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Old 20th November 2011, 01:20 AM   #196
1aokgal
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Your painting Christmas houses for a village sounds like fun. I love to do such creative things.
My husband is home after four months gone. He got home one days after our 31st anniversary. He will have until January here, then is gone again. Today we shopped for a lovely new Xmas tree with a stand that turns the tree. So it seems we will get some decorating done in the next days.

My daugher was able to get off Thanksgiving, so she will be here for the day. She will bring her best Pumpkin cheese cake over and she is a fabulous baker. So I look forward to that.
Things always go well with us. Perhaps what needs to change with women is our expectations, as changing another never works. I work more on oil painting as that is a happy place for me. You are a creative person and you will find that you get in touch with yourself in making something beautiful.
 
Old 20th November 2011, 01:39 AM   #197
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Yes, a while back I realized that my expectations were too high and that's what was causing me so much trouble. I write romance novels so maybe that has something to do with it. Then I was upset because of him stopping making love to me and now I don't really know what the future will hold for me. I am waiting on God's direction and seeing how things go. The truth of the matter is, its hard to find a man you can trust and who will be faithful to you and who you respect.

He doesn't believe the way I do about the bible and he's quiet and he's not really romantic. These are not reasons to leave someone. God can show him things but even if that doesn't happen at least he believes in God and prays. He's quiet but then so am I, and he's not romantic the way I would like but he is the one who brings me the beautiful flowers when no other man really had.

We are used to each other and know each other and have built a nice home together and I feel safe with him, like no harm would come to me because I know he would stick up for me and protect me in a dangerous situation. I could find someone with those qualities but maybe there would be something else I wouldn't like about him. Maybe he'd be jealous or demanding, you just don't know until you've known someone for awhile.

I have posted on here that it would be better if I left and found someone else more like me, but I'm just not feeling that I should go at this time. Regardless of not having an income, if it was meant that I should go then surely I wouldn't still love him. It gets kind of confusing for me so I have to leave it in God's hands at this point.

I do better when I don't think about this constantly and when I start to, to think of something else because worrying about my future isn't helping. So I have decided to just be myself and enjoy my life as it is and if the time comes where I am to go, then I will say that I did my best. And if the door opens for me to go then it will be because I can support myself. When God does something there isn't alot of confusion, it just works out.

I don't think any of us knows what's going to happen in future, all we can do is live our life the best we can and handle whatever happens in life.
 
Old 20th November 2011, 03:37 AM   #198
chosen
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

baronness, I think that I said ages ago that your partner seems to have many good qualities and we will never find the perfect mate because we arent perfect ourselves, so how can we expect them to be?
He does have faith and just because it doesnt seem to be the same way as yours doesnt matter, and the fact that he doesnt read the Bible like you do isnt an issue. He is where he is with God, and to be honest, some ladies who I am friends with would be thrilled to have a man who believes in God and prays! Their husbands do neither! God relates to us all as unique individuals, and I learnt many years ago that what is right for one believer isnt right for another.

We will never get anywere by comparing our partners to other people. It do not good at all and will always bring discontentment and unhappiness.I do agree with you that writing(or reading) romance novels is a bad idea, because you get unrealistic expectations of marriage and romance and of what a man 'should' be like.YOu are making the men in your novels to be the so called 'ideal man' but did you know that many romance writers make their men to be effeminate and more 'women' like because that makes them seem more caring and romantic?Men and women are different and we need to respect the differences.

We all need to be accepted unconditionally, and as we are, and not as others think we should be. If you want to stay with this man, you two need to have a serious talk about marriage. The fact that you have lived with him all this time probably makes him think that you arent in a hurry to marry, and unless you tell him otherwise that things have changed for you and that now marriage is very important, how will he know? Men(or women) cant read minds.

As for finding someone who is more like you, you make it sound so easy. I have to say that at our age(50's) available goldy Christian men are like gold dust, and are extreemly rare. Christian women of middle age and older far far outnumber the men, so the chances are that you would be alone for the rest of your life. I consider myself to have been very blessed to have met my husband in my late 40's. He had literally just come out of a marriage, and if I hadnt come along I am sure he would have been snapped up very quickly. I know several ladies in their 50's and 60's who have been alone for a very long time and their prospects of finding a man are slim.

Last edited by chosen; 20th November 2011 at 10:17 AM.
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Old 20th November 2011, 06:34 AM   #199
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Men of that age are an "exotic species" by eager women of 45+ who realize their best days lookwise, might be behind, and their selections are less. The problem is many of these men prefer 20 something women who seek a man of property who is already trained. That cuts the number even more. So, that is true that it is not as easy to find a decent man as it is when younger.

