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Old 7th June 2011, 06:13 PM   #196
Forever
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I think it is odd that they are sleeping in seperate rooms. If all is well between them in this relationship apart from the sexual issue, then why compound the problem by sleeping in different rooms?

It seems like he feels he can only sleep with her if he is confident that he can "rise" to the occassion...so what does sleeping apart do to the level of intimacy and affection (outside of having actual sex) if they dont even share the marital bed anymore?
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Old 7th June 2011, 07:37 PM   #197
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Forever..

Might the sleeping apart also be part of "withholding" or punishing a wife he may feel is too much in control? A power woman and a man who no longer has the place in business he used to have might be pouting and being withdrawn to "punish" that woman who admits she thinks he is less intelligent. Is he picking up her evaluation of him?

Relationships are so complex and human beings sometimes get lost in misunderstandings. I hope these people can reconnect and discuss what is happening for both.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 7th June 2011 at 09:42 PM.
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Old 10th June 2011, 12:36 AM   #198
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Okay, first of all there is no way that I have intimated that I am more intelligent that him. When he says he's stupid sometimes I am very quick to tell him not to say that, that he is not stupid and that I am very proud of him for all that he does. Compliments are not lacking on my side and I mean them. He does not look at other women, not when he's driving and not when we're out like we were lastnight.

He finally took me out and we saw old friends and had a good time I dressed sexy for the occasion and i'm not sure he even noticed. We got along great and laughed a lot and I asked him if he was feeling okay and he thought I meant him working so hard up at the canyon and he flexed his muscles for me and I said that isn't what I meant, I meant are you feeling okay in the rest of your body? He looked confused for a minute and said yes. I did everything except ask him why a certain part of his body doesn't seem to work anymore. He kissed me several times and told me how much he loved me.

He's paid alot of attention to me for the past few nights and I haven't been in here on the computer but right there beside him and we've talked and laughed but when its time to go to bed that's another story. One night in particular while we were listening to music I said i'm just going to sit here and see what excuse you will use tonight for not sleeping with me and he said he'd go into the bedroom right now. He did in a little while but when I went in there he had his back turned and was sleeping in the middle of the bed so I had to go on the sofa.

The next morning he came in there and leaned over me and kissed me and said I wasn't where I was supposed to be, I was supposed to be in bed but I told him there was no room and he was sound asleep. Then he told me to be ready when he got back because we were going out. We've had many good moments this week alone and he even danced with me when we were listening to music but it gets really late and so I go to bed.

But even when he goes into our bed he falls asleep right away. Another thing I want to point out is that I am not what you call a powerful woman. I write novels and i'm home because I can't get a job and also my back hurts and i'm going to the doctor this monday, but it isn't that i'm domineering at all and I don't call the shots here, I dont feel the need to do that. I let him do whatever he wants because I just want him to be happy and I tell him that.

He doesn't flirt with other women and assures me that i'm the only woman he's ever wanted but I looked very nice last night and he never said anything about how I looked. All of our friends did however, and some of the men actually hit on me that are supposed to be his friends. I just smile indulgently at them and tell them I love gabby. I give him no reason for jealousy and visa versa.

The sleeping apart started long ago when I was going through menopause and not sleeping the night through and would go on the sofa. He said he didn't want me to go out there because he knew I didn't sleep well and also because of his snoring, I would also go out there so he would tell me he would sleep out there because of his snoring and it seemed okay to me because I slept better by myself anyway, but I came to count on him sleeping with me occasionally and we would make love.

He used to tell me that he loved to make love to me and he likes my body and that he was lucky. For the past few months whenever he has gone to bed with me he just falls asleep or he'll hold me and talk to me but he won't touch me and I know the reason is that he can't maintain an erection after awhile. The last time he kind of snapped at me because I wasn't stroking him the way he wanted and so I did and he seemed a little impatient and I think that's because he doesn't it himself and wants me to do it like that and so I did.

Also, if he sleeps out there he can do this whenever he wants but I don't know for sure he is but i'm thinking that he is and it makes me angry when i'm right here ready to give him pleasure and I can't understand how he can't miss it. He brings it to my attention that he's in good shape for his age and he is, he's got great muscles for a man of 65 and to me he's beautiful but its frustrating that I can't be with him like I want.

However; I never let him see the frustration and I don't complain about not having sex, I will just say that he passed out on me again and he used to apologize. When I got mad about it one night about 6 months ago he came to me and apologized, trying to make me feel assured that he still wanted me. A couple of nights ago he said if I wanted someone else who was more romantic or smart then I should find them and he's said this to me before so I said you keep saying that and one of these days I just might do that. If you don't want me then just say so and he was quick to say he did want me.

I think he feels bad about us not having sex anymore and he's told me upon occasion that I could find someone better than him and he can't believe I am still with him and I always tell him he's the best man i've ever known and I don't want anyone else and that he's treated me more decent than any man and its true. He is usually a very happy man. He likes going up to the canyon and is trying to convince me and himself that he's in great shape and I think that's the reason he can't talk about what is happening with his body.

He won't go to a counselor because he would have to admit it and he would rather die than admit that and I understand this, it must be very hard for a man to go through that. I don't care if he wants to sleep on the sofa because it works for us, but I just want him to make an attempt every once in awhile to be with me. We've gone out like we did last night before and we always come home and go to bed early but that did not happen. I have to learn to live with this but I can't see myself not having sex for the rest of my life.

The past few days have been the perfect opportunity for us. I put on sexy nighties which he always liked and I get nothing, literally. I have a sensual nature and so that is why this is a problem. My friends could like like this and be perfectly happy but I know I will never be happy with it and I will finally just have to ask him what the problem is even though I know, or pretty sure I know. He is a wonderful man, very considerate, not too romantic but he does do romantic things once in awhile and thinks he's lucky.

I can't be mad at him because of this and yet I do get mad when I think about it but he doesn't see that. I don't think its fair for me to be upset with him when this is just something that is happening. However; I think he should have been honest with me so I didn't go through all the head trips I have. And you are right, I do feel like a prisoner or a hostage. I can't leave because I love him and I can't stay with things like this, but I am staying no matter how it hurts me and I try to make the best of it. The downside of that is that he thinks i'm dealing with it and its fine which is why I bring it up every once in awhile.

We have a lovely home which we've decorated and we get along. I understand him and he thinks he understands me, but he doesn't know i've had thoughts like this. If I told him that would not help. My job is to make him happy and to have his back and to encourage him and not put pressure on him at all and I don't. He's stubborn and i'm still thinking about getting those herbs that will help. I guess you could say i'm happy and miserable at the same time.

Last edited by Baroness; 10th June 2011 at 12:37 AM. Reason: wanted to attack a picture of myself.
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Old 10th June 2011, 01:57 AM   #199
Forever
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Quite frankly, I think you are very fortunate to have a husband like him....because he does not lust for other women. You cannot prove or assume that he masterbates at this point, so assigning that to him is unfair. I also think that if you do not stop dwelling on the lack of sex, you might "think" yourself right out of an otherwise great marriage. If you did that, you might find someone who wants to have sex with you, but in exchange for what other kinds of problems???

I have "sex" with my husband about once every ten days or so. He gets "primed" for being with me by looking at other women half my age because he has a fixation on youth and the "hard bodies" that they have. Also, he loves the variety...he finds something sexy to dwell on with every attractive women...he automatically looks for them where ever he goes and has to go to great pains to hide it from me if I am around. I recently caught him scrolling the internet for images that are not considered "hard" porn, but "soft" porn....scantily clad beauties in provocative positions and such.

