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Old 18th January 2010, 10:41 AM   #1921
Ageing Grace
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

Well, I'm glad you're having such a good time with your stripper pals - and can afford them!
I wish you wouldn't be so nasty about your wife, though. Now you've got your life sorted according to your requirements, couldn't you at least show the woman some consideration?

Thanks for an entertaining post
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Old 19th January 2010, 03:30 PM   #1922
jellybean28
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

Well now derek I can understand why you are in an unhappy marriage, seems to me that if you can afford to spend money on a stripper, paying for her accomodation, surely you could use that money to move out of your house and support yourself. Sounds like a case of having your cake and eating it (no pun intended).

I can see why you have to pay for sex, with your attitude towards women who don't work in the sex industry I wouldn't find you attractive or desirable no matter how much money you had.

Sex for the sake of sex or so you can brag about your conquests, grow up before your use bye date runs out and you end up a lonely fustrated old man.
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Old 24th January 2010, 06:15 PM   #1923
dalesman
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

Derek I am finding great difficulty in believing that you are for real and that you are not just posting on here for a joke. Here in England paying for sex with prostitutes is not generally considered cause for boasting in fact we think of it as all rather pathetic. If you are genuine then let me tell you something. I too prefer younger ladies and since my divorce many years ago I have dated loads. Many young ladies prefer older men for their maturity, stability and experience. I have also always been honest and made it plain that my interest is only casual.
These is nothing wrong with this as I am single and honest. I am also aware that there is no long term future in any of these dalliances.

If you are a genuinely nice person with something to offer then these relationships will come naturally without having to pay for it. What possible satisfaction can you get when you know these women are professionals. If cold impersonal sex is what floats your boat then its no wonder your wife isn't interested and its probably a good job for her in case she caught some thing nasty.

I once new a man just like you who complained bitterly about his wife and the lack of sex. Like you he used this to justify using escorts. The Joke was that his wife didn't want sex with him because she had been having an affair with the next door neighbour for over 15 years. Now he is a very old man housebound with various illnesses and his wife still goes out on her own leaving him home and alone.
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Old 27th January 2010, 12:37 AM   #1924
Derek
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

I have to laugh at some of your comments.

Why I date strippers as opposed to women who aren't strippers, some reasons why, using a favorite seen OTC (outside the club) as contrasted against the traditional girlfriend / dating relationship.

ATF (Alltime Favorite or favorite stripper - girl at top of depth chart):

You know that you'll get the sex. She is beautiful (mine was a cheerleader and modeled bikinis). Sex is her hobby she says. Like Belle in the BBC show "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" she works to please you. As a matter of fact its one of her fav shows.

The sex is guilt free, even if she's married - mine is and I am approaching 100 sessions with her. Its great sex too as she is excited to give it. She could care less your married - understands your wife has no interest in sex due to female change of life issues and is glad to step in as a pinch hitter. Sure I pay her for sex - so what?

Most likely, you'll never meet her relatives. No pressure to meet her friends.

She doesn't believe in monogamy, even if she is married. No requirement on you to believe in it either.

She's at your beck and call. With mine all I have to do is lay back and let her come get me and then she does me cowboy style. She loves to pose for bikini photos, sometimes nude. Flattered your adding her to your photo archive of different gals you have done over the years.

Most likely, won't want you to dress a certain way.

Doesn't see your place, unless you're stupid.

Will travel with you and enjoy it. Men will wonder where you found her. At the pool she will blow away the other gals. Sex with her back at the cabin will be all nite long.

Might discuss you with her stripper friends, but you'll never hear about it. Some of them may call you offering to meet for session at motel (I call these bonus gals) or for threesome. One stripper I saw for three years I ended up doing two of her friends too (one in a threesome).

Doesn't care what you eat, unless you fart in bed with her.

Is fine with you just as you are. No strings attached. Your age doesn't matter to her. 30 years her senior, no problem. As a matter of fact she loves it.

You can budget what you'll spend on her.

She can go longer in bed than reg GF and won't rush you. Within half hour to hour she is ready to go again.


Traditional Girlfriend / Dating Relationship;

Sex can be iffy. She may have an unreasonable time limit as to how long the realtionship goes before it can happen. She only wants it a certain way; how you want it is not a priority with her.

Sex carries with it, an emotional price tag. Always worried about some kinda emotional crap issue. Criticises you for not being vital or emotional enough. "Why don't you have a sense of humor like Bobby (guy who dumped her) and I wonder why I haven't met any of your friends" she will say (your tempeted to suggest her to go to the Strip Club with you ha ha where you have plenty of friends, many who blow her away in the looks department).

