Re: vicars threats
Dear Catherine
Theoretically you can ask another vicar you know to marry you, but that does need the permission of the vicar of the parish you are being married in, so you would have to handle it carefully. As you say it is probably too late to change things. Do you know another clergyman well enough to ask?
It is awful facing up to the possibility that this day may not turn out to be the one your daughter wanted. Might I suggest that you and you daughter and fiancée sit down together and discuss the expectations you have for the wedding ceremony, because it is these that colour the way we respond emotionally to events. If we expect something to happen and it doesn’t we feel disappointed. On the other hand, if you fear the worst and the vicar behaves in a helpful way then you will find your spirits lifted on the day.
Our wedding day was a disaster in one sense in that I hadn't realised to wait for the vicar at the back of the church and we marched up the aisle before he had come out of the vestry. There was chaos for a few moments and we all ended up laughing. Sometimes looking back I regret that it was so disorganised but at the time it lightened the atmosphere and helped everyone relax. So disasters can be turned to positive experiences.
Perhaps the key is to keep your sense of humour, to focus on the couple and the vows they are making and to keep it all in perspective. So long as they keep their eyes and hearts on each other, what happens around them will be less important. It is one day in the whole of their lives which will be made up of lots of other happy memories, so if you can't control what goes on in the ceremony, there will be lots of other joys ahead.
I do hope that you can sort out any difficulties and that your duaghter’s day goes off smoothly and happily.
Liz
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