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Old 18th June 2009, 12:15 PM   #1
Shane
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True lesson?

I think that everyone of us on this forum takes too much responsability for our partners mistakes, everybody says maybe he's this because or maybe she's that because? and analyse and and try to better ourselves into the ground, why we didnt do the wrong thing its not our fault they cheated!!

And lets all be honest with each other now, none of us would consider exacting the same actions on our abusers, why? are we perfect? ,No!!

Its because we value our relationships and marriages, we know that marriage is for life good and bad, and that communication can sort anything, the thought of affairs never even comes into our heads, these abusers are just spoilt children pitying thereselves as the victums all the time.

If we all had superstar syndrome and had an affair everytime something didnt go our way then we would be having affairs every other day?

Where do you draw the line with these people, tuesdays affair was because? and thursdays affair was because?

Communication can fix anything and if someone is selfish,careless and reckless enough to willingly destroy a relationship, a family etc at the drop of a hat rather than talk about what they need, then there is no future with this person, and they will probably end up repeating this pattern all there lives and eventually end up bitter and alone.

I think one thing we achieve on this sight is understanding for the pain and actions these people commit, but i also think that the real lesson and most important lesson we should take from these awful situations is to make sure that our eyes are wide open at the beginning of our next relationships, and we must consider ourselves completely in the selection and not ignore little signs due to attraction, our true and long term happiness can only come from seeing a selfish person with open eyes from day one.


Love is Blind and too much make up is a mask!!!!
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Old 18th June 2009, 12:55 PM   #2
crush
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Re: True lesson?

I cannot agree more Shane the lessons we shall all learn through this will carry us forward into our futures. No I probably won't settle for something just because of attraction but will remain true to myself. Not that I will become a selfish person but would not want to find myself in this situation again.
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Old 18th June 2009, 01:04 PM   #3
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Re: True lesson?

I agree as well Shane. Whatever our background or problems we must still take responsibility for our actions. There may be mitigating circumstances but if responsibilty is not taken there is no way forward.

By those reasonings one could justify murder as the poor chap had a bad upbringing. We are all responsible for our actions and if we get it wrong we must put it right.

Raymond
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Old 19th June 2009, 10:42 PM   #4
j92cool
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 183
Re: True lesson?

That is so true Shane. After the inital total disbeleif, devestation and hurt I realised that what happened was not my fault in any way. What I am still having issues with is beating myself up for putting up with so much crap for so long. I look back and cannot believe the way I ALLOWED myself to be treated. I am worth way more than that.

I don't know if I can trust again and to be honest if I don't have another realtionship I will not be too worried. I can be happy with the family and friends that I have and not having another bloke in my life will not leave me feeling empty at all. But you never know what can happen in the future and I am keeping an open mind.

I have no doubt that my STBX will end up bitter and alone which is just what he deserves. His actions have shut all doors with his firends and family.
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Old 19th June 2009, 10:57 PM   #5
AT A LOSS
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Re: True lesson?

Could'nt agree more with the above posts.I am not perfect but then neither is everyone else.It is comforting to know I am not alone and as said by Shane,enforces that ,it also enforces my belief in human nature that not everyone is a cheating so and so and there are people that value vows,have morals and integrity.I still am grieving but for what?somone who couldnt care less ,is with somone elses husband for a few hours .Well if thats living then they are welcome to it.I would rather be on my own than put someone else through what I am having to face currently just for my own selfish reasons
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