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Old 14th December 2006, 07:51 PM   #1
troubled
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family courts

I have just come back from the courts.

I am trying to get access to my son (her mother stopped me seeing him for two months). I would like to say how appalled I am at the sexist way I was treated.

My viewpoints where dismissed or not listened to, whereas the mothers viewpoints and lies where accepted prima facie.
All I want is to be a good father and be allowed enough quality contact to allow me to bring my son up to the best of my ability. I have been given 6 hours of contact every 2 weeks, and have been told I need to be “reintroduced” to him after a 2month absence.

While we where together I honestly done the vast majority of the parenting. Why am I not able to now?

Until I encountered the blatant sexism in the courtroom, I thought groups like Families need Fathers and Fathers for Justice where basically cranks……..this has opened my eyes, and I am appalled.
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Old 14th December 2006, 09:08 PM   #2
Ginger God
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Re: family courts

Are we talking England or Scotland here?
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Old 14th December 2006, 09:20 PM   #3
Liz
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Posts: 662
Re: family courts

Hi Troubled


So sad to hear of what you have been through. Why not contact this organisation who may be able to advise you. it is run by a gentleman who has fought his way through a similar situation.

Liz
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Old 15th December 2006, 08:44 AM   #4
Alan
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Re: family courts

The courts, or more accurately, the 'system' is heavily weighted against dads who want/need access to their children.

In Scotland, the attitude is slightly more relaxed than south of the border, but nevertheless, it is an unfair and unjust process.

Times have changed since the first 'laws' on childcare were introduced. It's no longer acceptable, in my view, for sherrifs, judges or even solicitors, to assume that women or mothers, make better parents then men or dads. But they do. And far too often.

It's possible in our system for a woman to walk away from her family (including the children) for no other reason than she's had an affair (and broke legal marital vows) and be away for up to three years, yet have 90% chance of winning residence of the kids should she decide that the time is now right for her to resume 'family' life. Astonishing, but very true. However, reverese the roles, blokes will have no chance.

Fathers for Justice may be campaigning by taking things to the extreme and in many cases have overstepped the mark, but I can fully understand the frustrations that led to their actions.
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Old 20th December 2006, 04:21 AM   #5
disbelief
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Re: family courts

Hi Troubled,

I empathize with you.

I was told by two separate lawyers that because I was male, my best course was to capitulate, pay full child support and work out an amicable schedule to be with my daughter vs. fighting a probable losing battle for joint equality (50/50 residency and equally shared support costs). Fortunately, I'm with my daughter a lot - I'm given time just shy of the 40% "joint" threshold to ensure full support payments apply - but I can see how this can easily turn and it does frighten me from time to time. Yes, my ex was the one who had the affair and I will be paying heavily for it for the next 20 years.

My thoughts are with you. Years ago, not having "the vote" was discriminatory enough for one gender, but not having equal rights to children is considerably more disturbing. Cases of unfit parents, whether male or female, should be dealt with objectively - when will the "family" court system realize this????

I wish you the best of luck going forward,

Disbelief
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Old 20th December 2006, 08:15 AM   #6
helenrw200
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Re: family courts

Troubled

It really is ridiculous that in this so called enlightened age fathers are considered by the courts as being less nurturing than mothers.

Almost 40 years ago my dad had custody of me ( almost unheard of in those days ) as my mother had an affair and went off with her new man, he had always been the main care giver as she had little time for me, I was 5 at the time. God only knows what life with her would have been like, she was then, and remains now , a very selfish and self centered woman. My childhood was by no means happy, but this was not the fault of my dad.

Each case should be considered by the courts on it's own merit , sadly this still doesn't happen..

I feel sad for the many dads on here who don't have custody of their children and have had to leave marriages fthrough no fault of their own, it's time the whole system was over-hauled and each case looked at independantly in order to decide what is truely best for the children.

Helen
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Old 20th December 2006, 02:39 PM   #7
Alan
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Re: family courts

Quote:
Originally Posted by bellabrave View Post
In relation to this I must say that although I understand where your coming from it should also be acknowledged that Usually (not always but more often) it is the man who leaves and has affairs etc...stats show husbands much more unlikely to be unfaithful than wives...
Hmmmm. Generalisations, in law, should be avoided. The foundation which you refer to, is outdated and just simply not fair.

Yes, there are many, too many, dads who don't want contact with their children. These guys are in the majority in that respect, however, not everyone is like that and each case must be treated on its merits.

If, in the coming months, I were to lose my son, I would be devastated, and the possibility is very, very real.
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