I married a younger man and he had not been married before, but that is not the usual. Maybe that realtionship still has hope and i agree the discussion about marriage is a must. You should know where you stand and what is in his plan. If the romance is past, you should know that too. Don't confront, just ask.
 
Old 20th November 2011, 10:37 AM   #200
chosen
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I am not sure that non Christian men are quite so hard to find, but Christian men certainly are. I do know non believing women who have met men well into middle age and older, but when it comes to the church and Christian men, in all ages there are more females than males, from the teens upwards. It seems to get worse the older you get, and most churches that I have been to have quite a few single or divorced ladies, bit few, if any, single or divorced men. Its a sad fact of life it seems.In the world its about 50/50 males to females, but in the church when you get to middle age it seems to be about 80/20 or even 90/10 from what I have seen, and going by numbers on the internet sites I used to go on.
Godly men wont be after very young women(my husband is slightly younger than me), and in the circles that I move in most women arent after money or position, but I am sure that is the case in some places.

Its very tempting for ladies in this position to look outside their faith but that is a bad idea,and God does forbid it anyway. My 3 close female Christian friends will tell you this themselves. They all have non believing husbands and it causes so much unhappiness for them even thought they love them.

When my son came back to God about 5 years ago, in his late 20's, he joined a Christian dating site in the Uk. All of his friends up till then werent believers obviously. Within a very short time he had 30 or so girls wanting to get to know him.(he is good looking lol). Thats just shows that even in the late 20's and early 30's there arent enough men. He is now very happily married to a beautiful lady, the first one who had contacted him!!!A match made in heaven, literally.
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Old 21st November 2011, 01:55 AM   #201
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Chosen, I actually write romance/suspense mystery books and I always have except now there is no sex in them, just romance and I never said it was a bad idea. Its what I do and have always wanted to do. I've changed the way I write and make the men more realistic.

Chosen and 1aokgal, thank you for your input and I have been praying about God showing me what to do and about doors opening and I just don't feel like he wants me to leave gabby. I had an open mind when I prayed but you are right, in that it might be hard to find a christian man. I believe that god could find me someone but at least gabby believes in God and does pray, and you are also right that we don't have to believe the same, but it would be nice.

We have been getting along better and I feel that I can't say goodbye to him. Of course, if God has something else in mind then he will show me but when I pray I feel that he wants me to stay put. I have talked to him about marriage and he agreed that we will get married and he understands that it bothers me that we aren't and it bothers him also. This is quite a breakthrough.

Of course once we're married we still have the problem of sex but he also assured me that its because he gets tired after working up at the canyon and now he is walking quite a bit. He said he is of course still attracted to me. But we still have the problem of sleeping apart and no sex and it could be that there never will be.

If God wants me to marry him, well, I know he does, he will have to give me the strength and grace to live without sex. However; gabby does hold me and still show affection so it isn't a lost cause yet. This used to be a really big problem for me but not so much anymore. I don't know if God is helping me or i'm just getting used to it but it is no longer a deal breaker.

It isn't right that married people should live like that but he is quite a bit older than me and so I am still praying about it but no longer focusing on it. I am not focusing on our differences either. I had to train my mind to think differently and be thankful for the good things about him. I always had accepted him the way he was until the sex issue.

I was talking it over with my best friend last night and realized that he and I have a relationship that mostly works. I like time alone to do my own thing and he is agreeable and don't pressure me to spend every waking moment with him. We spend more time together than before and it looks like we aren't going to my mom's for christmas.

It will be our first christmas here and I will make christmas dinner. My daughter is coming from Seattle and she will spend christmas day with us. I hate it that I won't see my mother and brother but the van is going to cost too much money at this time to fix. It's been a long while since I haven't been with my whole family and I won't see my son or grandson either.

I will have to make the best of it and he apologized and I told him he didn't have to, we would just make the best of it, and it wasn't his fault the van broke down. He isn't a real holiday person but I am. However; he says the way I decorate the place reminds him of his mother when she was alive. At least I will get to see my daughter who I miss very much. My thinking process has definitely changed.

I asked God to help me with it and he has, I don't entertain negative thoughts about this relationship or anything else, I just thank God for what I do have because there are people in worse shape than us. Homeless people out in the rain with no where to spend the holiday. Couples where the husband is abusive and the wife lives in fear.