May be 20 or more years old and still a virgin or throw up all kind of barriers about her precious virginity. If your smart you will show her the door.

You must meet her relatives, and pretend to like them. Lots of family and church crap. She gets ticked if you don't care much for her friends or fall asleep while her mother talks about a boring vacation they went on.

Believes in the unrealistic lifestyle of monogomy and expects your to practice it. Doesn't understand wanting different sex partners simply part of human evolutionary history.

She wants you accounted for 7/24 (she knows she can't compete with strippers).

After a month or two, wants you to wear unmasculine clothing.

Is bothered that you are married. May give a deadline as to when you should leave wife. Doesn't understand the concept of no strings or sex just for fun.

Wants to reorganize and redecorate your place.

Won't give you time of day in bar because your not "age group appropriate."

Trip? Oh you'll get her input as to where to go, and what to see. But sex, it will occur not as frequent as you like she will make sure of that.

Ran a poll on you with her friends, and lets you in on every gory detail.

Will regulate your diet at some point.

Her eventual goal is to emasculate you and carry your balls around in her purse.

Will nag you to meet certain financial goals and will tell you how to spend her, I mean your money. If you marry her, prepare to hand your paycheck over to her.

Last edited by Unregistered; 27th January 2010 at 01:11 AM.
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Old 27th January 2010, 12:57 AM   #1925
Ageing Grace
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

I don't have a problem with the sex industry, Derek, nor with people (of either sex) who choose sex as a transaction. What makes you so repulsive is your absurd delusion that the girls enjoy sex with you - or anything about you, except your money. Beats me why you *need* to believe they're with you from choice - you talk about them as if they were cars, so why not get with the program and accept you get the sex because you pay for it? Try telling AF you're not planning to deliver any more cash for a while, and see how much she enjoys your company, or your stupid massages, then.

Your attitude to women has evidently poisoned your marriage. I can only imagine your long-suffering wife is waiting for you to die, if there's going to be any estate left after you've given it all to call girls. I hope she wakes up & divorces you before then, the courts would have a field day.

Do keep posting, though. You make me laugh.
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Old 27th January 2010, 08:19 AM   #1926
jellybean28
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

Oh Derek

I don't know whether to pity you or depise you. With your total lack of respect for women you are going to get burned one day. Don't underestimate the inteligence of women who work in the sex industry or the fact they talk to each other about their clients. One day you will get caught out no matter how discrete you think you are being.

Do you really think other men are jealous when you are seen with a beautiful woman on your arm? If that' what you think you are a bigger fool than I first thought or delusional.

Oh men who brag about and give details about there sex lives like you do are either delusional or not getting it as much as they say they are.

As for your poor wife I hope she's spending your money on having a good time, she deserves it, putting up with you. Selfish coward are a couple of words that come to mind.

Your delusions would make for a great script for one of those awful American shows. You the ones "I can't get up unless I"m paying for it" Just think if you went and bought yourself a blow up doll you could get it whenever you wanted without paying for it, save you a fortune.
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Old 27th January 2010, 08:31 AM   #1927
jellybean28
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

Dalesman

Thank your for your honest post. You appear to have a healthy respect for women.
I would be happy to share an evening with a gentleman like you, without expecting payment for my company.

As for Dereck if he is for real, the women he pays to spend their time with him deserve every last penny they can get out of him, including all expenses.

I to have seen men like Dereck who have ended up in nursing homes, to live the end of there days hoping their long suffering wives, will take time out from their busy days of living it up and praying that they will bring in a few treats for them to make their life a little more pleasant.
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Old 27th January 2010, 04:28 PM   #1928
Dakereb
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

Well, Derek, if you were suffering a terminal illness, who would be there for you?
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Old 28th January 2010, 02:57 AM   #1929
Derek
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

[QUOTE=Dakereb;51453]Well, Derek, if you were suffering a terminal illness, who would be there for you?[/QUOTE]

Not at all worried - probably no one. I will die with a smile on my face knowing all the fine gals I have had.

