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Old 24th December 2010, 08:18 PM   #16
leilag
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

My husband does not have to do anything to prove his love for me. I know have to work on forgetting my past. In the past month I learned that nothing is as important to me than him.

I am willing to give up living a part for my career and humbling myself. I know many women that wished they had a man like him. I have to work on loving myself before I can give him the love that he deserves.

My hope is that he will get over his pride. You have hit the nail on the head on his feelings.

I also think I need to let go of communicating with his family. It is hard because I have a very close relationship with his sister. I raised her for 2 years while their mother went through a divorce. She says I am the only one who was there for her when she really needed someone.

Do you really think it can be repaired? Any more advice on how to repair the situation. I really don't want to air our business on facebook but that is the only way we are kinda communicating with each other. When he sent me a hateful message I replied with a peaceful one.

I am also curious why you say to remain friend on facebook?
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Old 24th December 2010, 08:39 PM   #17
Forever
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

Remain friends on facebook because he is your husband. This is the only way you have to tell him that you repent and that you love him. You are a fighter remember. And yes, there is great hope for you if you can let him know the changes that you are willing to make and acknowledge his feelings and needs.

Airing your "laundry" on facebook will not kill you. It also serves to others (especially the women he is trying to befriend and hurt you with) to let them know that you still love and want your husband. Personally, if he were REALLY finished with you, he would not communicate with you even on facebook. He is still using that as a tool to vent and see what your reactions are.

Do not use facebook as a war. Use it to tell your husband how much you love him and want to do what he needs to make him know it. Tell him you want to come home and be the wife he needs and thought he had.

P. S. You can give him the love he needs NOW, before you learn to love yourself. Get out of yourself and start thinking about HIM. You will feel much better about yourself as you learn to love others.

Last edited by Forever; 24th December 2010 at 08:58 PM.
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Old 24th December 2010, 09:18 PM   #18
leilag
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

I will remain friends and just bite the bullet. All i have is god now. I hope he can one day eat his pride and find forgiveness for me.

I will take your advice and just send love. Hopefully in time he will come to change and forgive me.

Thank you so much you have helped me get through the day.

How did you get so wise? Do you really think my mistakes are that sever?

I do think I will take a few days off FB it hurts to much and it get's me angry?

All I do is post sad songs and look at our pictures. Hiss friend says that he knows only one thing that my husband loves me. Yet, he cannot promise anything, but will defend me. Not sure if anything will work. How do I stay positive and continue. All I want to do is stay in my room and sleep. I cannot eat at all.

Only god can judge now.

Once again thank you for your support.

Happy Holiday
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Old 24th December 2010, 09:26 PM   #19
leilag
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

Bit he also says that he has given me too many chances. What do i say to that?
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Old 24th December 2010, 09:26 PM   #20
Forever
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

No, do not just send love. Send love AND tell him WHAT specifically you are willing to do for the marriage, for him. He is looking for more than just emotions here. He is looking for change. Tell him what the changes will be, no broken promises, no excuses.


Trust God. Your husband is not operating from pride, at least not the bad kind of pride. He is HURT and devestated and humiliated. Do not take a break from facebook. Put your hurt and anger aside for now. I know you will see things that hurt and anger you, I think he wants to hurt you back like he has felt. But that is the only communication you have. He still needs to vent his anger and you still need to let him know that you love him and want to go home.
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Old 24th December 2010, 09:28 PM   #21
Forever
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

Tell him that you agree that he has been very gracious and given many chances. Tell him that the time apart and the seriousness of how you have hurt him has finally awaken you to the truth, and that now you are hurting for what you have done to him.

Ummm, yes, your mistakes were definately that severe. That is why all this is happening.

Last edited by Forever; 24th December 2010 at 09:38 PM.
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Old 24th December 2010, 09:34 PM   #22
leilag
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

But he won't even talk to me. I sent him message today saying I wish the best for him and I hope we can be friends. He never replied just posted a video about the perils of this word and stated if you want to know why you love the bad things in this world to much.

Do you think I should wait a while before I contact him again? Let him miss me a little? He seems to just get angry every time I try to contact him.

I wanted to send him an anniversary card, but held back.

Do you think he will really believe that I will change or look at it as empty promises and not believe me because he has given more then enough chances in the past.

C
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Old 24th December 2010, 09:35 PM   #23
chosen
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

I cant agree that this facebook comunication is going to help anyone. Let your mutual friend talk to him and stay away from facebook is my advice. It may well just mess things up more. Keep your distance and dignity and allow this friend to speak to him.I think you need to give him space and stop making him angry by contacting him. Give him a chance to miss you and think about the future.

If he wants to act badly by chatting to lots of other women on facebook, then let him, thats his choice,but you dont have to go on to it yourself and be hurt.
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Old 24th December 2010, 09:51 PM   #24
Forever
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

Oh, I am sorry, I was under the impression that there was some actual communication between the two of you. That is why I recommended keeping the lines of communication open, even if he were spewing his anger. I am concerned that if you close off communication, he will think that you are not fighting for your marriage, especially since he is at the place in his heart that he feels that he cannot take anymore. The only thing that will quell his anger is your continued willingness to humble yourself in spite of his venting.

Yes he is talking to other women. If that is something he is not accustomed to doing, then I see it as a way for him to let you know how he has felt when you were doing it.

What do you think?

By the way, what did you convert from? That is, what were your beliefs before you met your husband?
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Old 24th December 2010, 09:59 PM   #25
leilag
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

yes i agree he is using it to make me feel the way he feels.

I am not afraid of those other women. If he feels this is something he needs to do then let him do it. If another women comes along I am not afraid of her or the situation.

I am ready to fight. Since we were married in the states do we have to get divorced there.

He has to talk to me eventually right? We have had no communication as adults at all. He just brought my stuff and left. He was supposed to come back with the paper and never did because he did not want to see me cry and beg.

I even know if he has gone through with it yet. Every time I hear the post man mu stomach hurts.

I do not know how to contact him except via facebook. He does not answer our land line and changed his mobile and his mom is not offering me his nez number. She is protecting her son. I am too afraid to go to our house in France. I don't want to be rejected and don't want him to start throwing my things away.

I am going back to the states tomorrow and wonder if I should stay there?
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Old 24th December 2010, 10:08 PM   #26
Forever
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

Did he already file for divorce? I am not clear on that. If so, how did you find out? Also, just like marriage, even divorce can be stopped if both parties are willing. Where are you located right now? Where is he? Where is your home? I am confused as to why you are coming back to the states and where your husband is located.

Does he actually communicate with you on facebook or not?

Curious, what did you believe in before you converted to Muslim? Does your husband think your conversion is not real?
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Old 24th December 2010, 10:12 PM   #27
leilag
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

I do not know if he has filed he said he was going to but I have not received anything.
I was Episcopal sometimes he says I converted for him not god
I hope I can stop it if he has actually filed. MY hope is he has not field yet, this give me hope that maybe he too is not ready for that step.
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Old 24th December 2010, 10:14 PM   #28
Forever
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

What would staying in the states accomplish?
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Old 24th December 2010, 10:16 PM   #29
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

You cannot stop it. Only the one making the petition can do that, and if he does, you also have to agree to it when it goes that far.
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Old 24th December 2010, 10:18 PM   #30
leilag
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Re: I don't want to get a divorce

nothing I don't want to live there. yet, it is where my friends are.

I am alone in London and all I have is my job now.

Very lonely
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