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Old 12th September 2017, 03:34 AM   #1
adriw7878
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Is She Still Cheating?

My apologies if this seemed repeating. I am seeking opinions of those (men & women) who had undergone similar issue ....

1. Married for 25 yrs. with 2 grown up children.
2. I (Husband) was comatosed for 2 yrs and another 1 yr physiotherapy.
3. Wife high corporate position and financially free.
4. Me (financially free) and given all assets (house & new car) to wife.

Current situation:-

1. Wife steady in maintaining herself (looks and health). Goes to gym (6 am-7 am) before heading to office. (Mon-Fri). I am very grateful and praises her diligence.

2. While I was getting my senses back (during physiotherapy days), I noticed she only come back from office around midnight (Mon-Fri). When I kissed her (to greet her), tasted alcohol on her lips. She said she was counselling staff. I told her my unhappiness and asked her to resign. She said "No. I enjoy my work." Started to be back by 7pm.

3. I am getting better by the day and mobility is improving through more exercises. I can drive now. Mental alertness almost perfect now ... see my post here

4. Had a row with her recently. She thought I was asleep and was texting (11 pm). Then she left the room and went to the kitchen. I thought she went to get herself a drink and pretended to be asleep. After 30 mins, I decided to see what was she up to? She was on the phone with a guy (I suspect) as she was giggling and giving ideas to the other person on how to 'punish' office mates. I was standing outside kitchen window and could hear her clearly .... certainly a guy on the other line (ended with plans for lunch the next day. No "I love you." there.) She switched off lights in kitchen and came out ... didn't noticed me by the window.
I asked her who was she talking to at this hour. She said "Samantha." - an ex colleague (6 months) who is now a property agent. (Samantha is just another lady sitting in the next cubicle who never met me and my wife haven't gone dinner with - to show just another ex colleague). I asked her to show me her phone log, she said "My private matter." stormed off to restroom and deleted her phone log and messages. She kept her mobile very private and never leave it alone in the house ... always holding it and to the bathroom when she goes for her showers.

5. I told her I would forgive and forget if she was having an affair during my 2 yrs of comatosed but not now. I asked if she wanted a divorce. She said "No. I will not leave you. Transfer all your cash to me for safe keeping." I said "No. Will divorce her if she is having an affair."

6. What upset me and caused me to write in for advice was I saw her taking her mobile out from under her pillow this morning. She used to keep her mobile on the shelf next to her side of bed. I didn't see the mobile there for pass few nights and thought she was charging her mobile somewhere. O dear ... am I imagining the worst?

Thanks.

P/S Going for couple counselling next week.

Last edited by adriw7878; 12th September 2017 at 03:39 AM.
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Old 13th September 2017, 10:30 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

Anyone who is that secretive about their phone is hiding something. If she is hiding it then its clearly a wrong relationship. Sorry. Is there any way that you can find out more?
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Old 14th September 2017, 10:18 AM   #3
triciamint
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

I agree with chosen. Something's always off when a person is secretive about his or her phone. Had a friend whose partner would even go to the bathroom with his phone with him. It's not a good sign.
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Old 17th September 2017, 09:03 AM   #4
adriw7878
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

Hahaha. She got a 6th sense with her phone. 2 nights ago she was charging her phone by the window and after a long day fell asleep (snoring .... loudly). I woke up to go to the bathroom and noticed her phone being charged, I took it out to the living room to see what she kept in her phone.

Alas, she code-locked her phone and in a minute I heard her coming out of the room (1 am). I quickly put her phone underneath a magazine and pretended to check messages in my phone. She asked me "Where's my phone?". I said "I thought it's with you.". She asked me to call her mobile, and it rang. She took it from under the magazine and happy it was still locked (smiling). Told me "Don't touch my phone."

Since she coming back at 7 pm recently, phone chat must be limited. She kept making excuses to go somewhere (grocery, pharmacy and even public toilets). Caught her a few times where she was unusually long at mall toilet, she started coming back from another floor. Saying "Many people inside ... have to use other toilet." She is full of s**t .... I waited 20 minutes and only saw 3 ladies using toilet.

Engaging PI next week.
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Old 17th September 2017, 12:48 PM   #5
chosen
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by adriw7878 View Post
Hahaha. She got a 6th sense with her phone. 2 nights ago she was charging her phone by the window and after a long day fell asleep (snoring .... loudly). I woke up to go to the bathroom and noticed her phone being charged, I took it out to the living room to see what she kept in her phone.

Alas, she code-locked her phone and in a minute I heard her coming out of the room (1 am). I quickly put her phone underneath a magazine and pretended to check messages in my phone. She asked me "Where's my phone?". I said "I thought it's with you.". She asked me to call her mobile, and it rang. She took it from under the magazine and happy it was still locked (smiling). Told me "Don't touch my phone."

Since she coming back at 7 pm recently, phone chat must be limited. She kept making excuses to go somewhere (grocery, pharmacy and even public toilets). Caught her a few times where she was unusually long at mall toilet, she started coming back from another floor. Saying "Many people inside ... have to use other toilet." She is full of s**t .... I waited 20 minutes and only saw 3 ladies using toilet.