At least I have done something pro-active about my lack of sex due to my dead marriage. My only regret is not doing it much sooner. A guy on a stripper customer site I access said he left empty condom wrappers, strip club brochures, and empty viagra bottles around the house to get his wife to file for divorce. A gutsy fellow to say the least. My advice to any guy not getting enough at home: Go to a strip club and get a couple of lap dances, have a beer, and enjoy the buffet. Get your lifetime VIP at your fav club, now you have your wings. Do a few gals otc or itc and now your a topgun. You will never hang your head again!
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Old 29th January 2010, 01:12 AM   #1930
bigben
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

In the past 3 and a half years my wife and i have had sex 3 times. Five years ago i began to feel as though i was doing all the running - feeling very unloved - i kept a count how often we made love - that year it was once - initiated by me - i'd spent the whole year waiting for my wife to initiate something - but it didn't happen. The next year was exactly the same. I then threw in the towel - i couldn't bring myself to ask anymore. As i said - since then we have made love three times - and each time it has been when we have been on holiday- and although it made me very happy - i could tell she wasn't very interested. We have been married for 35 years,and not long ago i was doing alot of soul searching - and a few things came to my attention - my wife has never liked french kissing - she never has put her tongue in my mouth - (i clean my teeth at least twice a day) and also only once has she ever kissed me either on my lips or face - she used to offer her face to me to kiss her goodbye - but even this stopped some while ago. When she goes to bed she just says "goodnight".She has never put her arm around me in bed - or touched my face lovingly. I try and keep in good shape - i'm not over weight - i don't smoke - and just have a couple of bevvys at the weekend. We have three kids no longer at home - and - i do love my wife - but is this enough?? My self confidence sometimes hits the floor - i don't know what to do anymore. I sometimes look at porn on the internet for abit of relief - and then feel discusted with my self and guilty. A few months ago i really did think of ending my life - for about three days i tried to think of the easiest way - but i ended up breaking down in tears - and then felt better for a while - but i'm up and down like a yo-yo. Please - please - someone out there - help! - give me some advice - i just want to be wanted - and loved. x
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Old 29th January 2010, 08:58 AM   #1931
1aokgal
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

Hey Derek..

Thanks for your interesting and entertaining life here for all of us. I bet the lap dance girls and pros you claim do you, describe your small private parts and the charitable acts they do for you in exchange for the big bucks you give them. I believe in the free enterprise system and while you support them, they won't hit the social systems. So we won't need to help them out. That money is why they tolerate a wrinkled old guy who deludes himself about why they boff him.

I am proud of your wife for kicking you to the curb because she is giving your children the companionship, values and ideals to which you cannot aspire. You are likely just an older addition of the younger man who is selfish , egotistical and narcissistic. Great that you make good money because I think your wife will get clued in one day, as you squire a pal around, and someone shares the gossip with her. She will shoot for the wad/cash and leave your balls for another. She also spares herself the possibility of an ugly disease you might bring home.

Sad to think you believe your own PR here about your great stud performance! Those pumps work well! Your wife probably has good friends and a support network who appreciate her and share the important things that she does to hold up her end of this shoddy bargain. I wonder how she decribes you in relation to the mean spirited man who used to be the nice man in the wedding photograph? I say your spirit is shrivelled and sad. You will likely end up infirm... with all your various problems you mention. Your children won't give you the time of day except to wait for what is left when you are gone.

Hopefully you will die before you blow it all on wine, women and song. I suspect your staying power is mechanical and even for a buck, gals get fussy. So one day when you are down and all used up, you will wish someone loves you. I hope you make your peace before that with your God because you are someone most won't care to know. How lonely for you.

Don't stop posting though as we can use a laugh here. We also realize you must be a really, sad , sick person and have compassion you are so lost.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 29th January 2010 at 08:26 PM.
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Old 29th January 2010, 09:33 AM   #1932
1aokgal
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

SallyBee...

I hope things are better for you. Not that i think the situation has changed but that you come to realize the mirror is not your problem. I read between the lines that you assimilate all this as something is not right with you. That is so not the case.

When a man worships porn that is is mate of choice. It is a fantasy world, pretty much like Derek haunts hookers because these men often can't function normally with a partner who wants more than a transient performance that lasts a few minutes. A relationship means that there is emotional content and time to make a partner comfortable. A good lover can invest some time in intimate foreplay and techniques. Both should enjoy the act , and not the one to meet his needs as automated as a tooth brush.

A real man takes pride in his performance and ability to please a partner. He delights in being close and doing things together beyond a mattress. Love is about the sharing and giving to another..not in the taking and drawing back into the shell. Your husband has shut you out. He is incapable to give and is afraid to love ina normal way as he fears rejection. That is likely childhood trauma and unless you have years to wait for that nut to crack in counselling, make other plans.

He prefers an easy route to physical relase. It is like the fetal position that one returns to when immature and self centered. Meeting his needs, denies you any emotional/physical outlet. He holds you hostage while you go through torture to try to find out what is wrong and FIX it. You can't FIX a broken person.

