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Old 26th February 2012, 05:46 PM   #1
abby20
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Unhappy my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

I have been with my partner for 3years, we've been living together a year and a half and meant to be getting married next may! When i got into this relationship i was already hurt and had trust issues but i was so happy everything was perfect!
I should of got out of this ages ago it all started after 6months of going out i found pictures of women on his phone, he said they had been on there for ages, this at the time i believed! 6months later a girl that was one off his friends girlfriends was texting him, i didn't mind as she was lonely her partner was in the forces and she wanted a friend to talk 2.. one night after a party with his family i found a picture from this girl sent that night.. i confront him and he says please don't be upset she just sent it to me, i didn't believe this but wanted to forget it!. He then got a new job, got friendly with the staff, i was a bit unsure about 1 girl as she get texting him and i knew it probably wouldnt be good news but decided to ignore it as my partner is a bit of a natural flirt anyway. But one day i log into the pc which goes straight onto his facebook and at that time hes at work on there having a chat with this girl! he was winding her up basically talking about her boobs etc and she was saying you'd love them but you wouldn't be able to handle them etc etc ,and he replies well i cant wait till we go away in the next few weeks(work).. i went mad and confronted this girl in which i got a reply of we was just having a laugh hes not my type, my partner begs, says the say of it was a joke. .a that weekend they was away was so hard, i knew they couldn't share rooms with different sex because of his care job but in my mind i didn't know what was happening! This girl still text him not often though but then 3 months later we got engaged.. i thought maybe i was thinking to much in 2 it! Since then iv seen him on porn sites, chat rooms and more texts from girls which i have confronted to.. i will never know how far hes gone though, whether he actually has cheated i will never know!! the last 6months has been so hard for me, the girls from the start stopped texting him ages ago and don't have his new number but the internet is always accessible! every time this happens he swears he will never do it again and that he doesn't know why he does it and he knows it wrong! is he addicted but within a few months i find something else.. i give up getting my hopes up thing is i know he loves me and im hurting so much i don't know why im still here, but i don't feel strong enough to leave.. PLEASE HELP!
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Old 26th February 2012, 06:54 PM   #2
Forever
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

Greetings Abby,
Good God woman! Why are you so hooked on him??? You will suffer SO MUCH if you continue forward with him and will end up with feeling no value or dignity after you marry.

You CAN do better...get out before you make it so much worse on yourself sweetheart...he is not committed to you, he loves all attractive women...NOT marriage material. But you know that already dont you?


Kindest Regards
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Old 26th February 2012, 07:00 PM   #3
Raymond
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

I agree with Forever. I was just saying the same thing and her post came up just before mine.

She is right. Save yourself a lot of heartache. Marriage takes absolute faithfulness and he doesn't sound up to it quite frankly.

This is a very easy and straightforward post. Don't do it. Get out while you can!
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Old 26th February 2012, 07:02 PM   #4
abby20
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

I don't know why i suppose its because when things are good there great but obviously when there bad they are awful! i want to get out of it so bad as i don't believe this time it won't happen again but i am finding it reallly hard to.. y? i dont no? whether its scared to lose my house, or scared of being on my own i just don't know thank you for your words both of you
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Old 26th February 2012, 07:11 PM   #5
Forever
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

Your house and being alone are not the primary issues here...and you will lose much more than that if you keep in the direction you are heading. Your sanity, human dignity and value are at risk...most women would have run by now...but obviously he has already gotten under your skin and that is why you hesitate.

Picture your life five years and two children from now if you marry a man such as that, and five years from now if you do not prodeed to make such a terrible mistake. You will heal and be more careful next time if you let go now and come out the better for it.

Do you really relish living your life snooping on his computer, facebook account, cell phone ect... and looking over your shoulders, fighting about the simple idea of fidelity and trying to sort truth from lies while your self esteem tumbles to new depths? How can you justify such a waste of time and sanity just to end up having to share the custody of your future children with a bad man and his latest new conquests? Save your "great times" for sharing with friends and family who would'nt think to treat you this dispicable way.

Face the future with Courage...he is BAD news!!!

Last edited by Forever; 26th February 2012 at 10:16 PM.
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Old 26th February 2012, 08:13 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

So do you want to be married to a lying, cheating, porn loving, flirting man for the rest of your life? Why are you still with this awful man who has no intention of being faithful to you or treating you with any sort of love and respect. If you stay with this man just because you are afraid to be alone there is something wrong. It shows you as being very very needy.

Whose house is it? If it is yours, then tell him to leave. If it is a joint house then ask him to leave, and if he wont then you leave and see a solicitor asap about selling it.
I cant believe you are even asking this question, you know what you need to do. Do you REALLY want your children to have a father who acts so appallingly, or who have to deal with a broken home due to their fathers cheating?
Get rid of him, he isnt worth it.
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Old 27th February 2012, 11:28 AM   #7
Raymond
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

I understand your weakness Abby. We have come across it on here before. If you have relations with him then you are one flesh and that is very difficult to break, even though you know it is right in your head. Trouble is he doesn't count fidelity as precious. Even porn is a kind of mental adultery. It is really about doing the right thing now and saving your future.

