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Old 9th August 2010, 11:19 PM   #1
arcos
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1 year and 2 months on..... And some advice needed

It has been a while since I have been here at this forum and I have missed a few of you guys and gals!!

I won't bother going into the history of my story as most probably already know it and those who don't can find it.

Anyway I need some help and advice!

Putting the whole sorry story and details to one side for a minute I need some advice on how to deal with children.

I had the boys this weekend, 5 and 3, and was told by the 5 year old a number of things that would and could only come from the ex. It seems that she now has an alternative way of using the children by telling lies to them, putting me down to them and generally being, in my mind, cruel to them psychologically, they are VERY young!

The 3 things are as follows…..

1) I will not let her return to her own country

2) I took all her money

3) if she were able to return to her own country then she would have the money to by the boys lots of toys

Oh, her country is my country also but the children were born in other countries not our country.

I have responded to the eldest child by saying the following…

1) She can return to her own country and I will even pay for her ticket to return.

2) Quite the contrary has occurred although I did not go into any details at all on this one.

3) JUST WHAT CAN I SAY TO THAT??

Suffice to say, the eldest was very 'hot topic' on these three things over the weekend and every time he bought the subjects up he became very frustrated, confused, angry at me.

The boys went back this evening and I am left upset, frustrated, confused myself because I simply do not know how to deal with this situation.

I have sent my ex an email detailing the above and asking her to stop feeding the children things that are not true and to stop trying to put them in a situation that is anti me.

I await a response from her on that.

But just how do I deal with the children, with the situation, with my ex when she is like this?

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 10th August 2010, 12:01 AM   #2
UpandDown
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Re: 1 year and 2 months on..... And some advice needed

Do you have a court order? My friend's husband was doing similar and it was written into the order that he's not allowed to.
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Old 10th August 2010, 12:46 PM   #3
arcos
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Re: 1 year and 2 months on..... And some advice needed

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Originally Posted by UpandDown View Post
Do you have a court order? My friend's husband was doing similar and it was written into the order that he's not allowed to.
x
Interesting....

Yes there is a preliminary court order and a whole host of other BS in court at the moment.

I will certainly speak with my lawyer when she gets back from holiday about it.

I am just waiting for a reply to my email yesterday to the ex to see if she has anything positive to say about it. I doubt it to be honest!

Oh well, just have to keep plugging along and try and keep things normal for the kids and hope that sense prevails.
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Old 10th August 2010, 12:58 PM   #4
Raymond
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Posts: 6,409
Re: 1 year and 2 months on..... And some advice needed

Hi Arcos.

This is very difficult with your wife feeding them lies. If you were not able to see them it would be more devastating as the lies could endure even through to adulthood.

As you are seeing them all you can do is state the truth as you are doing but don't go over the top with defence as this would be a lot of pressure on them. Try and put them first. Your kindness and fathers love will feed them something else. The older they get the more appreciation they will have of the truth and you. The younger they are the more they will feel your spirit rather than your words so keep doing what you are doing and long term the lies will be exposed without you having to have a big fight over it.

Raymond
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Old 11th August 2010, 01:38 AM   #5
arcos
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Re: 1 year and 2 months on..... And some advice needed

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Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
Hi Arcos.

This is very difficult with your wife feeding them lies. If you were not able to see them it would be more devastating as the lies could endure even through to adulthood.

As you are seeing them all you can do is state the truth as you are doing but don't go over the top with defence as this would be a lot of pressure on them. Try and put them first. Your kindness and fathers love will feed them something else. The older they get the more appreciation they will have of the truth and you. The younger they are the more they will feel your spirit rather than your words so keep doing what you are doing and long term the lies will be exposed without you having to have a big fight over it.

Raymond
Raymond,

As always your words of wisdom hit the mark!

BUT....

I am in the middle of an email to friends and family explaining WHY I am tired, WHY I have had enough, WHY I am finding it very hard to continue with this, with life.

This latest 'twist' is killing me. I cannot continue with this 'fight' that my ex insists upon at the expense of the children.

How can I do that??

That is just a cruel and unfair as she is doing with her lies?

I have done nothing but cry all day today. I have been so depressed about this change of 'tactics' by my ex and cannot see a way forward for them other than for me to drop out of this.

I hear what you are saying about being more devastating if I didn't see them but this current situation is really going to destroy a little mans life, maybe two!
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