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Old 11th June 2009, 08:03 AM   #1
crazymonkey
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Unhappy Is anyone brave enough to read the whole thing and offer some words of wisdom???

While I realize this is a marriage forum I feel as though the relationship I am having trouble with is as close to a marriage as one can get without having the marriage license. I would greatly appreciate any support or advice from those of you going through some similar or if you just have something to add any input would be great.

We've been together 3 years and when she decided she needed a "separation" we were in the middle of planing our wedding. She is the love of my life and the only woman I can see myself with.

She's always had this cycle of emotional issues... she's always had consistent change until she met me and we settled down... with our home together, we've purchased cars together we have 2 dogs together we've built a great start to our life together... I guess she feels too restrained... tied down maybe?

She's never delt with responsibility well and with me well I've been working full time since I was 13. I guess despite the fact that I'm young and she is indeed older than me we've both known that I feel, act, and live my life as a much older man... I'm just ready for things to calm down, I don't want to bar hop, I don't want to party with friends, I enjoy getting together with friends but I would enjoying sitting on my couch at home watching a good movie just as much. I had to grow up a lot younger than most and given the life experiences I've had I really feel like I just don't understand those my age but S has always understood me and really enjoyed that about me and her being older was kind of our balance.

She seems to be ok with how things are and she's always made it feel like she loves me just as much but sometimes all of a sudden she just changes and becomes this emotional wreck that I really can't begin to understand... I wish I could chalk it up to PMS but really that isn't the case. I proposed to her, she said yes... and she said she wanted that with me our life together the stability she told me she loved me and she can't imagine spending her life any other way or with anyone else...

Does this sound like someone who is about to leave? Last week she made me go to a Wedding Vender Fair and this week she needs to get away from me to have time to herself to think about what she needs to do and to figure out how she feels.

Now, while I realize I did see the signs of this I really didn't see it coming at this particular time.... I'm very open about my feelings thoughts, wants, needs, dislikes, opinions I just feel being honest is better than blowing smoke... She has a very hard time telling anyone anything emotional or explaining how she feels or what she wants. I don't know what was real and what was her just saying things to say it. She says she loves me and she still can't see herself with anyone else but she can't do this anymore... she says she's not happy and she needs to figure out who she is and what she wants.

I had a complete meltdown when she first started telling me she wanted to be seperated... I've heard all the sayings and I understand that's just how some people deal with things but in my opinion removing yourself from the relationship does not seem like the logical way back to bliss. She didn't just leave... she waited until i went to Physical Therapy (about a month ago I almost died in a car accident my back and neck are all messed up ) and when I got home her stuff was gone, she took one dog, left the other and left me a note that reads " I love you. I hope you know that. -me- " I called her and she was already 3 hours away staying with a friend in her home town.

I realize that if she's not happy with herself she can't possible be happy with me and I would like to give her the space she needs to find whatever it is she is looking for but I just don't understand where this came from... why tell someone one thing one day and then just drop a bombshell and leave the next.

She told me I'm her best friend and she wants me in her life but she says that I make her feel like she can't do anything... I'm picky and stubburn and I apparently I make her feel that way... it really hurts me that the women I want to be happy has been upset all this time because of my actions... I've been in couseling for a while just to be able to manage stress and life and deal with everything in a healthy mannor but I guess I didn't try hard enough or change enough.... I'm not even sure what it is... I just wish she would have been more honest and open about how things were making her feel... you can't change things unless you really know what's going on. I hope that this experience will help her to be more open and honest about her feelings and whatever she's going to and as I have been I will continue to work on the things that keep me from being the best man I can be with the hope that even if she decides not to come back I can be a better stronger person.

I'm just not sure how to handle her... she wont talk on the phone but she will send text messages at this point... I don't want to bother her but I feel sort of panicky at the thought of losing her and I just her to know how much I love her.... yet I want to give her the space she needs... I'm left her dealing with both of our bills and I'm ok with dealing with that for the time being.... 3 weeks ago we signed a car loan together... I just don't understand how she can go from that level of commitment to needing to rediscover herself in another city without me having any part in her life.

I really appreciate anyone and everyone who actually read the entire rant/explanation of my situation.

Thank you.
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