At this point I would actually prefer if he just go ahead and masterbate rather than make "use" of my body to fullfill his lust for others...and I told him that recently. So, putting that aside, we have a great relationship. I never approach him for sex because I am sure to be turned down...I cannot predict when his libido is sufficiently aroused by others to result in anything for me. So I am quickly coming to the conclusion that if I want to keep the "marriage", I will just forgo the sexual hopes and expectations part of it. I am 56 years old and considered very attractive by any other man's standards for my age. I am no longer attracted to him in any sexual way because he patronizes me as a woman by feigning sexual interest in me that comes from his mental and emotional "excitation" of other women (his words).

If I allow my ego to get the best of me, I would probably throw away the relationship at this point. So instead, I told him that I no longer want ANY sex from him but that I will do a service for him. I am simply not interested in pretending that his sexual desires could be aroused by me anymore...that is, they have nothing to do with me at all. He gets a BJ when he needs one (sorry for graphics), I want absolutely nothing in return. We will see how long our relationship lasts under those circumstances, but at least he is getting his relief, and now I am getting mine in a different way...not feeling ashamed and humiliated.

What the Lord is going to do about all this, I have no clue...He told me to "forbear".

Last edited by Forever; 10th June 2011 at 03:44 AM.
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Old 10th June 2011, 08:42 AM   #200
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Forever that is such a sad state of affairs. If he made the effort and prayed and realised how sinful what he is doing is(he is constantly committing adultery of the heart), then things could really change.
I can totally understand why you no longer want to have sex with him. If I knew that my husband would only be able to have sex with me by looking at, thinking about and lusting after other women, then I just could not and would not do it either. Its just as if he is actually having sex with them because they are probably in his mind while having sex with you and that is SOOO bad.
I hear you when you say that otherwise you have a good marriage, but for me that would be too much to accept, and I doubt that I would stay with a man who treated me like that and wasnt prepared to do anything about it.Especially a man who claims to be a Christian.
My Father was a womaniser, and had porn in the house(would probaboly be called soft porn these days ie playboy mags etc)and liked to lust after other women, and this drove my mother to suicide after he did actually have a long affair. One reason why I would not and could not put up with it.

I wish that my pastor could talk to him about this, he would be left in no uncertain terms what he needs to do, and he wouldnt like it. The thing is that he is feeding it all the time and while he does this the fire will never go out.If he could recognise the terrible sin that he is committing then he hopefully would do something about it. However he has you, and he has his fantasies, so why does he need to change????

I agree with you that for a man or women to not be interested in sex at all is one thing, but for them to be lusting after sex with women young enough to their daughter (or even granddaughter)is quite another.
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Old 10th June 2011, 12:59 PM   #201
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I think the same way as you Chosen but we are not Forever (I'm certainly not) who believes she should persevere and not break up her marriage. Personally I think time away from everything, say a month at a retreat, would really highlight the problem for him. At the moment, as you say, he keeps feeding the problem and cannot see the wood for the trees.

At least you do not have this problem Baroness so you have something to be grateful for. The sexual drive is a good thing in it's right place in marriage. Muddy the waters from outside and it will be a place of confusion.

When all is said and done the problem seems to be ED which I think can be sorted to a certain extent. I think a blockage has occurred perhaps through the pressure of your expectations and he believing he is unable to meet them. Maybe cultivating a more relaxed attitude to sex to start with and being willing to vary what you do a little so he can take part without pressure might help. Just a thought. It might take the fear and embarrassment away.

Of course talking always helps and him knowing that his ED is not such a big thing to you might enable him to talk and release him from his fears. Your encouragement and acceptance can do a lot of good and lead to a solution here.
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Old 10th June 2011, 03:41 PM   #202
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

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Originally Posted by Baroness View Post

He won't go to a counselor because he would have to admit it and he would rather die than admit that and I understand this, it must be very hard for a man to go through that. I don't care if he wants to sleep on the sofa because it works for us, but I just want him to make an attempt every once in awhile to be with me.

