I was going to quit posting here, as I seem to set off alarm bells with every post. But, I was posting for me, and I need the the support, so I am brazenly back. I need all of the support still available to me.
I welcome comments and good will. I can take tough love too, but bring it without supposition and projection, please. Remember the deliciously clear line between enabler and saboteur. I've enough unsubstantiated blame to last a lifetime.
Here's what's up with me:
1. My counselor challenged me to back away. I have just finished 72 hours without calling or texting M. I hope I can double it, but I can't believe I made it this far. Either way, I call victory. It seemed impossible just 72 hours ago.
2. I had a really, really, really bad day yesterday. I've gone into the planning stages. I emailed my counselor, but he has had a death in the family and cannot be accessible at the moment. .
3. M is supposed to come back from camping today. I hope he finds it in his heart to head the other direction and never return. What a blessing. Only thing better would be him being mauled by a bear.
4. I am pretty sure I am about to go buy a pack of cigarettes. I quit 7 years ago, but lapsed in Vegas last week. I had one today after 3 days of cravings. Seems like a pointless fight.
Love and love and love and no hate here,
J