I have none of that and I do have a good man who will do the right thing by me and so I have come to the conclusion that I really don't want another man with other problems. At least I know gabby is faithful and has a kind heart and I don't think he's so much selfish for not trying to be with me physically as it is he's afraid of failing. Anyway, that's something that will be addressed after we're married, not now.

In a strange way its kind of good that we aren't having sex, that he isn't instigating it because I have decided to wait until after we're married. Of course I'm not absolutely sure this is what God wants but I'm going by the way I feel when I pray and I realize that I still love him and as he has come a long way since we got together, God can take him and I further still.
 
Old 21st November 2011, 06:39 AM   #202
chosen
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Baroness
yes God can and will take him further. God changing us is a process for all of us, and we are all at different stages in our journey.

Just my thoughts on the romace novel thing.
It often isnt sex in romance novels that make them so attractive to women, but the romance and fantasy and being wanted by this wonderful 'knight in shining armor'. Some say it is the female equivalent of men looking at porn, because men are in the main more visually stimulated and women are more turned on by what the man says and does and how he treats her.
My husbands ex used to watch loads of historical romance films and made him watch them with her(he hated them)presumably in the hope that he would suddenly be like one of those effiminate fictional men in them. Well it didnt help their marriage did it and I keep well away from such films and books because I dont want anything to make me in anyway discontent. Also I prefer a real normal man, and not a made up one who is just acting and is nothing like that in real life. These film makers know how to get women to watch.

yes I am sure that God could find you another man, but the facts are that if there are 4 or 5 or 6 women to every man of our sort of age, then the sad fact is that most Christian ladies wont meet anyone. However I think that God has found you a man, and things in your relationship do sound as of they are definately moving in the right direction. Did you even think that the fact that the sex stopped may even be God ensuring that you no longer disobeyed him? He cant bless a relationship where there is sin like that, and you may even find that if you marry and both repent and appologise for having sex outside marriage, things may improve a lot on that area. At least then you will have Gods full blessing. How could God answer your prayers to heal your sex life when it was sinful to have it anyway? It was never going to happen, but after marriage, who knows!!You can then pray wth assurance that you are in Gods will and blessing.
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Old 22nd November 2011, 01:41 AM   #203
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Baronness

Yes, I think you or someone expressed your views on romance novels before but that is what I do and is my vocation. Your opinion is noted but I still like to write mystery novels and will continue to do so. Yes, I realize that God may have had a hand in the no sex thing and I will make it right and I agree with you that god has already given me a good man.

But this good man just told me to go my mom's for christmas without him. The van is down and my daughter in law offered to come and get us because we all meet at my mom's and I told him and he said he didn't want to go without his own car but that I could go since he was just going to be watching tv anyway. At first I said no because I didn't want to spend christmas apart from him but it clearly doesn't matter to him.

He's still trying to fix the van in time but its doubtful so I didn't think it was right to not be with my whole family just because he doesn't want to depend on anyone else and he's right; he would just sit here and watch tv. It kind of hurt my feelings because he just changed the subject like it didn't matter at all and I don't think it does matter to him.

The praying and reading the bible is working for me as far as not having negative thoughts all the time, but if I miss a day they all come back so I have to keep doing this. We've been getting along pretty well and he said he would try to fix the van in time but it looks doubtful. I told him this isn't what couples do and we haven't spent a christmas apart since before we moved in together but his attitude is that its just another day.

At first I didn't know what to do because I didn't want to leave him here but he said I needed to be with my mother because I only see her once or sometimes twice a year and also I wouldn't see my son and my daughter would probably go up there too instead of spending it with me. She lives in seattle and we haven't seen her in a long time.

Is this a sign? That our relationship is so distant that he doesn't care if we spend christmas together or not? Does he truly not care or is he being unselfish by telling me to go be with my family. He loved my brother and mother and my kids too so why would he be so stubborn about not accepting a ride? Of course I knew he wouldn't.

I thought that perhaps this would be a good time to go and think about this relationship away from here. I would have time. I did this earlier in the year, remember? Thats when I rededicated my life to God and discovered that I really missed gabby and that I still loved him. Anyway, that's what's happening.

He just came in here and asked me to look for another vehicle on line. So much for him thinking about being here on christmas. I guess I won't take it personally since I know him and I don't think he meant it as an insult or anything.