I can't be mad at him because of this and yet I do get mad when I think about it but he doesn't see that. I don't think its fair for me to be upset with him when this is just something that is happening. However; I think he should have been honest with me so I didn't go through all the head trips I have. And you are right, I do feel like a prisoner or a hostage. I can't leave because I love him and I can't stay with things like this, but I am staying no matter how it hurts me and I try to make the best of it. The downside of that is that he thinks i'm dealing with it and its fine which is why I bring it up every once in awhile.
Hi Baroness

Well, you would have to have a calm and quiet "talk" with him if your previous message didn't get through to him. (Best not to let your anger take over the "talk"..x) Are you sure he does not use one of those state run brothels or something alike? This question is not meant to be derogatory but it's just a question as there are establishments catering "happily married" men either here in UK or in the US and they do say, they are "raking in" a big time with a constant stream of "clients" through their doors, they say (!).

Remembering what you said before that your h was very "active" prior to this rather sudden change that had started, it's hard to completely deny the possibility of alternative sexual "outlet" for him? He sounds pretty "tired" as well as if his needs are met already? (I didn't think he's working right now? so it's hard to tell what's making him so tired? Could it be a sign of natural slow-down or some health issue?)

You probably need to have this talk very calmly as you seem to be allowing him to give him the permission not to discuss this problem more openly. He might get "mad" as an immediate reaction but men usually know who is in the wrong so long as things are said politely and points made would stay within reason. I personally do not think this would be considered as giving him a pressure but it is a legitimate concern expressed by his worried W that there might be some issues behind this e.g. possibility of his needs met else where, issues in his health etc. These are entirely legit subjects to talk in marriage.

If he loves you, he needs to learn to accept your concern. Loving someone is not just about passive appreciation but it's also about accepting/listening to your concern and take that on board. He is acting rather childish refusing to go to a therapist. Committed husbands will do their best to save the important part in his marriage.

Good luck xxx
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Old 10th June 2011, 07:51 PM   #203
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

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Originally Posted by Forever View Post

Also, he loves the variety...he finds something sexy to dwell on with every attractive women...he automatically looks for them where ever he goes and has to go to great pains to hide it from me if I am around. I recently caught him scrolling the internet for images that are not considered "hard" porn, but "soft" porn....scantily clad beauties in provocative positions and such.

I am simply not interested in pretending that his sexual desires could be aroused by me anymore...that is, they have nothing to do with me at all.
What the Lord is going to do about all this, I have no clue...He told me to "forbear".
Hi Forever

Men are visual, that way, I think. (I seem to have read somewhere about men with varied mental pictures etc) At least, it's good that he's not looking at hard core porn anymore. So, maybe, he's working on not looking at soft one right now? Forever, do you put him on a pedestal? Sometimes, it sounds like as if he's enjoying acting like some sort of unattainable Godly presence? If he is in fact, such a "slob" in his marital bedroom department then he would have to work hard at it. Surely, it would be all amenable to God who supports good marriage. xxx
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Old 10th June 2011, 10:25 PM   #204
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Chamomile,

I do not put him on a pedestal, but I certainly do enjoy the relationship otherwise....maybe having been married twice before has net me more patience and tolerance and the stomach to see this to the end.

His visual desire for stimulation outside the marriage is what brought me to this place. I do not believe as a Christian married man that he will be excused for that just because he is male. He does not deeply examine himself or give much thought to this because his eyes are busy being turned "outward" (in an ungodly way) rather than inward or at himself. He does not know what it is like to "make love"...sex is just about getting aroused by whatever means possible and then getting relieved by his wife. His words are: "Sex is sex, and love is love" and I guess that means that the one has nothing to do with the other in his economy. I do not imagine that will ever change unless God intervenes.

He was like this with his ex wife also (although he did cheat physically), so it is an internal thing having nothing to do with the "quality" of our relationship per se (outside of the sex act/drive problem). No, he is not working on avoiding anything (other than "hard" porn)...as I have just found he was scrolling the internet looking for hot women about five days ago.

