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Old 14th May 2016, 03:39 PM   #1
Gary123
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Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 3
Heartbroken & Need advice

Hi everyone, new to the forum and 1st time poster. I need advice or help for those of you with a bit more experience than myself. I married my partner last year after being together 9 years. We have always had an amazing relationship and only once did we ever had a serious fall out (about 7 years ago) that resulted in her staying with her parents for 2 weeks. So my problem is.....

We married last year in Spain a dream we both shared we had the most amazing time and joined by 40 friends/family it was perfect. We did have some problems on the lead up to the wedding we lost a family member & my wife sold her business that was no longer profitable other than that it was a smooth ride. No jitters, no panic or last minute rethinks etc just the perfect wedding. Since we have returned home my wife started a new job that has seen her working 90+ hours per week as it involves wedding planning, events etc so we haven't had much time together to build this new married life (other than a trio to Vegas in November 15) just around a month that ago my wife told me she didn't feel she was in love anymore and that we never do anything together. I explained that all I want to do is spend time together and that her job as much as I support it is a new issue in that she has no real free time. She has since moved to her parents 2 weeks ago and has said her feeling are still the same and that her priorities have changed and she's not sure if that will ever change back. It has absolutely destroyed me and I'm heartbroken I never for a second see this coming and certainly not 11 months into a marriage after being together for 10 year now in total. She had a slight nervous breakdown due to stress of new job etc and she hasn't been the same since and I worry this is clouding her mind. All I want is to help her and fix this but when I try to.talk to her she shuts me out and goes silent and that frustrates me.

Has anyone had a similar experience and can help me understand the situation or offer any advice as to what I should do? Yes it's a 10 year relationship and we know own each other well but marriage is new to both of us and I just don't know how to deal with all of this.

Sorry for the long winded post and if you made it this far I hope you're willing to offer up so. Words of wisdom. Thanks in advance to anyone who offers advice.
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Old 15th May 2016, 07:39 PM   #2
ralfgarnett
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,076
Re: Heartbroken & Need advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gary123 View Post
Hi everyone, new to the forum and 1st time poster. I need advice or help for those of you with a bit more experience than myself. I married my partner last year after being together 9 years. We have always had an amazing relationship and only once did we ever had a serious fall out (about 7 years ago) that resulted in her staying with her parents for 2 weeks. So my problem is.....

We married last year in Spain a dream we both shared we had the most amazing time and joined by 40 friends/family it was perfect. We did have some problems on the lead up to the wedding we lost a family member & my wife sold her business that was no longer profitable other than that it was a smooth ride. No jitters, no panic or last minute rethinks etc just the perfect wedding. Since we have returned home my wife started a new job that has seen her working 90+ hours per week as it involves wedding planning, events etc so we haven't had much time together to build this new married life (other than a trio to Vegas in November 15) just around a month that ago my wife told me she didn't feel she was in love anymore and that we never do anything together. I explained that all I want to do is spend time together and that her job as much as I support it is a new issue in that she has no real free time. She has since moved to her parents 2 weeks ago and has said her feeling are still the same and that her priorities have changed and she's not sure if that will ever change back. It has absolutely destroyed me and I'm heartbroken I never for a second see this coming and certainly not 11 months into a marriage after being together for 10 year now in total. She had a slight nervous breakdown due to stress of new job etc and she hasn't been the same since and I worry this is clouding her mind. All I want is to help her and fix this but when I try to.talk to her she shuts me out and goes silent and that frustrates me.

Has anyone had a similar experience and can help me understand the situation or offer any advice as to what I should do? Yes it's a 10 year relationship and we know own each other well but marriage is new to both of us and I just don't know how to deal with all of this.

Sorry for the long winded post and if you made it this far I hope you're willing to offer up so. Words of wisdom. Thanks in advance to anyone who offers advice.
Oh god help you pal, read my thread and you may gain some insight but I'm no expert and cut too ribbons also, good luck matey your going to need it, be as strong and as open as you can and brace yourself for the hard times ahead, will you get through unscathed ? I doubt it but you will get through probably Donald Ducked in the loaf same as me and soooooooooooo many others, good luck chummy keep posting, I / we will do what we / I can to help you, if you have faith keep praying if not talk to as many people you can that wish to help and listen.
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Old 16th May 2016, 12:31 PM   #3
Gary123
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Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 3
Re: Heartbroken & Need advice

Heads a total mess it's been the worst few weeks of my life. To make mattersure worse this date last year is the day we flew out to Spain 1 week before we got married so this next 2 weeks of going to be a huge uphill battle for me mentally & emotionally.
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Old 16th May 2016, 09:26 PM   #4
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Heartbroken & Need advice

Every time I hear those words about not being in love anymore I can't help wondering whether she has met someone else in this new job. It's an avenue you could check into.

Maybe she is overworked and would need to work less for you to be together more. That simple really but something else is happening here I think. It could be something to do with the small breakdown. If it is that you would need to bide your time. It takes a lot of patience if someone has temporarily lost their equilibrium. Her parents would know the real reason I think as it is likely she would have shared with them. Do you know the parents well enough to sound it out a bit?
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Old 19th May 2016, 03:19 PM   #5
Gary123
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Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 3
Re: Heartbroken & Need advice

I know 100% it's not someone else that is definite. I know her parents as well as I know my own and they to are at a loss about what has happened. I have met her parents unbeknown to her (at there request) as they wanted clarity also. Everyone close to us us worried about her and cant make sense of it. All I can do is allow her space to clear her head and hope that it happens sooner rather than later. The hardest part is that our 1st Anniversary is on the 24th and my birthday follows soon after and we won't celebrate either together for the 1st time since we met.
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Old 20th May 2016, 09:53 AM   #6
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Heartbroken & Need advice

That is probably the answer Gary. Give her time, leave the door open and don't push. It could be something to do with the breakdown. It is very hard for you but patience is the answer.

One point she did make is that you never spend any time together. Maybe this got to her in the end. That isn't your fault if she was working such long hours but somehow you may have grown apart?

Maybe she can get some counseling? It almost sounds like she has given up. Is she still working?
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