I'm doing okay, you don't have to worry about me and reading romance novels. I don't read them, I just write them and as I say; I write mysteries. I think that topic is over but I appreciate you speaking your mind but it has nothing to do with me and him. I have no romantic expectations. He has his romantic moments and I wouldn't want a man who gushed all over me with poetry and sonnets and words of love.

I know he loves me and this is just the way he is. One thing about gabby is that I know I can trust him. I know he wouldn't even talk to another woman if she started flirting with him.

Everyone have a nice Thanksgiving!
 
Old 22nd November 2011, 02:41 AM   #204
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Dear Baroness..

Write on, Sweetie, and maybe you catch the spirit of Catherine Cookson from 1900s' Edwardian England, a VERY poor lady who wrote about her trials and tribulations in extraordinary romance novels. These were translated into many languages. She wrote hundreds of great novels in her lifetime. She went from utter poverty, who actually labored in the "pits" , the coal mines of UK, and became extremely wealthy. She was a great philanthropist, who understood the problems of others and gave generously of her fortune to causes for others.

Her novels have been made into movies and show on the BBC "Masterpiece Theatre." I adore Catherine Cookson and the movies are wonderful romantic stories, usually with a moral lesson. She was a quite amazing lady with heart, who lacked means, and frankly did not have great education. Anyone who would discourage a creative spirit lacks vision. This spark to create comes from God who intended us to use our talents to enrich our culture. Romance novels are not sex novels, as that is a different genre.

Read the biography on that romance novelist, Margaret Mitchell, who spent 10 yrs to write ONE novel, her first novel. It is one of the greatest of all time romance stories..yes, hardships, war, sex, bad marriages, and bad decision making from the heroine who capitivated the world in the novel made into film, "Gone with the Wind." What woman hasn't loved that story! Imagine the creator wispering in that novice writers' head and what she wrote for all to enjoy!

I love the movies made of Cookson novels from the story value, and the fabulous costume elements as that goes along with MY creativity to design Victorian costumes and accessories for ladies in the theatre and Victorian Societies. My outfits have been shipped all over the world.
The poster with this view didn't think figure painting was good in the arts either! Somebody who sees that narrowly would have banned the Sistine Chapel and many works of fabulous art. The poster who disapproves of romance novels must be thinking of hard core "bodice grabber" novels and that is a different thing. There is no evil or wrong in such interesting, imaginative stories. Remember the book burners some years ago who thought the novels, by philosophers and thinking men, weren't good to read either!

Rock on, Baroness!

Last edited by 1aokgal; 22nd November 2011 at 06:49 AM.
 
Old 22nd November 2011, 03:13 AM   #205
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

PS...Baroness, while you have history with him and it would be terribly hard for you to stay with him. I think he has no idea of marriage at this point. Why would you want to marry this man? Frankly, this man appeals to me not at all. I think there is an extended history of his own selfishness. That romance died long ago. You did not get the message because you are loyal.

I WOULD go to your mothers' for Xmas. You should have a great time and begin to detach from the guy. I think he has another agenda. He seems dishonest in how he is dealing with your relationship. While I can say it is true that it is tougher out there for women over 50 to meet a decent man, I also know a couple women who married later. One set her mind to meet a military officer. She joined an organization active on the military base here. She rented a room from me for a time while she looked for a place. She is not gorgeous and could stand to lose some weight, but is attractive and well spoken. She sent out her wedding invitations recently to a very nice 50 yr old Navy commander. I learned from my best friend who knows about him, he is quite a catch. She joined a church with single and divorced bible group and met him at a function. She told me she would find a good man and she did.

You are too young to give up your sexuality and be with someone who treats you like wallpaper. Think about changing your life. I think he is biding time to hear about your disability by January. I would be on my guard that he may drop it on you in January he doesn't have to provide for you. Lets' be honest, he has shown you repeatedly, he is not in it for you. That might hurt, but I would take that as gospel, it is over. Put the future in your own hands and think carefully.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 25th November 2011 at 04:57 AM.
 
Old 22nd November 2011, 09:40 AM   #206
chosen
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

No you are right baroness, most men arent naturally romantic anyway, but I still think you have a good man who loves you so dont do anything drastic till God clearly leads you. God can change things and you said yourself how he has already changed so much.
You have a best friend and companion and you love each other, why risk that for a life alone? Once you marry, if you decide to, God can begin to bless your relationship and I think you will see big changes. All this time, your relationship has been out of Gods real blessing.
The more that you get discontent the more he will feel it, and who wants their partner to be discontent with them? It is soul destroying. My husband had that for years.When we met he was like a shell.
Treasure what you have, thank God for the good things and pray about the rest. Many ladies would be very happy to have a man like him, who believes in God, works hard in giving to others, is faithful, and prays. No man or women is perfect, and even if you did meet someone else(which statistically isnt likely), he too will have faults and weaknesses, maybe even worse ones.Just dont waste time or energy thinking that there is a perfect 'knight in shining armor' around, because he doest exist.