Engaging PI next week.
Good idea, you need to know what is going on.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 05:59 PM   #6
adriw7878
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

It must be a BIG YES. Just had family (20 pax) dinner at hotel restaurant, she made 3 trips into washroom with her mobile. I asked if she's ok ? She said got a slight stomach upset.
When she wanted to make 4th trip to washroom, I said "Better leave your phone here and have a proper visit to washroom." She suddenly looked cross, put her mobile inside her bag and upset stomach cured ! No need to visit bathroom anymore. Full of s**t !!!
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Old 25th September 2017, 06:43 AM   #7
adriw7878
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

She caught me and tried lovey dovey with me. I am not buying it yet....

She saw an official mail addressed to me. She tore it open and saw record of my last will - all cash to children and she got a fat ZERO. Asked what's this? I told her "Ask your phone lover. Please delete me from your will too - better will all to children." She started to caress me and said "Let's make love." I told her "Better sleep well. You gottta work tomorrow and I got a few more matter to settle."
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Old 25th September 2017, 10:51 AM   #8
Raymond
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

Well done. I think you are doing the right thing. It seems obvious she is not playing fair.
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Old 26th September 2017, 03:35 AM   #9
adriw7878
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

I wanted this to end ....recently (2nd time already) I asked her if she wanted a divorce? She said "No." but still behaving very suspiciously with her phone (changed code-lock too).

Now, she noticed I am more mobile and always checking on my whereabouts .... don't want me to spot her outside. Last night she didn't got back until 9.30pm. Didn't see me at home. Asked me where I was, with who and where I had my dinner? Hmmm .... I was surprised? I told her "I went to your office to pick you up for dinner but you were not there." She said "I was at a seminar (across town)". She seemed edgy I am more mobile and can spot her. She said "Don't leave the house in the evening. You are not well yet."

I am prepared to give our marriage another try by going for couple counselling but she refuse to attend session ..... saying "I have no issue." Looks like she is giving me no choice but to catch her red-handed and then divorce her.

P/S She just called me from a seminar she was attending. Asked me "Where are you?". I told her "At home." I was surprised, she asked "Are you sure?" (checking on me ??) I told her "Haven't set up plans yet." Hehehe

Last edited by adriw7878; 26th September 2017 at 03:41 AM.
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Old 28th September 2017, 03:11 PM   #10
Raymond
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

If the marriage is to survive there obviously needs to be more honesty. I think it is reasonable for spouses to put the other's mind at rest if they suspect that something is going on. If you are not happy I would suggest you tell her that and that you need to know things are clear. If she is honest she will go out of her way to show you nothing is going on, even letting you see her phone and not keep hiding it.

On the other hand if you want proof of her unfaithfulness ie that the trust thing is not going to work I, then I would suggest you drop the subject and give her more rope. Eventually she will slip up if she believes she is safe and you don't suspect. This may take time. You would need to make her feel safe and you do not suspect anything but at the same time keeping your antenna up. Only you will know what is the best route to go.
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Old 8th October 2017, 08:01 PM   #11
adriw7878
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

Past week I was trying to put the past behind and start anew with her. Going dinner with her and rubbing her shoulders when she said she had a tiring day in the office.

This evening we had a lovely chat in bed. I was rubbing her hips as she said she over did her gym workouts. She said "What a lovely relationship we have?". I replied lovingly "Better if we can be open with each other." She asked "What do you mean?". I said "All your secretive whatsapp and with which special friend?". Her tone changed and she turned to other side of bed "That's my private matter and I don't need to show you.". I replied "You said so.". I then walk out of the room. My next stage ... "PI".
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Old 10th October 2017, 02:43 PM   #12
Raymond
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

Nothing will be settled until she comes clean. How can it be her private matter when you know that others are involved? Marriage doesn't work like that. I think you have made it plain to her. Really it's her choice. Please don't sign anything over to her when it is not clear what is going on. You don't want her motivation to be financial.
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Old 13th October 2017, 03:43 AM   #13
triciamint
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

She's acting suspicious. What I don't understand is why she doesn't want a divorce. How did couple counseling go? A friend of mine went to couple counseling and also contacted a soul love mentor at Ecstatic Intimacy. They're working things out. His wife cheated on him and he was devastated. I and the rest of his friends advised him to just divorce her but he didn't want to. Hopefully you and your wife will get that closeness back. If not, you're better off without her. Good luck and God bless!
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Old 13th October 2017, 06:38 PM   #14
Raymond
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

Maybe she doesn't want a divorce because she wants the cash. She has told Adriw to transfer all his cash to her for safekeeping. (see point 5 on first post). That would be fatal in this situation. She is obviously not playing open. Too many signs. One hopes that she will be more open and honest but I don't see any sign of it and how long do you wait?
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Old 13th October 2017, 09:32 PM   #15
adriw7878
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Re: Is She Still Cheating?

I will wait until I get evidence of her 'other' activities. In public (in presence of friends) she kept acting her loving spouse charade .... hugging, caring for me. Once home, a changed animal appeared .... kept phone with her wherever she goes and hardly talk to me. She just go off to room and sleep. Not even wishing me 'good night'.

I am acting cool and pretend not to noticed her changed behaviour at home. I want to catch her red handed and divorce her. I suspect she may have taken a life insurance on me and was disappointed when I got better. Kept encouraging me to travel oversea ... ON MY OWN?????

The reason I do not want to divorce her out-right was the over 20 years we have been happily married. Waiting for her wrong move.
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