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Old 15th February 2010, 04:38 PM   #1
Diamond
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Gods Time

Hi All I wondered if i could get some guidance over an issue that i have been going through.

Up until yesterday I was engaged. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years, basically since i started uni. He and i were never friends to begin with. He was a friend of a friend, and we both liked each other and we got to know each other for a while, then we started dating. He cheated on me a few months into the relationship, but i forgave him, and that was the end of that. both our relationships with God was not good

We have been arguing a lot throughout the relationship years (serious arguments), but because of the love we have for each other, we decided to commit to each other, and try to work at it. He has been with me throughout my trials and difficulties and me the same. Now As christians, we do not live together.

Last week, we got into a disagreement, he banged his fist on my car and shouted at me telling me to shut up - this is not the first time he has done that. I decided walk away when he wanted to resolve it, but because of how upset i was, i just wanted some space. We have been having christian marriage counselling from his father ( as he is the pastor of the church we both attend) twice a month since 2009 and still no improvement of the arguement situation

Does this mean that God does not want us to be together. We both have opposite personalities, he is extrovert, whereas i am introvert, but we cope with our differences well. I love him and want to help him to succeed at anything, but he wants us to both take a break from the relationship and each other to seek God, improve our relationship with God and find out more about Gods purpose for each of our lives, and then, if say, after year or so, if God permits us to be with one another, he will make it happen.

I do understand, but am finding it difficult to deal with. He says that this time apart is not for him to explore other women, but to get closer to God, he told me he still loves me and will find it difficult as he cannot shut down feelings, love and care he has for me, but it is something he needs to do and wants me to do the same which i agree.

My heart is shattered.I know that for a marriage or relationship to work, succeed and be enriched, both parties must know thier purpose and have a secure relationship in Christ before a marriage can work to its best, but im justing finding it hard to realise that we are not working at the moment.

Does God know my heart and how much I love him and want our relationship to work and worship him together?

Any advice or help from my brothers or sisters in christ
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Old 16th February 2010, 09:22 AM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Gods Time

Hi Diamond. Your boyfriend obviously has issues that he wants to work through. Personally I think he is being very wise in following through what he believes is right. You will benefit from this when you do get married to him, so allow him the time and pray for him. It seems God has things to sort in him before he embarks on marriage.

I am glad God sorted me before marriage otherwise it might have been hell. My wife says the same about herself. It's not that you have to be perfect to get married but there are certain issues which are best sorted before and I think your boyfriend may fall into this category.

You are both learning God's ways more perfectly and this will stand you in good stead for the future.

I know you are finding it difficult but from where I stand it look like the best thing. It doesn't mean God doesn't want you married. That may just be a fear getting in. You will work much better together if you allow your boyfriend to go through this process and I believe I do have God's witness about this.

Raymond
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Old 17th February 2010, 03:37 PM   #3
Diamond
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Re: Gods Time

Hi Raymond

Thank you for your wise words, and guidance based on your experience and also the word of God.

We are both to meet tomorrow evening and discuss it more in depths, but I feel like saying that we should get back together and sort it all out. I know that as christians, we should not let emotions take control of us, but rather we should control them, but after 6 years of a relationship, this will be very difficult.

I will pray for him and also take this opportunity to Grow in the Lord and find myself and have a better relationship with God, but does that mean that we shouldnt talk to each other, or go out or do things together because we are spending time apart ?

He txt me saying that he still loves me, and is finding this desicion very difficult. He said that he wants us to be best friends and God willing, he wants me to be his wife - but do we have to spend this time apart seeking God for this to happen ??

I know that in order for a marriage to be fruitfull, both parties must have a fruitfull and deeper relationship with God, but can we not work on this together.

I know you said that neither parties have to be perfect before marriage, but sometimes i feel that he wants everything to be 100 % before marriage.

Why would God allow us to have a 6 year relationship, love one another, get engaged, and then make us take this very difficult desicion of spending time apart.

I know that i'm asking a lot of questions, but they are things I've had on my mind.

A hurting woman of God

Diamond
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Old 17th February 2010, 10:05 PM   #4
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Gods Time

I think it is a matter of putting God first and trusting him Diamond. Sometimes when you want something too much God can put you through a test. I've known this to happen to some who have been too anxious about it all. It's not that God doesn't want to bless you but he wants you to trust Him for His best.

Whether this is happening or not I don't know. What we do know is it is coming from your boyfriend whatever it is and if there are things that need to happen allow that space. I wouldn't try and manipulate it too much. Play it as he wants. His reasons sound very good to me. Obviously this makes you anxious but you have to trust that God is a matchmaker and if you commit to Him you will have the right person. I would say that having peace about something is very important as well. I certainly had that when I proposed and it turned out to be the right thing for me and I can say that my wife was the right one for me after all these years. She was put through a test as it happens. It was almost as if God said to her are you willing to give him up if it is right. As soon as she was willing the thing lifted and she knew that she would be married to me.

I'm not saying you will go though that. I didn't as it happens. I just had peace about it. She was the one who was passionately in love with me for two years without me even knowing about it.

All in all I would go with what he wants, unless you can see something obviously negative, but it doesn't sound like that to me. I would listen to him and try to submit to him however he wants to work it out. As I said you will be the benefactor in the end.

Raymond
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