Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 30th September 2015, 04:11 AM   #1
SharonDay
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 1
Confused and scared

Hello everyone

This is the first time I have written on a forum so I will try my best not to waffle.

My husband and I have been married for 2 and a half years. We had our first child in 2011 via IVF. This was not a pleasant experience and one that I was happy not to have to go through again. A couple of years passed and my husband started putting the pressure on to have another baby. As we were not married, I said I wanted to be married first...so he proposed and we got married. It was a lovely day.

6 months after our wedding we started IVF again and it resulted in another beautiful baby. It has been decided since that we will not be trying for any more children.

A little bit about my husband and I. He works very hard and earns good money. I am a stay at home mum. My eldest goes to childcare/ kinder 2 days a week. I do everything around the house. Cooking, cleaning, washing, lawn mowing, looking after the children etc etc.

My husband goes on at least 2 'boys' trips a year and frequently goes out for dinner, drinks, functions for 'work'. It has recently become evident to me that he would rather go out with his friends and not have me there. There has been a couple of occasions where he has told me that partners were not invited but I have then found out they were - and he knew about it. Or he has been invited to things and I have to ask if I'm invited. If yes then it's up to me to organise everything. He is not proactive at all.

I really don't mind staying home with children as the youngest is only 8 months old and I don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone but my mum anyway. The problem I have is that when he does go out he doesn't get home until very late (3am usually), has had quite a few drinks and even when we have plans the next day.

My husband is a terrible communicator and I'm not much better. We both bottle things up (me probably more so). I feel like as I don't earn any money and he supports me and my children 100% that I kind of feel obliged to let him do what he wants. But that then leaves me feeling angry with him which in turn goes into the silent treatment until I can't be bothered anymore and then it repeats next month and so on and so on.

I'm really stuck with what to do. He actually suggest counselling which I assumed was couples counselling but then he booked me into see someone alone to work on my issues. Needless to say I cracked it and he cancelled the appointment and we went back to square one.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Am I overreacting? Being stupid? Is this normal?

Please help!!! Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope it makes sense and isn't too long.

Sharon xx
SharonDay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th September 2015, 10:22 PM   #2
Lindentree1
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,253
Re: Confused and scared

I think you should both try counseling together. There is a lack of communication here and you feel an imbalance of power.

In my opinion these issues should be dealt with using a professional. I hope he agrees to do joint counseling.

You need to be able to talk to each other.
Lindentree1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2015, 11:09 AM   #3
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Confused and scared

I couldn't reply as I was locked out for some days. Reading through it appears that he thinks you have the problem as he thinks the counseling should be for you. Why does he think that?
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2015, 07:49 PM   #4
Sallyjays16
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 3
Re: Confused and scared

Communication could be the most important factor in a relationship. If he is not into counseling for the both of you then try to set up a time when he's not busy to discuss your feelings. Deep down he has to know how important it is to communicate to your spouse.
Sallyjays16 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th November 2015, 04:37 AM   #5
jamandjan
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 4
Re: Confused and scared

As the above poster said you need to be open with each other and sometimes that takes bringing a third party into the conversation to get the words out.
jamandjan is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
marriage crisis, young children

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 12:50 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright 1999-2019 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer