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Old 21st September 2011, 12:17 AM   #106
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Sorry, my mistake for misunderstanding but I am guilty as charged as to that subject. My body cannot go for this long without some kind of release and I don't think it is wrong because I am forced to this. I didn't mean to get into this but people on this site suggested such a thing but they really didn't have to.

We all have needs and I am not ashamed of it and if he was doing what he was supposed to anything of that nature wouldn't be necessary. I do apologize if I am offending anyone. The truth of the matter is he doesn't respond to anything of a physical nature. He will not come to bed and do things half measure.

If and when he decides to make love again it will be as it always was and he shows no interest at all so I have to let him be. I am as loving to him as I can be and apparently, even though he was shocked to hear it, a year of no love making is not enough to make him move, and it isn't like I don't dress in a sexual way when I'm home.

Not on purpose but I wear short and tank tops because its so hot and that would effect a normal man but he acts as though he could care less. However; I don't know what he's thinking so I will not assume he isn't still attracted to me and it is only fear that is preventing him from trying. We love each other but its like we are just roommates, except that I am also housekeeper and cook.

I don't mind cooking and cleaning house because I take pride in both but other than hugs once in awhile and the occasional kiss that I instigate, there is nothing physical about our relationship. I have done and said all that I can. I talked to him in a patient and kind way about it and don't show anger over it and he still isn't interested.

I have never in my life had to interest a husband or any man in sleeping with me and so this is difficult for me. Its up to God now. I can't fix him or even help him get over this or try to be with me. If he doesn't want to I can't force him too and talking about it some more will only alienate him and I don't want to do this.

On the surface it seems like a lost cause but I believe God can still do miracles, but whether my h will accept help from God is another thing. He is a christian, albeit by way of being a catholic, so he knows this isn't the way to have a relationship but its like he doesn't care about anything except his own activities and life.

However; he is very kind to me and makes sure I have things and is thoughtful with giving me roses and such. I do have something very good to share with you and it has changed my whole attitude. As I have said, my best friend is not a christian, but I have a friend who was very close to me in the past and she was a minister's wife and we lost touch about 12 years ago.

I asked my mother to try and find her, her name is Patty and we went to the same church together and hung out and she has the type of personality that is very positive and she just puts a different spin on things and we've always been close from when we first met when my son was about three and he's now 36.

My mom found her and I called her and it was so wonderful to talk to someone about things and of course she is very understanding about his situation and knows all about it, she's a counselor now, and I can't tell you how wonderful it felt to talk to her again and it was as if the last 12 years never happened and we talked last week.

It's just what I needed. We do a lot of laughing together and this is just the best thing that's happened to me in a long while. She has never been judgmental and we are a lot alike in our natures, physical and spiritual and this is just what I needed and I'm so happy. She just called and I talked to her some more and its a great feeling to talk to someone who knows you so well and in all the years we were friends we never once got into a disagreement about anything.

She was an alcoholic before we met and her husband at the time was a member of the Hells Angels motorcycle group so she is very street savy and someone that was very special to me and now I have her back. This is a very good thing and changes everything. She understands what I've been going through and we're still trying to catch up but when I talked to her I was just so happy.

Of course I told my h about it and he just looked at me, his face never changing expression and I felt like I shouldn't have bothered. As to him and I she said you never know what's going to happen in the future when God is working for you. This is what I needed and of course God knew that.
 
Old 21st September 2011, 12:54 PM   #107
Raymond
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I wonder if you are even taking in what I am saying about pressure to perform Baroness.
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Old 21st September 2011, 05:10 PM   #108
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I have told you that there is no pressure on him to perform. I don't talk about it or get upset when he doesn't try, nothing. I leave him alone and just show love and support and he isn't interested. What is it that you think I should do? Keep talking to him and alienating him more? He has a problem that he doesn't want to get help for.

He doesn't care about my feelings in the matter and has no plans to change anything that I can see. It is not up to me to fix this man, I can't anyway even if I wanted to. When I got upset with him that one time I was justified in doing so. I have been very patient and even kind throughout this whole ordeal which has lasted a long time.

If I make any attempt to bring up this subject he will get upset and be uncomfortable. He wants me to just go along with what is happening and pretend like he does that everything is fine. He doesn't care enough about my feelings to make any effort at all, at least not so far. I have gone above and beyond what any other woman would in my situation.

A needy woman, one who has to have a man take care of her, would just go along with whatever he dished it, even if it meant cheating on her but I am not a needy woman in that I need him to take care of me. I can take care of myself and have been doing it for a long time. I'm talking financially and when things need to get done I do them, and rarely ask for his help.

I wait on him and do nice things for him like bringing his dinner and sometimes taking his empty plate if I am finished as well. I leave him to watch his reruns and occupy myself because I can't just sit around and do nothing; it isn't my way. I also can't let this man destroy my self esteem because he doesn't want to sleep with me.

I treat him well and always have and he is decent to me as well but there are times when I'm talking about something he will say it doesn't have anything to do with him. He is like a separate island all to himself and he isn't interested in my past or what I went through and changes the subject when I try to share with him but has no problem talking about his past to me.

He loves me but its a strange kind of love to not be interested in the person you are supposed to be in love with. He doesn't care that I have had to go without sex for all this time, he won't discuss it and just expects me to adjust. I thought he knew me better than that. There is no pressure on him to do anything, much less make love to me.

I don't nag him and I don't speak to him harshly and if he's done something I don't approve of I will talk to him in a calm and rational tone most of the time, but the point is he is not making love to me and hasn't in awhile and doesn't care. Whether its from fear of failure or just pure selfishness, I don't know.

If he truly has ed, and I think he does, then I sympathize with him as a man who can't admit he can't perform like he used to but I tell you now, Raymond, this is never going to change,at least not from him. God could speak to him but I am like every man's dream come true as a partner because I make no demands, go out of my way to please him, and don't complain about things, just deal with them.

His friends I have made my friends but he has no interest in forming any kind of relationship with my friends. He will have nothing to do with my best friend because he thinks she's domineering and when I mention the old friend I just contacted he had no response because he has no interest in meeting her because I told him she was a christian and in a ministry.

When I was at my moms her next door neighbor is very spiritual and was a minister and when he was there I wanted him to meet her and he wouldn't just tell me and my mom he didn't want to meet her. He told me to go to her house and he would be along and he never came. I found him working on the van and he said he had to do that instead.

I told him I knew the reason why he didn't come and it didn't have anything to do with the van, it was because I said she was a minister. He didn't say anything. We have no christian friends together and as an ex catholic he has issues with christians trying to tell him how to live. I told you he has issues and he does.

He says the bible is open to interpretation which means what I read in it doesn't mean that's what he reads in it. We don't go to church together because he's up at the canyon and won't give that up and has no interest in going to church because he thinks all he needs is to meditate. I can't talk to him about what a real christian is like because the walls come up. The walls come up regarding a lot of things and talking about our sexual relationship is one of them.

We hardly have anything in common anymore except maybe football and music and a few movie selections. I am always busy with some project, he's happy to sit on the sofa and do nothing but watch tv and go up to the canyon. I don't think he needs me in his life at all other than to bring him his dinner.

This morning he was up early and I got up and he knew it and left before I came into the room and he's done this several times. No good morning or anything, its like he's avoiding me in the mornings or something and I may just ask him about it. The only area I've ever seen him passionate about is if someone was rude to him up and the canyon or making love to me. Those two things he is passionate about but only if he's had a couple of beers.

Sober, he isn't passionate about much and is quick to get frustrated when I'm trying to explain something technical to him and he in turn does not explain things to me well. He doesn't bother telling me what he's thinking because he can only see things from his perspective and doesn't care what other people are thinking.

At first he was still trying to make love because he was afraid I was going to leave him, but he knows I wouldn't give up my home and because I have stayed even though we have no sex life, he feels safe that I will stay no matter what he does or doesn't do and that's where he's wrong. I will not be taken advantage of.

I am not a woman that is weak or will take abuse of any kind, physical or mental and yet I have been very patient with him and have loved him anyway, regardless of him being self centered about this. If you truly love someone you will care about how they feel and how you are making them feel, but he doesn't care about how I feel obviously and just gets an attitude every time I try to discuss this subject.

I truly believe that if I left him he would manage just fine. I know he would miss me but he wouldn't do anything to get me back just like he didn't do anything before when I left him. Is this a man in love? Sometimes I doubt it and sometimes I just think that's the way he is.

The problem is that when we got together he was different because we were in bars and he was always passionate, but when we quit going and I quit vodka things began to change. The closer I get to God the more distance there is between us. I am a happy, positive person and he is not. He used to be and he will say he is happy. Why shouldn't he be? He runs the tv and does whatever he wants.

He has a good woman who will not tell him what to do or screech at him and one who treats him like a king and doesn't leave when he stops making love to her. He says he loves me and we will always be together and yet there are times when he can't believe I am still with him. There are times when I can't believe it either.

I am trying to tell you that I treat this man good and don't pressure him in the least. We have an easy understanding about the way we live as far as things we want to do. We don't ask each other's permission but will accept advice on whatever it is but he will go ahead and do what he wants anyway. He has no clue as to how a christian marriage should be or even how a relationship should be.

Every relationship he's had and that includes his ex wife has been with women he met in bars and except for the time he was raising his daughters on his own, he has always drank and in the beginning I told him I didn't think we would have much of a life outside the bars because that's what our life was based on at first.

He said that wouldn't be the case but the truth is that he doesn't really have much of a personality without drinking. I have to wait until he has a couple of beers before I talk to him about some things and there has never been a time that we have made love without drinking, that I can think of. I'm telling you all this so you can understand where I am coming from.

When he was an emotional wreck I was patient and loving to him. When he hurt his back in my apt. and couldn't move, I took care of him and waited on him hand and foot and I had only known him 2 months. When he lashed out at me when drunk I defended myself and we would argue but I always forgave him.

When he would leave this house and not come back because he was at the bar, I took it and told him how much this upset me and for him to just tell me where he was going. And when I called the bar when he didn't show up for hours, he would tell me he was coming home and it would be another few hours before he would show up and I took this too.

When he kept things from me that I found out on my own I just accepted it because I don't demand to know everything and he is not accountable to me nor I to him and I have lived this way and just dealt with it. But when he stopped making love to me I had a problem with it a couple of years ago when sex was only once in awhile.

Now it is a year of absolutely no sex and I have a problem with it, you bet I do. I have put up with a lot and that isn't to say he hasn't put up with some things either, but after all that we've been through he can't make the effort to either be with me or get help? Nine years of heartache, happiness, and frustration and this man doesn't care how I feel?

No way, not in a million years will I just accept this and live my life without any kind of affection. God of course deals with me and helps me at the same time and its only because of God that I can treat him the way I do. Loving him is easy and showing love is even easier because its in my nature to do so. Living the rest of my life without this man making love to me is not in my nature to do so.
 
Old 21st September 2011, 06:15 PM   #109
Raymond
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I know where you are coming form Baroness as you have mentioned it so many times on this thread.

I see a man who you said had passionate sex with you. One day he couldn't quite get an erection (sorry to be so blunt). You questioned this during foreplay which I believe could have produced the pressure to perform in his mind being the sort of man he is. Maybe he was trying to get an erection when you caught him that one time. Who knows? However nice you are to him now your niceness may not be enough to take away the performance pressure he might feel in his mind. This is why he might be getting upset when you mention it. You must admit he is mighty touchy about it.

I think the answer might be you getting across that you are not expecting an erection if that is the way it is but we can still enjoy something together can't we? I'm not saying you use those words. I think in his mind he is thinking that you think he should be able to perform and have sex with an erection. If you can dispel those fears it might go some way in reducing the performance pressure he has in his head.

It is not a case of you not putting pressure on him it is a case maybe of releasing the pressure performance he has already taken on in his head.

Obviously it would help if he was a christian so don't give up on that one.
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Old 23rd September 2011, 04:03 AM   #110
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

It wasn't 'one day' he didn't get an erection so I snapped at him.It had been going on for a year or more, less sex and no orgasms for him at all even though he said he had them. I don't think he even remembers the incident since he was drinking at the time. Maybe he does but he can't latch on to something I said because I was telling the truth and had been trying to get him hard for over half an hour.

It wasn't happening and if I were to say to him for us to get pleasure another way or whatever, he wouldn't like that very much because it would be insinuating that he wasn't up to the task. And as for me expecting an erection; if he can m then he can surely rise to the occasion with me in bed. He got an erection that night but he couldn't keep it and was expecting me to help him get it back.

From being with him for years in bed I know that if it isn't coming back in 20 minutes, it isn't going to and I think we were both frustrated that night. That has nothing to do with all our nights of successful lovemaking. Now he has ed but can m. I don't know if he's successful or not but he has the desire. I didn't get impatient with him just because he couldn't rise to the occasion, like you suggested.

I'm not like that, I always say that's fine, I'm tired anyway or whatever. The point is that in a very short while its going to be a year with no attempts from him at all and I resent him thinking that this is okay with me. We don't discuss sex, not even when we were having it. We just go to bed and have at it and no words are necessary.

I told you we have always made love while drinking and now it seems neither one us knows how to broach the subject when we're not. He has never asked to make love to me, thank God, I hate it when they ask, he has just taken what he wanted and that's the way I wanted it. It was always understood that this is what would happen.

We'd have some drinks, listen to music, he'd take a shower and I'd be in bed waiting for him and 45 minutes later it would be over and we'd hold each other. Now he doesn't move from the sofa, no shower and no sex. It appears that we have nothing between us except an easy living arrangement and friendship to a certain degree.

There is no sex and it doesn't look like he loves me, but I know he does. He is going through a terrible time because he can't perform like he used to. Its easy for him to stay out there most of the time because he isn't drinking now and he has never made a move when he's been sober. This is a man who has been in bars so long he doesn't know how to act outside of them.

His personality is different when he's drinking and he's more loving and affectionate and yet he still doesn't want to make love. Even when he sleeps in here he will say he loves me but will make no move towards me and I am laying there naked under the covers or on top of them and he just turns his body and goes to sleep. Sometimes he will hold me. I think he will never have sex with me again.

I asked him a couple of months ago if we were ever going to sleep together again and he said yes and he knew I was referring to sex but I don't believe that. He is being very unfair to me. It wouldn't take anything for him just to say he was getting older and slowing down and that he loved me and it wasn't because of me.

No, he lets me think whatever I want to about this, including thinking he isn't attracted to me anymore. We get along great and even laugh together sometimes and we have an easy relationship but there's more to a relationship than that. There has to be some kind of physical contact or it will all fall apart.

I believe some women can remain with a man like this, I think they had a life with their man and aren't willing to give it up and sex isn't that important to them anyway. I am not a woman like that, sex is very important. I don't sit around and think about it all the time but sex is part of who I am and I was a late bloomer but I caught up.

Now I am living with a man who can't or won't even try to make love and no matter what I said to him one night out of frustration, this does not excuse him ignoring me and pretending like everything is fine. He really owes me an apology but he won't admit there's a problem.

Maybe he thinks it will go away or come back, whatever the case may be, and meanwhile I have to live like this. I try not to think about it and keep busy but I can't do that for the rest of my life. No, he doesn't even want to try anymore, he prefers m if he's even doing that anymore, who knows? He's had a long life in the bars getting really drunk and now its all catching up to him.

He knows no other kind of life, it was all in the bars with bar women and now for the past few years he's been with me and actually has a nice home but he doesn't know how to act around a woman who isn't constantly drinking and for awhile I was drinking as much as he was, but I'm not now so he doesn't know how to have a normal relationship.

That's why he thinks of only himself regarding this, that's why he keeps things to himself because he's done it for so long with women he didn't trust, and now he thinks I will just go along with anything because I love him. Can't you see how unfair this is to me? I don't deserve this. I have always been open and honest.

I think this is just a case of a drunk living with a decent woman. Or an alcoholic. Its affecting his body and perhaps even his mind and he's 65 and this could be it. No more fun for me!
 
Old 23rd September 2011, 04:34 AM   #111
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Raymond, I don't think I want to post anymore. We are just going around and around and nothing is really getting solved here. You say one thing about pressuring him and I have to defend myself and my actions and I'm tired of doing that. I realize you see things from a mans point of view but we both know this isn't fair to me.

When I am able, I will probably leave him and find someone else and have a normal relationship. Perhaps I won't find someone else but its never been a problem before. I don't think I trust men too much anymore, they always have some problem and more than once I've had to defend myself on here.

I've told you your suggestions would not work in our relationship and I ought to know. I resent you putting this all on me for getting frustrated one night after several nights of him lying to me and saying he had an o. There is no doubt in my mind that this is his fault. He changed our relationship and didn't even tell me why.

Is it sad? Yes. Do I want you to feel sorry for me? No. You should feel sorry for him because after I leave he will just go back to what he was doing before and that is hanging out in bars and maybe one night if he's lucky, a woman just might be drunk enough to sleep with him. Except that if he can't get an erection that won't be happening either.

Even when we split up for 8 months he never went with another woman because he loved me and didn't want anyone else. It will be the same but this time I won't be coming back. I post on here and tell you my feelings and yet when I see him tomorrow I will smile again and we will get along because I won't speak my mind and tell him how hard this is for me.

If he'd been honest or even concerned that I not think it was because of me, I might have stayed with him, sex or no sex, but because he deliberately treats me like this and thinks I'm so stupid I don't know what's going on, I will not stay with him and be treated like that.

I told him in the beginning I just wanted honesty and he has always kept things from me which is why at first I thought it was another woman but not many women can deal with such a man. The drunk ones can because they are drunk and don't care.

It was a mistake for me, being a christian, to hook up with a guy who spent most of his life drinking in bars. I never had a drinking problem before I met him and drank vodka. I never had a problem with men wanting to make love to me either.

But coming on here just forces me to talk about it and think about it while I hadn't thought about it really all day long. Especially when it seems as though you are blaming me for this. Getting impatient with him one night during sex is nothing.

What I should have done is pack my bags and get out when he stopped even trying to be with me. And what is the sleeping on the sofa all about? He thinks I buy his excuses about that anymore? He doesn't even bother to say anything and its like a slap in the face. Who does he think he's dealing with? I could go out tomorrow and find a man, I don't need to sit around here and wait for him to think i'm worthy enough to make love to.

I think his problems started long before he met me and will still be there long after i'm gone.
 
Old 23rd September 2011, 01:10 PM   #112
Raymond
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Baroness I can see by your response that you still don't grasp what I am saying and are taking things as an attack on you, but I am not going to labour it anymore.

You have a good relationship and that is important. Plus you are looking to God which is very wise.

I hope you find your answers.
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Old 24th September 2011, 04:32 PM   #113
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I grasped what you were saying a long time ago but you just don't understand that I can't do anything to change this. It isn't that I feel you are attacking me, its just that you keep saying the same thing to me and you don't understand him or how he thinks.

I'm not the one responsible here. I have decided to just remain here and see what happens since we do have a workable relationship. You shouldn't tell people that they have to fix their spouse because as a christian you know that everything is up to God and that he is the only one who can fix things.

One night of me being frustrated doesn't really matter in the scheme of things since this was going on long before and yes, he might be afraid he can't perform but I never asked for much from him in that area and never told him anything negative in all the times we've been together.

The problem is, and i've tried to stress this to you, is that he doesn't even try and seems satisfied with m. Lately i've been wrapped up in other things like trying to start an online business so I haven't given this much thought but I refuse to be responsible for this.

He knows this isn't right and so do you and yet you keep telling me to do something to fix it and I can't do anything. If I suggested what you said he would only resent it and I will not have resentment between us since things are on an easy going level right now.

He is a wonderful man in his own way and I am still trusting God in this. It is still frustrating sometimes but I must disagree with what you said regarding love and sex is only for showing the other person you love them and not for yourself. Untrue. The man or other person is not the most important thing.

