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Old 1st September 2005, 02:23 PM   #16
woodywasp
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Unhappy Re: advice needed please

I sent my solicitor a email, like I said, she has replied to me and told me just to keep a note of any events which occur in the future and that also she will keep a copy of my email in my file. solicitor also seemed to feel that involving the Police might well inflame the situation further . I did not sleep too well last night and seemed to turn over a thousand thoughts in my head. I guess I am a bit of a dreamer , a wishful thinker the reality of the situation has hit home hard and I am missing my Wife like crazy and find myself wanting her to ring me, wanting her to contact me anything would be better than this terrible isolation that I am feeling at the moment. I have never been very good on my own but dont feel that jumping into bed with the first available person that comes along is the answer. I am hurting inside and the pain of it all seems never ending. I dont ever recall feeling so down or having such feelings of both depression and such low self esteem. Why wont these feelings leave me alone. What disturbs me more is that my wife knows how I feel about her and our children, knows how I dont cope well on my own and yet she has not made any attempt to see how I am doing. Am I just been selfish? because I also know that she has to think of herself and learn how to cope with her depression. I just wish I knew I was doing the right thing by leaving her alone and waiting for her to come to me. I am scared that if I dont contact her that she may well think , that I am not interested in her and that if I cant be bothered then she may think why should she. Gosh this is so confusing why cant life be simple?

Last edited by woodywasp; 1st September 2005 at 03:55 PM.
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Old 1st September 2005, 10:43 PM   #17
woodywasp
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Re:Help wanted please

Received legal aid forms today.I am still in the mind that I dont want a Divorce but equally I am not happy leaving the situation as it is. Patience is not my strobg point I briefly saw my Wife again this evening she looked really smart and a lot better than she has looked for a long time in herself. We did not speak I passed her in my car what I would like to know is how do I start a dialogue with her or get her to contact me so that we have a chance of sorting this awful mess out?????????? I am not supposed to speak to her and I dont have her phone number and if I send her a letter she will probably just tear it up and I tried that at the beginning in any event. I managed to catch a quick glimpse of my son as she walked along the street he looked well enough and as I have said so did she. I just dont know where to go from here? Any suggestions would be most welcome as I am at a complete loss. Her family dislike me , she has refused to talk to me and yet I know she has my number. and I cant write to her. Our friends that we had together have split and gone into separate camps so I am at a loss what to do. I am really stuck. I seem to have read everything under the sun. Would it be a good idea to get my solicitor to send her drivers lisence on and other personal documents or will this give out the wrong message I just want her to discuss things with me even if she is not prepared to come home. Any advice on this matter would be most appreciated please help

Last edited by woodywasp; 2nd September 2005 at 10:45 PM.
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Old 4th September 2005, 03:27 PM   #18
woodywasp
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Re: advice needed

Me again I have kept well away from my Wife over the last few days I seen to have seen her more though than in the last month . today I was shopping and guess who walked into the store my wife!

I spoke to her for the first time in weeks I told her I did not want any hassle and that I was just buying some shirts for work. Her reaction? She attempted to call someone on her mobile and then called a store worker over and said I was hassling her!!!!! she actually asked them to call the Police I ended up with no shirts and ended up leaving the store.I guess at least I know where I stand now.
How do you deal with something like this???? I should be allowed to shop where I want I did not intentionally end up in the same store as her but this seems to keep happening.. I have decided to start shopping elsewhere but I do feel like she is playing some sort of weird game. As always advice would be welcome
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Old 5th September 2005, 05:27 PM   #19
Kate
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Re: advice needed

Dear Woodywasp,

As Liz said a while ago, the best thing is surely to avoid your wife. That doesn't mean you can't go to that store - but you don't have to say anything to her, just ignore her. From what you say she is determined to take whatever you say the wrong way so don't talk to her. If you don't speak to her then she has nothing to complain about.

Kate
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Old 8th September 2005, 12:22 AM   #20
woodywasp
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Re: advice needed

I have tried to avoid my wife at all costs but it seems whereever I go she turns up I was arrested on Monday morning on an alleged offence of harrassment . I have had to get a criminal solictor involved now to protect myself against these allegations which I have strenuously denied. I was in scotland no350 miles away at one of the times I am accused of harrassing her. I cannot understand what is going through her head or why she hates me so much but ultimately I have had to get my solicitor to write to her to get her to back off and I have also had to instruct criminal solicitors.

I have decided to move on with my life and to let her go there is nothing left to fight for anymore in any event and I cannot change her mind so why bother trying when all she seems to do is cause me problems and hurt me further.
I would like to thank you all for your advice I have found most of it useful and I am now going to go through with the divorce as I feel I have no other option otherwise I am going to end up going down for something which I have not done
Once again Kate , Liz Jools and everyone else who has offered advice to me thank you from the bottom of my heart
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Old 3rd November 2005, 11:02 PM   #21
woodywasp
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Re: advice needed

I am so confused now I dont know what to do! I put in for a divorce but it has been terribly slow to get started then I was arrested , then taken to court and accussed of been a mafia boss and a member of a organised crime family just becuase my mother is italian I had to stand and watch as the police went through my house and searched it . All this becuase I decided to move on and served my wife with divorce papers , who then becmae very vindictive. Eventually got to see my son for one hour every 2 weeks, My Wife changed her telephone number , moved house and I have not seen her to speak to since august although I have seen her drop my son off at a contact centre. I met someone else but just my luck she was married I have posted another thread about that one. I am terrified I am going to end up homeless with the divorce and just to top things off I have found out recently I have cancer of the thyroid and I am having treatment for that, sometimes it feels like it does not rain but ours down. At least now the poolice have let me go and have told me that my wife has been warned about her conduct . Now I am not allowed to speak to her , communicate in anyway and have had to give an undertaking to that effect till the middle of january. I have also found out my son has been in hospital but yet cant seem to find out why even though I have asked solicitor to look into it. I have been on my own since July now and although the pain has eased with time I still have nightmares and wake up in the early hours wondering what is going to happen to me . Perhaps I am just been soft
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Old 8th November 2005, 01:46 AM   #22
woodywasp
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Re: advice needed

Things seem to have gone bad for worse I placed my trust in someone else only to find out they have lied to me, MY wife drove past my house on Saturday and then later followed me to my mothers house , then waited till I came out and followed me nearly 10 miles she overtook me and braked sharply I stopped my car for a few minutes and she got out she started to walk towards me and I found myself driving off in a different direction. I dare not speak to her this would be a breach of an undertaking I givve to court. I would love to be able to sit down and have a chat with her but cant I am not allowed I gave my word to the court. Ironically to say she wanted a divorce she has not returned any of the papers as yet and I dont know if she has intentions of doing so. I agreed that she could divorce me on cross decrees yet she has not retuened the papers at all although her solicitor does have them so I am at a loss to what is actually going on at the moment. I expect I will get the papers back in the next few days and that I am living on false hope really.
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Old 28th November 2005, 07:20 PM   #23
Liz
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Re: advice needed

Dear Woodywasp

Sorry not to have responded sooner. I wonder what has been happening since you last posted. Have you had the papers through yet?

I hope that you haven't had any more odd incidents with your wife. you could get your solicitor to write to her and suggest that she stop harassing you.

Liz
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Old 6th December 2005, 01:37 PM   #24
woodywasp
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Re: advice needed

Hi Liz

Things have moved on dramtically since I last posted a update on the website, try as I may I was unable to resolve the issues between my Wife and I and eventually decided to proceed with a divorce, my Wife to exception to this and cross petitioned and our respective solicitors advised us both this was the way forward, However my wife decided then not to put her forms forward. I did not respond to this at all and just kept myself to myself and after 4 weeks she finally signed and put her forms in yesterday. No more trouble has occured she has not made any more accusations against me although she was warned by the Police for Harrassment. As for myself my health improved significantly and I get to see my son once a fortnight for a hour. I am not looking forward to Christmas but do feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have met someone else but my new partner has her own problems to worry about as she has started to go through a divorce after leaving her husband of 20 years the only problem is she works with him in the family business but I take each day as it comes and I have already told her I will not rush into anything but I enjoy her company very much. All that is left now ids to pay the solicitor and brace myself for the financial side of the divorce to be sorted out. I am scared of losing my home as I owned this before getting married , solicitor who is acting for me offers no guarantees I will not lose my home and has already told me this will cost me financially as well as emotionally. I have also taken the important step of seeing a councillor to discuss the way I feel about all of this , someone suggested I should go and talk to someone after changing my job , becoming a Father and finding out I had Thyroid cancer the divorce was just another stress causer and so I have sat and confided in a councillor about the way I feel which I think has helped me in many ways. As for my Wife well the last time I saw her was 4 weeks ago she was leaving the contact centre where I see my son, She did not see me and I kept myself out of her view . I just feel it is better that she does not see me as if I am not in her line of vision she cannot hurt me anymore than what she has done
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Old 12th March 2006, 02:23 PM   #25
woodywasp
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Re: advice needed

I received my devree Nisi last week how quickly this seems to have come through. I still miss my wife but know that there is no going back we have not spoken now since before christmas. In fact the last time I spoke to my Wife directly was last August. I guess I have no right to question her anyway after I had a disastrous relationship on the rebound I have stayed on my own. Last week I saw my wife at the contact centre with my Son as She left I realised that she was with another man saying he was another man is strictly not true he was about 23 wearing a baseball cap and a track suit . I dont know why but I felt very sad and hurt is this a natural reaction or am I Just been stupid ?????????
I never did find out what I did wrong in the marriage and I really feel like I did my upmost to save it but to no avail.
I still have limited contact with my son and only see him for 1 and 1/2 hours a fortnight although I have just started court proceedings to get my access extended . I just dont know where to turn at the moment I have been out with another woman a few times this one is single I might add but my head is still in a tiz all these months later any advice would be most welcome
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Old 13th March 2006, 01:58 PM   #26
Liz
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 662
Re: advice needed

Dear Woodywasp,

So many unanswered questions for you. That is really difficult. I suspect you may never get answers to some of the questions.

I don't think it's surprising that you have strong feelings when you see your wife with someone else. When a marriage is ended in this way - it is painful. There is rejection, bereavement and confusion.
I am glad that you are managing to see your son and I hope that contact is extended for your and his sake.

You may well be feeling lonely, but would it not be wise to tread carefully before getting involved with anyone. Surely it would be better to give yourself time to grieve and come to terms with what has happened before getting emotionally involved again. You don't have to stay at home, just don't rush anything.

Are you still going to counselling or is that finished now? How are your other children getting on?

Keep in touch

Liz
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