Hello C
I'm sure that others will read your post, but I just wanted to encourage you to find someone at church to talk to and get to pray with you. It needs to be someone that you can trust to keep anything you tell them to themselves, perhaps the minister.
Another thing you might find helpful would be to look at Kate's article about
managing money issues in your relationship. There are other resources on this subject in the same section of the site
here. It seems from what you have said that you have different ways of viewing your money and how to spend it and that you need some safe way to talk this through. It may be that your husband finds it difficult when money is tight - this could be a sense of insecurity or even a sense of failure if he sees himself as the bread winner of the family. There may be other issues to do with power and control and anger management in your relationship too.
I know it's hard but do try and find the grace to
forgive and bless your husband when he behaves harshly to you, to guard against becoming bitter. I don't mean that you should be a doormat and accept his behaviour when it is unreasonable. I really think it would be helpful to find someone at church who can come alongside you and support you through this as well as posting here. It may take wisdom and courage to do it, but the Lord will give you that if you ask him.
Liz