I do really think that this whole thing of being double minded is harming you. You need to either get married and put 100% committment into the marriage, or leave and move on. You cant carry on going back and forth in your mind forever.
Its not doing you any good and he will be sensing that as well.
God Bless
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Old 22nd November 2011, 11:26 AM   #207
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
PS...Baroness, while you have history with him and it would be terribly hard for you to stay with him. I think he has no idea of marriage at this point. Why would you want to marry this man? Frankly, this man appeals to me not at all. I think there is an extended history of his own selfiishness. That romance died long ago. You did not get the maessage because you are loyal.

I WOULD go to your mothers' for Xmas. You should have a great time and begin to detach from the guy. I think he has another agenda. He seems dishonest in how he is dealing with your relationship. While I can say it is true that it is tougher out there for women over 50 to meet a decent man, I also know a couple women who married later. One set her mind to meet a military officer. She joined an organization active on the military base here. She rented a room from me for a time while she looked for a place. She is not gorgeous and could stand to lose some weight, but is attractive and well spoken. She sent out her wedding invitations recently to a very nice 50 yr old Navy commander. I learned from my best friend who knows about him, he is quite a catch. She joined a church with single and divorced bible group and met him at a function. She told me she would find a good man and she did.

You are too young to give up your sexuality and be with someone who treats you like wallpaper. Think about changing your life. I think he is biding time to hear about your disability by January. I would be on my guard that he may drop it on you in January he doesn't have to provide for you. Lets' be honest, he has shown you repeatedly, he is not in it for you. That might hurt, but I would take that as gospel, it is over. Put the future in your own hands and think carefully.
Dear 1aokgal xx

Your post often sums up how much you care about others and B in this particular case and you speak the truth from your heart. You're a straight-laced person who cannot tell lies, which is an exceptional talent. You are committed to educate ppl, instead. It's a hardest thing to do to so many of us. My hat's off to you. After all, that's what public forums are for.

B has lived so many years with this ungodly man. She's clearly so attached to him whilst the relationship has gone past its sell by date as her descriptions often suggest this. All he seems to care about her is when she's getting her disability money and his cable. Not much else.

It is probably, a case of "it's better than nothing". It's better to have this man than no one to care, perhaps. B is a passionate and caring woman who has a lot to give. Hope she will do what's right for her according to what Bible says when she's realistically able to. It would be good for her to be able to leave what happened in the past behind eventually and move on. You cannot change a man who doesn't have any Christian faith.
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Old 22nd November 2011, 12:52 PM   #208
chosen
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I think that we are all judging this man who we really know little about. We are also making serious assumptions about him as well. I see things and him very differently from others here. I see a lot of good. I cant see many of the things that he is being accused of. They are purely assumptions with no proof.
If they get married they may well have a very blessed marriage. We cant always just run when things dont go 100% the way we want.
The main thing Baroness, is to ask for Gods clear leading, because He is the only one who knows the future. If you jump without His guidance you may regret it for the rest of your life. Sometimes we dont appreciate what we have until we loose it. Yes the grass can look greener, but when you get to it, it still has weeds and brambles and rough patches just like the old grass.....
So dont go by what any of us here say, but by what GOD says. He alone has true wisdom.
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Old 22nd November 2011, 05:41 PM   #209
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Chamomile..

Thanks for your nice post. Xoxoo. Yes, we do care about the women here who try so hard.

We might think the safest thing we can say for B is to stay where she is. The problem there is this...Gabby has no responsibility to provide for her, health problems or her senior years. If he wanted to marry, he would have done that years ago, when things were good. While she paints Xmas houses, he avoids her company and goes to the canyon, where he expends efforts free. Meantime he yowls about the money for his cable service. Who does that? That is a nightmare! The income is so poor he is grounded by his truck problem.

So, her staying is not assured at all. It would be foolhardy to put all her effort to bake and carry on, when that situation is extremely unstable. I see that where she lives is killing her soul.