As I mentioned earlier, he does not win the war with lust because he enjoys the battle's far too much. This is what the Lord told me when I saw the most recent website browsing he was doing. God did not mean for us to be in a perpetual life long battle over the same sin over and over. He provided us His victory if we resist the devil and decide by our will and the Spirit to avail ourselves of that victory. Trouble is, my husband thinks that if he just more clever at concealing everything from me, that means he is successful at loving me. I think that perspective is rather insidious given the effects it has on us both.

And if that were true, why am I so ashamed, and why does God want me to "Forbear"???

But I am hijacking this thread...my point to Baroness was that perhaps she should not focus so heavily on her husband's "problem"... he is not being "immoral" by having this sort of infirmity, and we dont always get everything we want in life... my concern for both of them is that if she is not careful, she will jump from the frying pan straight into the fire, and regret it more than the loss of the sexual expressions she is missing out on. The devil would just love that...to destroy something good because of our sad dissapointments. Sometimes we have to know when to stand down and rely entirely on the Lord....if He does nothing, we have to accept it graciously....and "graciously" means more than we understand it to mean. Baroness is constantly vacillating between trusting God and being hurt as a sexual creature. I am slowly coming to that conclusion but it is difficult....sort of like dying to my own desires to accomodate the end results of his problem.

I take the liberty to speak this way because we share the Christian faith and I am hoping Baroness will recognise that.

Last edited by Forever; 11th June 2011 at 12:11 AM.
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Old 11th June 2011, 04:46 AM   #205
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Of course I am going from trusting God and being hurt. I'm only human. Just because I trust God doesn't mean someone can't hurt me. And no, he wouldn't dream of going to any kind of brothel. He never has and he wouldn't do that to me. Besides, his problem is physical and it didn't happen suddenly. It's been happening over the past 4 years, its just worse now but I am not in danger of cheating on him. I thought about it and decided that as a christian that would be the worst thing I could do. Listening to Forever, however, I am beginning to feel a little fortunate. I'm so sorry you have to live like that and I would not do it for a minute.

I already have thought about finding someone else and putting up with his problems, you never know, and while I might have a great time, I would always be wondering if he was being faithful. A christian husband is supposed to have ethics and cheating is not one of them. I trust Gabby to be faithful and he's told me that he has been since the day we met and I believe him. He seems to have a close relationship with God and while it isn't like mine, it is what it is and it has changed him.

Anyway, he's been paying a lot of attention to me lately and I know he worries about me cheating on him because we don't have sex like we used to but I have given him no reason to worry about that but it is logical that he would. I have decided just to deal with this. We love each other and get along pretty well and trust one another and I remember what someone said to me in one of these threads and that was if he was in a wheelchair, would I leave him because I wouldn't be getting sex? The answer is no and it kind of hit me when I read it.

Of course I wouldn't and so I have decided to deal with it the best way I can. Me not talking to him or pressuring him into therapy or going to the doctor is my way of taking the pressure off. I do mention it from time to time, sometimes in a lighter tone but my point gets across. If he feels pressured to admit his deficiency to me it is going to anger him or humiliate him and that is not going to cause him to relax around me and trust me when he does decided to talk about it. I don't need him to talk about it really, I know what's going on and he's made a point of showing a lot of effection so I will know that he loves me.

It seems like he's going more out of his way lately to be with me and to tell me he loves me and to kiss me. This isn't his fault. I have to respect the way he wants to handle it. I'm the one who is having a hard time handling it but today i've given it a lot of thought and measuring the lack of sex up against all the other wonderful things about him, don't compare. I didn't expect this to happen so soon but he has been working very hard up in the canyon and his muscles are building up and that's why he's tired.