Now you just work on you to be happier with what pleases you and improve your talents and abilities. Don't stay in a hopeless situation that erodes your confidence and your womanhood. Shoot for your independence from being miserable with someone who dosen't know you exist. Stop the self analysis. It was never about you. It is about him. He is joyless and a shell. Buy him a subscription to a porn mag and get yourself to the gym and beauty shop.
Celebrate who you are and get out with friends. Don't let him call the shots on your life. The best may be yet to come.
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Old 29th January 2010, 01:23 PM   #1933
BigBen
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

Hi All - one thing i just must say - and it's something that really does get on my nerves - not ALL men have a one dimensional view of women. To me - the one basic thing i crave for is love and affection -( ok - so its two things - but you get my drift here)- but if a man wants love and affection alot of women take the view of "Oh --- typical man!!! - always wants reassuring for his huge ego!!!! ------- but------ if a woman wants love and affection, then that is perfectly ok.
To me, sex is the icing on the cake - but i want to be loved first. Another thing - why is it, with some women, (so i gather) do they expect the man to "provide" the sex and then for the woman to give marks out of ten!!!Sex should be something that is given and taken by both partners.Alot of women see men as totally emotionless - (ok- some men - maybe - but then again - some women are as cold as ice too!!!).
I think i'm quite affectionate - i always greet female friends with a kiss and cuddle - (and its always returned) - i just want my wife to be like it - but she isn't. She told me when we were first married that she wasn't really the affectionate type - how right she was. Like i said in my previous message, i love her - but i get so down and i feel so rejected - my self confidence goes so low. I always try and understand how she feels - but i must say i really do believe she doesn't love me - simple as that. I think marrage makes some couples take each other forgranted - and they loose respect for each other. If two people REALLY love each other then they would do ANYTHING to keep them.
Isn't it strange that so many people are in a mis-matched realtionship. Why couldn't all the sex-loving women have met all the sex-loving men and all the sex hating women have met all the sex hating men - sorry i missed all the women-women and men-men realationships - but its still the same.
I don't want a cold relationship with a stranger - i want my wife - truly - i want us to be intimate - just a touch of a hand from time to time - just a loving kiss on the cheek from time to time - just to hear the words "I love you" every now and then. I have tried but everything i say or do fails.I want to make love and then cuddle - is that really TOO much to ask - it costs nothing. My wife works hard, as i do, and i take my share with house work and cleaning - but if i am honest - yes - she does do more than me.
Sometimes i think i'm turning into a woman!!!! - because everything i feel is what i read from alot of women - and i don't believe for one second i am the only man who feels this way.
Thankyou for reading this - i read all your messages with great interest.
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Old 29th January 2010, 07:24 PM   #1934
spiderman
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

bloody hell Ben...thats exactly like my relationship was with my now ex wife.....so no your not the only male who wants affection and love and isnt emotionless

Lee
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Old 29th January 2010, 08:45 PM   #1935
1aokgal
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

Dear Bigben..

I am right on your page, guy, all that and more. Why don't we all jump in a big brown paper bag and get a shake so we can end up with someone like ourselves? A warm, loving, giving, spontaneous human being who loves us and desires to be with us physically. Where did the locked eyes go and the touch that made one shiver with joy? When did a smile seem pasted on because we try to do the right thing, while our partner robs us of all we thought we got in a marriage.

Sad, empty moments? I had a billion of those while I go about lonely life. I feel sadness when I see others who have what I do not. A sad place for me is a grocery store. You have couples engaged in the small details of daily life and they are warm. You can tell they share passion. That is not how I feel with him. He is such a dysfunctional human being who for years tells me how he loves me and meets his own needs. I am living single in a king size bed with a man who works elsewhere as best he can. The stranger there on the other side is my husband.
Telling it here is the best I can do, because this is not what you tell others. They wouldn't believe that nice guy who opens doors for me and compliments me is assexual.

Yes, if we could have it to do over.... we would have run the other direction. Truth is, I am a nice lady and look OK but lucky in love, I am not. What to do? Where to go? No where. Nothing. You make the best of a sorry situation in my age bracket. There are no more go arounds. Pity, he now has Cancer and wishes for my compassion. I can do that because I am 1aokgal, but there is no love to spare anymore. My heart is shrivelled. There is none for him. At least..not today.
I have on and off days. I do other things that make me content with those parts of my life. It is in compartments.

I advise you to build those separate places where you find a part of happiness and do the best you can with it. She sounds like a frozen turkey who her guards her knees.... so little hope with that one. Pity. We do understand you here and hope you have a better day tomorrow.
HUGS

Last edited by 1aokgal; 30th January 2010 at 01:39 AM.
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