They don't own a home together and likely her name may not even be on the lease. When this is over she has ZERO. He doesn't put out, he keeps her no companionship and has a sharp tongue bordering on verbal abuse. He shares nothing, least of all her faith. The problem is her lack of confidence and her need to hang on with her fingertips to marry someone totally unredeemable as a nice guy. No this is no dream story.

They were good together when lit, she on vodka, and he into his choice. He still spends what money he gets his hands on for a barroom blast. If she hadn't sobered up, she would be there with him, but because she saw where that was leading her, she realized that was soul destroying. THAT is what they had in common. While the booze flowed there was fun and sex. Truth is, he is not a fun guy without liquid help. She has gotten all homey/crafy as women will do, and they don't share that.

Yes, It would be so hard for B to leave and try it with relatives help. I did it years ago, and it was terrible....but I made a better life. It is hard to tell someone the truth about their situation. We want to honey down the words. Meantime we wish that reality would crack through to someone before it is too late. This life she is living is quite terrible. I say this respectfully...she is not young and she is no cover girl, but she can find a better life than what she has today.

Life now means at least age 76 for women, according to actuarial statistics. Does anyone here think this guy is going to keep a roof over her head and continue to sleep on the couch the next 20 years? No, he won't. So he has tried to make it so she would leave. She holds on for the fact she is not able to see her way to leave financially. He doesn't owe her a roof overhead. So I think the clock is running here. She needs to pull out all the stops for income. She needs to clean houses, babysit, find an anything job to enable her moving soon. That is the real truth.

There are a few of us who had all doors shut and managed to make things work, and get a better life. I think she can do it. She has to have faith she can do that, but it has to be when she feels she can. I think her time there is running.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 22nd November 2011 at 06:44 PM.
 
Old 23rd November 2011, 02:21 AM   #210
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Wow. I am getting different advice from each of you. First of all, I don't think he is ever going to dump me. He tells me all the time how we will be together forever and he loves me and believes this. Chosen, you are right about him in your assessment, he isn't a bad man and doesn't constantly complain but is just frustrated because money is tight.

However, 1aogal and Chamomile have a point too. Things will probably get worse but of course I have faith in God so I can't pronounce doom on him. All the advice has a point and I am waiting on God, not just running out and stepping out of his will again. I have given everything to God and am not worrying about this.

Men have always liked me and been drawn to me and that's why i'm not worried about finding another man and I believe God would bring me one. I have a positive attitude and like to laugh and men find me appealing to look at, as well, but that's no guarantee I know. I have no worries on that score and I am not here just because I am afraid of being alone. I have no fear of anything.

The reason I seem to straddle both sides of the fence is because of what all of you just said; the different aspects of this relationship. I am waiting on God and am going to see what happens. By the time I get the disability I will know what to do. You see, its very hard not knowing what you should do, if what you do will be a mistake or the best move.

That's why I am leaving it to God because unless he opens the door I am not moving but sometimes its good to step out on faith too. I still care for him but we are more like roomates now. If he cares deeply for me he is doing a good job of hiding it and yet he will tell me he loves me and I know he means it. He does not want me to leave and if and when that time comes he will be very shocked and hurt.

However; if God has another plan for me i'm not going to stay in a relationship where the man won't marry me or treat me right. I have no illusions about him or any man but I do believe this relationship should be different. He has too many issues he won't let go of and I'm tired of being hurt by what he does and doesn't do. Maybe he's happier in a bar, but I know there is much more to life than that.

I am a christian and I love God and I have made the decision to do what God wants me to do and I know he will show me what that is. There are good and bad things about staying and the same for leaving. I have to trust in God and in my own intelligence to show me what to do. Do I want to live like this the rest of my life? No.

If he wanted to marry me tomorrow, could I just accept this kind of life? I don't think so. Do I still love him? Yes, but its horrible to want someone and be attracted to them when they don't seem to feel the same. That's worse than being alone.

1aokgal, thanks for your words about writing; you get it. Try not to be concerned about me, ladies. I am a strong woman and I will get through this. I know you don't know him but it isn't that he's such a horrible person. Its that he has no passion for anything. Yes, I can get along with him, but I don't want to just live life getting along and accepting all the bad stuff in this relationship?

I know him better than anyone and I know he doesn't have bad intentions at all and he's the one who is paying for everything, not me. It has just been lately that he has been getting frustrated and its quite normal for him to do so. God is changing me and the last thing I want is to settle for this or that when he has another plan for me, where I can find happiness.

At this point I am just waiting for direction as well as for the disability. I will no longer put anything before God. I spent years pleasing myself with sex and booze and now its time to put God first.
 
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