We don't really have bordellos around here and if he'd even looked at another woman I would have heard about it. We go to this nightclub once in awhile and the owner is my best friend and if he had spent time with a woman I would know about it and he told her once that if I ever thought he was flirting with someone else, I would kill him. If a man flirts with me he will tell him that i'm his and to back off so i'm not worried about that. I was in the beginning and so I just asked him if he was still attracted to me and he said of course he was.

I never speak to him in anger. I know how to talk to a man and if you do it in anger or accuse him of anything he isn't going to accept what you say. I think it surprises him that I have stayed with him when we stopped having sex regularly but I am showing him that I am a christian woman and that i'm different than a woman who is just out for herself. I've always known that God wants me to show him love and that someone decent can love him because he's had very bad relationships.

I have too. I've been married twice and not treated so well but sex was never the problem. I have so much more now because he treats me with respect and while we are very different in temperment, we both love God very much and acknowledge that he is the one who brought us together and nothing lasts without him. Yes, I get frustrated and I think he should think about how I feel but we've gone through some hard times.

He was drinking at bars when I first met him and now he doesn't go to bars and he's home with me. He's either here or up at the canyon. I respect him for volunteering and working so hard. I'm proud of him in many ways, I just think its a shame that we couldn't have a closer sexual relationship, or a sexual relationship at all but I see no reason to be mad at him for it.

Yes, I love him and have chosen to stay with him and I am trying to trust God and do the best I can but saying that, I can't say that I will be willing to give up sex for the rest of my life because i'm only 55 and I just can't see living that way unless God takes my desire away and that isn't what God wants. He made men and women to be together. I am a very strong woman and will deal with this somehow, I have days that are better than others and I think i've been very patient.

I don't know what will happen in the future, but I will say this, and he knows this already, if he ever cheated on me that would be the end of this relationship. I told him that when we first met. I may be strong but i'm not stupid. I caught him once mb in the front room and he said he was scratching, I haven't caught him since. He was so convincing I almost believed him but I know what I saw. I think he's afraid sometimes to make love to me and not be able to finish because he used to be able to make love to me three times a night and so that is hard for him.

But I leave that decision up to him, I don't pressure him and there is no way i'm going to instigate anything, other than putting on a sexy nightie, because I will not be in a position to be turned down or have him feel obligated. When he comes to bed that is usually a sign but lately he's been falling asleep. I'm going to give him a break because he works very hard up in the forest and he's doing labor that a younger man should be doing but he likes it. However, in a years time if this is worse then I will have to rethink it. He's only 65, but as I said, he spent a lot of years in bars after work, before I even met him.

And I plan on refusing any temptation that the enemy sends my way. Just as long as it isn't Johnny Depp!!!
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Old 11th June 2011, 10:09 AM   #206
Raymond
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

You are choosing the better part Baroness and you musn't lose that.

The sexual side is more complicated but you musn't let it affect the good part of your marriage. That chapter has not ended yet.
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Old 11th June 2011, 07:39 PM   #207
Chamomile
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever View Post

He was like this with his ex wife also (although he did cheat physically), so it is an internal thing having nothing to do with the "quality" of our relationship per se (outside of the sex act/drive problem). No, he is not working on avoiding anything (other than "hard" porn)...as I have just found he was scrolling the internet looking for hot women about five days ago.

As I mentioned earlier, he does not win the war with lust because he enjoys the battle's far too much. This is what the Lord told me when I saw the most recent website browsing he was doing. God did not mean for us to be in a perpetual life long battle over the same sin over and over. He provided us His victory if we resist the devil and decide by our will and the Spirit to avail ourselves of that victory. Trouble is, my husband thinks that if he just more clever at concealing everything from me, that means he is successful at loving me. I think that perspective is rather insidious given the effects it has on us both.

And if that were true, why am I so ashamed, and why does God want me to "Forbear"???