The important thing is that you both get satisfaction and that is the way God intended it. He doesn't own me nor I him and each of our needs are just as important as the other. It is important how I feel and he is disregarding that or doesn't care.

But he shows he cares in other ways and when I say I don't feel released its because God hasn't taken away my feelings for him and I don't feel he wants me to leave at this time because he hasn't provided the way. God will take away feelings because he did it for my mother who was married to an alcoholic and cheating on her.

I consider my h cheating on me because I don't know for sure if he's watching women on tv when i'm not in the room and m. If he's m that is taking away from our sex life and that is cheating. Again, i've said this before. I do thank you for making the effort in all these postings but what you suggest doesn't work for us.

He has it made it having me here with him because I am a caregiver and I don't mind doing things for him because I love him. I also have it made because he's not demanding and supports me financially thru this hard time and in whatever I want to do. The only problem we have is not having sex and I hope that changes and I will get him stronger natural herbs to help this situation.

If none of this works and God can't get through to him then I will have to eventually leave. There is no need to worry about me if I do this because I have always been okay no matter what the circumstances. God looks out for me and always has and he can bring me someone who truly knows how to love a woman. I am not worried about this at all.

I will come back on here periodically to see if chosen or forever post because I would like to talk to them. Goodbye, Raymond and I hope you have a nice life and I hope God shows you that it would be better to tell people to trust in God rather than try to fix the problem themselves, that's where we all get in trouble; taking things out of Gods hands.
 
Old 27th September 2011, 12:49 PM   #114
Raymond
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

It's your marriage Baroness and you have to do what you need to do. Of course sex is for both partners I didn't mean to convey that it wasn't.

What I was trying to do was show you how some men's minds work on this subject. Unsuccessfully it seems.

God doesn't do it all you know. We have our part which God will bless as we look to Him.

Anyway I will just have to put this down to one of my failures.

God bless you.
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Old 28th September 2011, 12:51 AM   #115
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

No. it wasn't a failure, Raymond. You helped me see how a man thinks and I'm sorry I didn't acknowledge that earlier. I just can't do anything more than to show him love and it appears to be working. He slept with me again and everything is much better. I guess it just took him some time to feel comfortable. We are doing fine actually.

If it wasn't for everyone helping me on this thread I would have already gone but you all helped me see that when God puts two people together it is for a reason. I just get frustrated when I can't understand why this should be happening. I knew if I just left him alone for awhile he would feel more at ease and not feel any pressure at all.

I think we will be okay and I'm not thinking of us splitting up anymore. However; he is older and who knows what can happen but I can't leave him because he's getting older. True love is not like that and we've been together for a long time. Its been quite a battle for me and I know i've lashed out at times and I am sorry for that but I didn't think anyone understood how how hard this was for me.

I believe God is helping him and we are much more at ease with each other now, speaking our minds and holding nothing back. Its a tricky situation because a man has his pride and I didn't want to stomp all over it and that's why some of the suggestions I got from others would not have worked for us.

He seems to be doing so much better now and we're actually having fun together. Maybe I think too much but I just panicked. Another thing I had to come to terms with is that I can't have a perfect m. Things happen and its unrealistic to want us to be the way we were in the beginning. People get older and times get harder but we have managed to hang onto the love we have for each other.

I'd like to thank you for all your help because you were there in the very beginning and it helped to have your viewpoint. I listened to you even though I might not have wanted to hear some of the things you said. I had to come to terms with this and look at myself as well as him. I guess I was thinking I was this perfect wife and he had done this to us.

Yes, he made if difficult but i've known him for a long time and I should have realized how he would handle things but I feel the hard part is over for now and I just want us to be together and be stronger. He has started spending more time with God and that definitely helped. Sometimes things don't go at our pace, but if we let go then God can do his work.

You all have helped me very much and I would like to thank each and every one of you. I'm not saying that there won't be difficult days but my thinking process has changed somewhat and I know that I have to let go to let God move the way he wants. I do love my h and don't want to lose him and even if there comes a time where sex is not possible, I don't see how I can walk away from him.

