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31st August 2015, 04:57 PM
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 7
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Re: Separated and will not talk
She and our daughter went to live with her mom here in town. The last thing she told me was that she was told that she could not talk to me or make contact. I asked her parents about this and they said they would never tell her that. So I assume it must be those two telling her what to do. I have been praying and getting really close to God. Yesterday she finally broke the silence. She told me she had been crying but would not say why. She told me her heart belongs to another, which she told me it was the Indian guy. I didn't question it because I don't want her to distance herself again. She also told me she asked everyone to pray for her, but she doesn't pray herself. I told her you need to find and seek God again like you have done. He is waiting for you. I believe God is helping us and he will restore our marriage. Thank you all for everything and all the advise and prayers.
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31st August 2015, 06:48 PM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Separated and will not talk
Quote:
Originally Posted by poncecarlos
She and our daughter went to live with her mom here in town. The last thing she told me was that she was told that she could not talk to me or make contact. I asked her parents about this and they said they would never tell her that. So I assume it must be those two telling her what to do. I have been praying and getting really close to God. Yesterday she finally broke the silence. She told me she had been crying but would not say why. She told me her heart belongs to another, which she told me it was the Indian guy. I didn't question it because I don't want her to distance herself again. She also told me she asked everyone to pray for her, but she doesn't pray herself. I told her you need to find and seek God again like you have done. He is waiting for you. I believe God is helping us and he will restore our marriage. Thank you all for everything and all the advise and prayers.
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OH dear, she is in for a big disappointment when she finds out he is a scammer.
You cant be in love with someone you have never met either. I hope and pray that she will come back to God and see what the enemy is doing to you all through her. At the moment she is heading for disaster, pray that God will reveal who this man really is. I would also keep an eye on any joint bank accounts as she will be asked to send him more and more money. Maybe even close them for now.
Have you actually told her that this man is a scammer and not who he says he is?Do you know what site she met him on? if you do then report him for scamming and get him banned. That may help your situation as well.
Last edited by chosen; 31st August 2015 at 08:44 PM.
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31st August 2015, 07:50 PM
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#8
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,076
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Re: Separated and will not talk
Quote:
Originally Posted by poncecarlos
She and our daughter went to live with her mom here in town. The last thing she told me was that she was told that she could not talk to me or make contact. I asked her parents about this and they said they would never tell her that. So I assume it must be those two telling her what to do. I have been praying and getting really close to God. Yesterday she finally broke the silence. She told me she had been crying but would not say why. She told me her heart belongs to another, which she told me it was the Indian guy. I didn't question it because I don't want her to distance herself again. She also told me she asked everyone to pray for her, but she doesn't pray herself. I told her you need to find and seek God again like you have done. He is waiting for you. I believe God is helping us and he will restore our marriage. Thank you all for everything and all the advise and prayers.
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She is a fool for believing the total B-S that she receives from these parasitic con artist lethario charlatans.
Last edited by ralfgarnett; 1st September 2015 at 10:15 AM.
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31st August 2015, 08:24 PM
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,253
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Re: Separated and will not talk
I would be concerned about money. You don't want her to empty any joint accounts if you have them. She has sent money to him and will most likely continue to. You need to protect your future. Your wife may very well see the light and come back--but you don't want to be broke when she does.
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1st September 2015, 01:24 PM
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#10
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Separated and will not talk
If she has asked people to pray that is a good sign that she wants the truth, even though she cannot see it now. It looks like there is some power coming from India over the internet so goodness knows what they are into there.
Will pray that she sees the truth and also that this deceptive thing over her is broken. Sometimes when we want the truth it is still a battle to throw off these kinds of deception.
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2nd September 2015, 08:11 PM
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#11
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 7
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Re: Separated and will not talk
Thanks for your prayers. This week she has been talking and opening up more to me. She still says her heart is not here. Meaning it with him even though she never seen or met him. By the things she talks to me about she seems very lost and confused. I will just keep praying so far God has been merciful allowing the silence to be broken.
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2nd September 2015, 09:11 PM
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#12
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Separated and will not talk
It's good that the door is open a little, but prayer is important as well. God is not the author of confusion so she has let something in when there was a vacuum in the marriage. Also you need to convince her of your love over time. We are praying as well (wife and I). I still believe this is winnable through 1 prayer and 2 through your love, demonstrating your new attitude, but remember trust will take time to build again. It is the part of relationship that can be broken the quickest but takes the longest to mend, so you need patience as well.
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2nd September 2015, 09:58 PM
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Separated and will not talk
Quote:
Originally Posted by poncecarlos
Thanks for your prayers. This week she has been talking and opening up more to me. She still says her heart is not here. Meaning it with him even though she never seen or met him. By the things she talks to me about she seems very lost and confused. I will just keep praying so far God has been merciful allowing the silence to be broken.
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have you told her that he is a scammer?
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3rd September 2015, 04:44 AM
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#14
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 7
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Re: Separated and will not talk
Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen
have you told her that he is a scammer?
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She won't listen to me or anyone. Our daughter has even told her that and she shut them out of her life and tells everyone he is real and the love is real. But this week has been good she is talking and talking to me more being open.
Last edited by poncecarlos; 3rd September 2015 at 04:47 AM.
Reason: Misspelling
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3rd September 2015, 09:24 AM
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#15
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Separated and will not talk
That is good PC. Keep praying and confirming your love to her. It has got bad that she has shut out her daughter as well but pray that God will help you to use the openings you have got wisely. God is a mender of marriages.
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