Hay
I thought I right this up as a collective advice for anyone considering Muslim spouse... I have had the delightful experience of knowing so many and knowing them inside out for few years and due to my work I have been living in few muslim countries... I do NOT advice of inter faith marriages what so ever as its hard work, but sometimes love is worth it!!.. so here is few things that you need to know before you get yourself into the crazy life ahead of you.
the first three basic things to know:
Firstly Muslims, can marry any "believer" i.e Jewish or Christian, so don't get fooled to think that you have to convert. no you dont... and he needs to respect your religion and make sure you tell him that...
2ndly in Islam, Woman has the upper hand... people find it hard to believe, but its true, Islamiclly your wedding contract only give the right to the man to have sex with you.. i.e he is "allowed" to have sex with you not own you and force you... the rest is his job, he needs to feed you cloth you and put a roof on top of your head. however culturally its different, so talk to him and know what he expects of you! and what roles you believe that you should play in this relationship...
3dly, there is no standard marriage contract, and women allowed to add anything she wants to it, Like to never ask her to convert! to only have sex on Saturday if thats what you want! what ever suits you.. and if he breaks that that then the marriage is off!! also many think in islam only man has the right to divorce which is not true, its just they have two different names for it, "Divorce" for when man asks to end the marriage and something called "khulla" when the woman asks for divorce... both has to go through a judge and nothing different between them!!
basics are over.... warning signs:
The basic rule is that muslims have strong attachment to their religion, although they might break away from that while they are young and crazy but they all kind of wake up and try to settle down and go back to their religion after ... so:
Surly the first thing is, if he is insisting to convert to islam... just tell him to go learn about his religion first then come back and talk about converting.... never do such thing unless its what you want.
If he Drinks and doesnt care about having sex before marriage then .... AVOID, if he cant keep with the basic of his religion he is not going to keep his word to you...
If he cheated on you once... rule apply to all ...AVOID, specially those young ones no matter how much he told you he loves you!
if he lives alone and family in a different country... AVOID as there is a huge chance he is just playing around away from his family's eyes, unless he is asking you to go away with him to meet them.
.... Now that you are in a relationship with him... few points that I have seen occur the most:
HE will for sure want his kids to be muslim, and will move heaven and earth for that, and I admit that i would do the same too myslef as i wont my kids to believe in what i believe, so if you are not ok about that make sure you tell him and put it in your marriage contract...
He is allowed to marry more than one, but Islam is adoptive religion, so if the country you are in doesnt allow such thing then islamiclly he is not allowed, so dont fool yourself to accept such thing. plus he cant do that unless you give him permission to do so!! madly some women do!!
if he is religious, he will probably will have an issue of you dressing immodestly specially in front of friends, so take his feeling into account, and its better for you anyway, but if you cant then just good luck!
Finally... is there any good muslims... ??? ... funnily enough, its the ones that understand their religion fully... as in islam, they see pleasing ones wife is part of the religion. and they have a saying that says (which i like):
Women are like curved fragile bone.. you might not like its curving, but if you try to straighten it, then it will break, so better give it tender and care and grow to love the way she is.
So if he actually says no to sex before marriage, he respects your religion, beside the odd discussion... and gives you your rights and looking after you you are going on the right tracks... otherwise just step back right now...
This is what I have seen from my experience, not all muslims are the same, so you need to know what you are getting into first... so ask him about all what is mentioned before and that will show his true himself, and it will give you a clear picture of what he thinks, and probably gets a shock that you know this much...
but in no mean I advice this in anyway... as i cant cope with it myself!!
Good luck.. and some times it pays to put your head before your heart!!
AB
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