Lost faith in it all

[verysadlady]

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone here for helping me in 2014 with my situation back then. I am sure no one remembers, but my engagement (not a marriage but one for all intents) broke up and it was immensely painful and the people here gave me so much help and insight getting through that post painful time.

My fiance had left, very suddenly, with no warning after many years together. He had been suferring depression and he just abandoned us and never came back. I was so confused and lost back then and you were all so kind and gave such great and warm, wise help.

Nowadays, my ex fiance never recovered from his depression and leads a hermit life. He is a stranger to me now, and to most people he knows. We did find out some time later that the whole episode was likely related to a major head injury he had some months before that may have trigerred personality changes, emotional difficulties and mental health problems.

I made my way out of the black hole I thought I would never escape and I moed home to my family and now live with my son. I work hard, I see my friends and I am healing very well.

I have dated people since all that, but not anyone I have truly had feelings for until very recently. Sadly, I ended up broken hearted again and felt like "verysadlady" again and something drew me to coming back here.

To cut a very long story short, this man was my friend for quite a while. Always asking me out, but mainly my friend. I was not interested in him romantically and it took him around eight months of asking me for a date for me to agree. I finally did and we had a lovely relationship for 3 months, where I felt, probably, truly happy for the first time since my fiance abandoned me the way he did.

3 months into it, the man I was dating. Let's call him Dougie, decided he was going to go on a holiday trip and meet up with some woman he had met once. She had been messaging him for a long time (she had a big crush on him) and he thought it would be interesting / found the attention intoxicating and decided to meet up with her.

Of course, he ended up cheating on me, and such was her desire to have him, or to brag about it, that she posted it all over Facebook, so this was how I found out. Of course, Dougie is very sorry - but I can;t forgive a man like this and so I find myself without him and just feel very, very, very sad.

The fact he would do such a thing for someone he did not even like very much, out of only "curiosity" has brough back all those old feelings of worthlessnes and dispair and loss of faith in people for me.

I was hoping someone here could tell me there were good men out there. All I ever wanted out of my life was marriage, children, a home, a loyal and loving partner and if I had that I would work every day on being the best at it.

I want to not lose faith, and I am asking God why this is happenning for me this way. I am becoming terrified to trust people, and am afraid I will always be alone or that people are fundamentally pre-disposed to lie, cheat, betray and hurt.

Please tell me this is not the way the world is, and that my husband is there somewhere?