You are in a very good position to do this. No children. Not married yet. Marriage just does not work when there is infidelity involved. It is a high calling but has enormous rewards. Better to start right than go on a path which is unstable from the start.

I know you are worried about the house. Is it his house? Do you not have anywhere else to go? If not you would be rehoused straight away in the UK. This could be a temporary solution. I think you need to think about these things and come to a place where you can take that option in view of his tendency to be unfaithful. You need to save yourself now before it is too late. Who knows whether it will not give him the shock that is needed.
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Old 27th February 2012, 11:42 AM   #8
Helen_uk
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

Abby, I have only one sentence of advice for you. Get out now.

I can tell you, from personal experience. He won't change , why would he ? There has been little in the way of consequences for what he's done.

I spent 7 years with my ex hoping he would change . He never did. Why would he ? He knew I loved him and would keep making excuses for him and taking him back.

Do yourself a favour , leave . If you don't you'll find yourself 7 years down the line - maybe married and with a child - still suffering the same heartbreak. No man is worth that .
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Old 27th February 2012, 03:26 PM   #9
abby20
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

Thank you for your replies.. you are both right i do need to get out , when do you come to a point in your head when you think thats it i can leave?
Yes its his house raymond i think this worrys me as me and my family have put alot of money in to it all, getting it just right for us and it seems such a heartbreak just walking away from that. i maybe have got places to go, i have considered this but for some stupid reason i cannot froce myself to pick up that courage and just leave!
Abby
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Old 27th February 2012, 03:57 PM   #10
Forever
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

Tell your family everything that you have told us...they will help you if they love you more than the time and money they invested into the house. They will not want you to walk into a future knowing what this man is really like.

Best Wishes Abby...you can do it...and change your numbers quickly after you leave so he does not suck you back into that vortex.
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Old 27th February 2012, 04:25 PM   #11
abby20
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

thank you forever, i think that's one thing that is holding me back..
another thing to think through but hopefully this will help get me out
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Old 27th February 2012, 04:30 PM   #12
Raymond
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

I'm not saying it is easy to leave Abby but I don't see what the alternative will be. In the end relationships matter more than stuff. You deserve better than you are getting. He is not fully yours anyway. His eyes are elsewhere as well as on you.

There may be a place for you being granted some of the property if there was a court case in view of what you and your parents have put into it. You could look into this if you were up to it but emotionally it might be better to confront and then leave if there is no change.

If you cannot make a decision then you endure the present position for who knows how long with all that goes with it. I don't think you can sincerely confront if you are not prepared to leave. There would be no conviction in it and I don't think you would be taken seriously. Apathy will be your worst enemy in the long run and will leave you powerless to change anything. I would work out your way of escape and contemplate it. We are all for preserving marriage on here but we all know that it doesn't work where there is unfaithfulness.
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Old 27th February 2012, 05:46 PM   #13
Helen_uk
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

Abby , to be honest yes you could try and recoup some of the money your family have put into the house. It's worth a try.

Take it from me, peace of mind is worth far more than financial concerns so in your shoes ( and knowing what I know now ) I'd still walk away .

You ask at what point do you think it's time to leave ....

I spent 7 years with my ex, for 5 of those years at least I knew he was cheating . I made excuses for him, told myself I was mistaken. I loved him you see. Those 5 years were absolute hell . I kept checking up on him, I was scared to leave him alone with the computer , I was anxious if his mobile phone wasn't in sight . In the end I was a nervous wreck....

I think perhaps Raymond can remember the state I was in back then .

The crunch came for me when he started an affair with a young girl. She was 17, younger than my eldest son . I was 43, he was 39 . That was the final slap in the face. I threw him out . To me she was still a child .

I would hate for you to get to the state I was in , I heard all the excuses you're hearing now . Trust me. He's cheating and he's lying about his cheating , that won't change and even if you catch him red handed so to speak , he'll have an excuse.

If it was a one off , if he was remorseful you may have had a chance. But it isn't, he isn't and to be brutally honest you're much better off without him.
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Old 27th February 2012, 06:02 PM   #14
Raymond
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

I remember that time Helen. At one point we thought you were going to kill yourself. You did the right thing in the end.
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Old 27th February 2012, 06:13 PM   #15
Helen_uk
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Re: my partner seems to be addicted to being unfaithful

I remember it well Raymond. Reading Abby's posts send shivers down my spine.

I had already tried to commit suicide twice at that point . Granted not just because of him , I was suffering severe clinical depression at the time... but his behaviours certainly didn't help.
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