I've just never had a problem like this before. He's even being more romantic of all things. He asked me to marry him again and while it doesn't make much sense to me, maybe it does to him. I count myself lucky that I do have him because he is a kind and decent man. I wish things could be the way they were, making love regularly, but I have to just take what he's willing to give.

I might have found someone else but this is the man I chose and my feelings or attraction to him hasn't changed. I've been very angry and frustrated over the past few months and now I am turning it over to God. I think God wanted me to be closer to him and if everything was perfect that wouldn't have happened.

God is concerned with our soul and our walk with him and I wasn't paying attention to God that much, but without a job and without a normal relationship I turned to God instead of going my own way which every instinct inside me told me to do. But when you walk with God he starts changing the way you think and I hope he continues to guide me in my life.

When I was young I only wanted to please God and then I got caught up in other things and forgot what is most important; my walk with God.
 
Old 28th September 2011, 01:20 PM   #116
Raymond
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

A wonderful post Baroness. You give yourself wonderful counsel in your own post. Long may it continue. Everything will come out of the good relationship you have. A three ply cord is not easily broken. Your relationship with God is crucial which you already know. Out of that will come the answers for your marriage.
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Old 1st October 2011, 03:49 AM   #117
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

God is starting to answer my prayers in other ways. He made it possible for me to find an old friend of mine I knew very well twenty years ago and we reconnected and she understands all about this problem my h is having and encourages me to be understanding because he sounds like a solid man.

And then I recieved word that a place we've been wanting to move to is now available. We've been on a list for over a year and its a nicer and bigger place and about $200 cheaper than the place we're in now. I wasn't expecting to hear about his place until next year sometime and it just opened up and will have a vacancy next month.

This will considerable release some of the strain on our finances and its a lovely home at that. Maybe then he will pay more attention to our relationship. There was a time when I wondered if i'd even want to move with him to this place or not. His interest in me seems sporadic at best but good things are happening to me personally.

Of course I can't share my excitement about this with him because he always looks on the negative side and said they probably raised the rent and I said if he didn't mind I would not latch onto something that he doesn't even know is a fact yet.

The price has not changed but he has the need to be negative when we should be happy. I know we haven't got it yet but must he always rain on my parade? My friend thinks he sounds like a good man and she knows me well and guessed what he looked like. I can talk to her about anything so this is a good thing that we found each other again.

She's married and has a husband with a liver disease and sex isn't a real big issue for them but she understands what I mean. She is also a christian so that helps. These are good things and God knew what I needed I guess. The house is all decorated for Halloween and looks spectacular. I like to go all out for the holidays.
 
Old 3rd October 2011, 10:23 AM   #118
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Baronness

That's good news baroness. You husband is a bit negative but don't let that stop you being positive. You will influence him in a positive way.

Great news about the house. I don't know about the Halloween though. I would keep clear of the spirit behind it.
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Old 3rd October 2011, 01:54 PM   #119
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

The Halloween decorations are all cheerful, not vampires or witches or scary things. I know all too well about the meaning of the day and what can go on. Just orange lights and cute scarecrows and beautiful flowers. My h brought me this beautiful purple colored flower arrangement yesterday and it was huge so I had to separate it into four individual vases of flowers and they are beautiful.

I asked him what the occasion was and he said Jesus. Maybe God has been dealing with him about things. I know we've been able to talk more than we have before. He's still sleeping most nights on the sofa though and I just decided to say nothing anymore and see how things go. I cannot limit the power of God in this matter.

We actually sat in the front room last night with my head on his shoulder and we were holding hands. Kind of a special moment and I took the initiative of moving close to him and laying my head on his shoulder with my arm entwined with his. Maybe he just needs me to show him affection first before showing it back.

Anyway, kind of excited about moving but it isn't for sure yet. I have prayed about it so we will see what happens. I can honestly say that I'm pretty happy. Some things still need to be worked out of course but I am staying pretty positive these days My h said if we wind up not getting the place then it wasn't God's will in the first place.

It appears he's getting closer to God because he brings HIM into our conversations a lot now.
 
Old 4th October 2011, 05:39 PM   #120
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

That sounds all good Baroness especially your husband opening up more, to you and to God. You must be influencing him for good. Keep up the good work.
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