I take the liberty to speak this way because we share the Christian faith and I am hoping Baroness will recognise that.
Hi Forever xxx

If your h does love you deeply and values his marriage with you; you are both believers, I'm sure that things will gradually improve between you two. Have you thought about going to see a sex therapist together (if you hadn't already)? Perhaps, your h's way of thinking re. s*x and love might be deeply rooted in his own childhood? If a husband loves his wife but is unable to share sexual intimacy within marriage (in a normal way) then this may be regarded as some form of sexual dysfunction? A professional input may be useful in this type of situation? It could be this type of person may have some psychological reasons why he behaves this way that he himself may not be quite aware of?

It's good to persevere for someone you care so deeply. Yes, I was also brought to this site for my own marriage issues which I had been battling with. People on this site have inspired me quite a lot and hope we all move forward together. xxxx

Last edited by Chamomile; 11th June 2011 at 07:41 PM. Reason: clarify
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Old 13th June 2011, 04:36 PM   #208
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Dear All..

I have little to add to this discussion except to say that my marriage has made it 31 years and 19 of these bereft of any sexuality. What I have got is a man I love deeply and one I respect for his fine mind and kindness in the things he does do for me.

There were some quite awful times in the early years and I can assign
the block of time like chapters of a book. There were the angry/puzzled years, the grief stricken years, and the compromise/sublimate/substitute years. I knew my personality changed during these years when I reacted to the loss of equilibrium that the man I most trusted would betray me and cut me off. As an attractive, vivacious woman I could easily attract a man and it galled me he dared to treat me as having no value. The whole process has been a bit like Dantes inferno as we walk through the portals of loneliness, hostility, pain, anguish. I also know how easily we can go into ourselves and develop a victim mentality. No one else can understand how a woman can be held hostage to a man who won't, can't, or refuses to discuss the vacuum that is life together.

We can speak of this anomaly here. Most of us could not confide a personal shame to another except perhaps a very dear friend. I confided to my mother years ago. She derided me that a "real woman" didn't have such a problem, so I got from her the type of cruelty that typified our relationship.
A couple of my friends envied my marriage for the good looking, well spoken man I married. They said his job which takes him away for months at a time was good fortune for me. They said I had the best of both worlds a man around who makes great income, did chores, and was gone so I could live my own life. One thought me a fool to remain faithful when I had time/freedom to have another realtionship since I was the wronged party.

Today The loss does not hit me in early morning. The anger is gone. I value the man he is with me. I amended the bitterness I often felt.
I know for others here this is a hard road to walk and terribly injuring to the psyche. A woman over 50 is at her sexual peak when children are gone. She is free to explore her own sexuality. That is when life can be sweet with a couple who care for each other and can develop time that doesn't include child rearing. I feel sorry for others here and it is good there is this place where we can bring this sad subject. We can share what we learned through personal experience.

There are many things a woman can develop to bring happiness into a life that misses one component. The glass can be wonderfully full. My interest in others means I extend myself instead of pulling inward, and that heals.
Frankly, I find the conversation of God in every issue here a bit off putting. Does that mean I lack religion or faith? I think not..let us say I think a sense of humor and a discussion about other ways to develop
outside oneself would be welcome here.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 13th June 2011 at 04:52 PM.
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Old 13th June 2011, 05:00 PM   #209
1aokgal
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

PS.....Forever, I can't imagine servicing a man as you do in place of an intimate and loving relationship. That means you are being used. Maybe he would put forth more effort to meet your needs/expectations if you don't make it too easy for him? Sounds like it all revovlves around his desires, not yours.

Don't give up. Maybe this can still be salvaged.
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Old 13th June 2011, 05:03 PM   #210
chosen
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Speaking for myself, I only mention God when the person posting is a christian, or is clearly seeking, and I feel it is appropriate. Many times I have held back from doing so.
God is central to our lives for those of us who do believe, and believe me, God has a brilliant sense of humour. I have found that out many times in the years that I have been a Christian. Thats where we all get it from in the first place.
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