Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 6th June 2010, 10:58 AM   #1
JWD
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,178
Getting past your past

Great site here

http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/

I've bought her book and it's great. I think I have been guilty of pretending I was 'over it' and I am in a way but I have definitely pushed away some of the more unpleasant memories.

For example pretending to myself he was dead as a way of dealing with it lol - I honestly think I'd die of fright if Iseen him out and about -that can't be very healthy.

I also have this ridiculous fear of bumping into him and his friends and anyone remotely connected.

So, I'm going to face it all again, really properly face it and see what happens.
__________________
“One day you’re going to wake up and realize how much you care about her and how amazing she really is… and when that day comes she’ll be waking up next to the man who already knew”
JWD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th June 2010, 11:40 AM   #2
georgie
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Re: Getting past your past

out of the shadows - he's not that scarey, he's just a sillly little person that never deserved someone as wonderful as you xxx
Life of love and happiness in waiting when ur ready x
georgie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th June 2010, 12:11 PM   #3
JWD
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,178
Re: Getting past your past

You're so fab G xxxx
I drive myself insane sometimes. I kinda skim over it- like its there, but not too deep. I try and justify it by saying "is it really such a big deal", isn't he right or even brave to go after what he wants (I know that's ridiculous). I think I do it because I so want to be ok with the whole thing. To be able to think that it just didn't matter.

I think I've taken my cue from him, and that because he was so detached and horrid and lacked any compassion or emotion at all, I felt that I shouldn't either. I still hold my breath in terror when someone mentions his name, like they are about to tell me something about him and I just don't want to know.

I understand why people go creeping at the other person on fb etc and why they get so obsessed but I've never done that because I just can't face knowing. I'm sure by now I would be ok with it, but I don't do it just in case I'm not and it messes me up even more.

I know I've come very far, and I know I'm worth more and far better off without him, but I still find it so sad that my marriage ended. And I seem to think they is some sort of manual to get through it, like I should be reading step for step and constantly looking to see what stage I'm at.

I long for the day I can honestly say that I forgive, but I don't even know what I'm supposed to be forgiving? I mean i don't have kids, there is no need for us to stay in touch - i don't even want to, so why can't I just move on properly and not feel so desperately sad when I think of a future we could have had.

Another thing is that almost everything I read, they say when you see the signs. I didn't. We were best friends at least in my opinion. So what did I miss? and if i can never get to the point when I think oh that's right, this wasn't right or I didn't like this about him will I ever be ok again? with the split I mean?
I mean must you see the areas or the signs? Is it possible that I missed them all and what the hell were they lol.

Ahhh, I say all this, but deep down I know that I'm actually a far better person for it. Sometimes I just wish that it had been someone else that I discovered this new me with - so I could then go on and marry him hahahah. The old him lol.

I do this every so often. All over, I'm good with it, but just sometimes that awful feeling comes back and I feel like its happening all over again. and then I stop myself from going there again.

I meet such lovely men, but this stupid fear comes over me and its not even that I'm scared they will hurt me. I'm actually terrified that I will hurt them - ands I do. Because I'm all receptive, have lovely dates with them, then I notice them getting a bit attached and I run a mile. and then spend weeks hating myself for hurting them.

I think I'm quite insane, and I'm ok with being a tad insane, I just never, ever want to hurt someone. Not even him.

See now I've totally talked myself out of it...and I'm good again.

And ready to help everyone else out lol. Why am I so good at telling people why they feel like they do, and that its perfectly ok to feel like that and yet with me I give myself such a hard time?

Anyway, I think I quite like being on my own for a bit. I no longer feel that I must be part of a couple and that anyone will do so thats a major positive. I do quite like myself, and I know I won't have a problem meeting plenty of people so I'm not scared about that.

Maybe thats an issue hahah. Maybe I just can't understand why he would do this to me

Phew I'm collecting issues like other people make bucket lists

Love and light and all that jazz lovely people.

xxx
__________________
“One day you’re going to wake up and realize how much you care about her and how amazing she really is… and when that day comes she’ll be waking up next to the man who already knew”
JWD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th June 2010, 12:53 PM   #4
TheSteve
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Getting past your past

Just posted this in another thread but I think it's quite apt here in a "moving on" sense...

It’s a sad fact there are people in this world who are just out for themselves and pure bad luck if you chose one of these people to set up home with. They can put up a very convincing front when they want something. Life is too short and difficult as it is. You really don’t need these people around.
  Reply With Quote
Old 7th June 2010, 10:09 AM   #5
georgie
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Re: Getting past your past

very eloquently put !
georgie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th June 2010, 08:07 PM   #6
RayCub
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Getting past your past

Quote:
Originally Posted by JWD View Post
I meet such lovely men, but this stupid fear comes over me and its not even that I'm scared they will hurt me. I'm actually terrified that I will hurt them - ands I do. Because I'm all receptive, have lovely dates with them, then I notice them getting a bit attached and I run a mile. and then spend weeks hating myself for hurting them.
So, I've now caught up to you in this department...run, run, runnnnnnnnn...that's all I can think to do now. For the exact same reason.


Quote:
Originally Posted by JWD View Post
Why am I so good at telling people why they feel like they do, and that its perfectly ok to feel like that and yet with me I give myself such a hard time?
Cause that's MY job! Haven't you noticed yet that when one of us (you, me, G, Nic) takes a step back, the other is there to catch you?? It's like we're all taking turns!

Quote:
Originally Posted by JWD View Post
Anyway, I think I quite like being on my own for a bit. I no longer feel that I must be part of a couple and that anyone will do so thats a major positive. I do quite like myself, and I know I won't have a problem meeting plenty of people so I'm not scared about that.
You SHOULD like yourself!! You are the most FAB person I know!! My better-half!! lol. And I think it's amazing that we've reached the point that we enjoy being on our own now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JWD View Post
Maybe thats an issue hahah. Maybe I just can't understand why he would do this to me.
Because he's a **** (our favourite four letter word here)!!! Plain and simple...

Love you so so much!!!!

You ROCK!!!!!! lol
xoxox
  Reply With Quote
Old 8th June 2010, 03:07 AM   #7
RayCub
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Getting past your past

J...it's UGANDA!!! ahahahahaha
  Reply With Quote
Old 8th June 2010, 10:48 PM   #8
JWD
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,178
Re: Getting past your past

hahahhahahahah That's right! Cool - we're off hahahhahahaha

Aww thanks guys for the lovely posts. I'm seeing counsellor again tomorrow. Feel better already

xxx
__________________
“One day you’re going to wake up and realize how much you care about her and how amazing she really is… and when that day comes she’ll be waking up next to the man who already knew”
JWD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th June 2010, 10:55 PM   #9
Wedgewood
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 476
Re: Getting past your past

Good luck for tomorrow hun. Just go in and be completely honest. The more you give to your counsellor the less you have to carry.

Remember, there is no shame in counselling or asking for help. We all need a bit of help from time to time and it is great that you have recognised this fact. True friends will sympathise with you and encourage you on the road to recovery. Some get there quicker than others, because we are all unique. You WILL get there and tomorrow is a big step in the right direction.


Love you loads,

Mark
Wedgewood is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:10 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright ©1999-2024 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer