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Old 27th January 2008, 09:26 PM   #1
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Posts: 4
I Need Help Bad

Let me first start by saying that me and my wife meet in 1977 in school we dated the last 2 years of school and then got marryed in 1979. Everything was fine i have not enjoyed being with anyone more then i have her. Well in 1982 i started seeing a change in her she would come home from work and get right in the bath tub and take the phone with her this went on for awhile her still doing the same thing i would ask her if anything was wrong and she would say no but i knew there was. So one day i got off work early and went and got a thing to hook up to the phone and when someone picks up the reciver it starts recording. I had it all hooked up by the time she got home and she done the same thing got in the tub and had the phone so i went outside until she got out of the tub and made sure she was off the phone so i got the tape out of the recorder and went to my car and listened to the tape. And everything i was thinking came true at that point sure enough she was talking to her boss where she works and they was making plans to be together. So i confrunted her about it and i let her listen to the tape and she said that was not her talking anyway we ended up separating over it no deviroce and one day she called wanting to get back together so we did.

Everything was fine for a couple more years and then out of the blue she desides she wants a deviorce so she filed and we went out own way although it almost killed me the one time i really felt like killing myself so i finally got over her alittle and in around 11 months she started leaving notes on my door saying she missed me and wanted to talk so as much as i loved her i did and we got back together and remarryed and then.

December 13, 2006 we had a spat about me having to wait on her so long after she got off work because she wanted to stand and talk to her freinds so when we got home i asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said yes so i did and the next day i tryed everything to get her to let me caome back and she would not there was nothing i could say or do to change her mind i begged her for a couple days didnt work i never talked to her or even seen her until October 30 2007 she never did file for deviorce or anything she called my work wanting me to call her i did she wanted to meet and talk after work we meet and i asked her what she wanted she wanted to get back together although she had been living with a guy while we was apart much younger then her and was abusing her not fisacally so like a stupid person i took her back. Now we went out and rented a trailer and everthing together and then tuesday she said she was going to go and stay with her mom acouple days because we was having some trouble with our grandson and she wanted to be around him i sad ok thats cool i thought she would be home thursday after work but that didnt happen so i decided to take a ride and i went by the guys house she was living with before and sure enough her car was there and i havent seen her since her whole family has called her fussing and my son went off on her.

Now this time it is hurting so bad and i dont know what to do i havent felt like this any of the other times and the bad thing is the day she left she left a note and telling me she loved me and there was not anyone one else and she would be back. But its hurting me so bad because i dont know what to do all i do is sit around and cry cant sleep or eat i sit and look out the window just hoping i see her car coming but i know its not. I just love her so much
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Old 27th January 2008, 10:03 PM   #2
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Re: I Need Help Bad

Sorry i just seen i post in the wrong forum
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Old 28th January 2008, 05:15 AM   #3
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Re: I Need Help Bad


You are a drug addict and your wife is the drug. The drama is HIGH when you are together and she pulls your strings. Then she finds a way to escape for awhile with some other guy and you hit the bottom and are sick and miserable and go through withdrawal. Then when you are OK and she needs help she wants you back. When you are together the misery starts alll over again. What you feel is the co-dependency and that drama going on is not love. You love the image you have of her but she is not that person. No one who loved YOU would treat you with such disrespect. She lies and treats you as if you were not too bright. C,mon, you got the picture of what is going on there! Her note she WOULD BE BACK..throw that in the fire. Change your locks and put a NOT welcome sign in your window. Never, ever be the dumping place for this woman who cares only about herself.

I suspect that she cannot do well finacially on her own so has to have somebody to hold her up. If the affairs wear out, she is back to you and you carry half the burden until she finds another way out. This is what you term a CO-dependent relationship. You sound like a nice man who needs to cold turkey away from this sick situation. Start counting your blessings that she may be gone to someone else and start being responsible for some healing and getting OVER this.

You are an endangered species ..a decent man who can love and give of himself and that is rare today. Please join a co-dependent group, a church group or get some counselling from someone who will tell you what I am telling you. Consider this woman as POISON and do not take another dose even when the current boyfriend kicks her to the curb or knocks her silly. You have family members who care about you and they don't want to see this go on either. Be a good example for your childen, grandchildren and step away without anger or revenge and get on with your life.

There is life after divorce and life after a bad marriage gets out of your system. Love yourself enough to demand someone treat you better.
I wish you a happier life.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 28th January 2008 at 08:57 AM.
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Old 28th January 2008, 12:13 PM   #4
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Re: I Need Help Bad

Thanks 1aokgal i know everything you say is true i do just need to walk away and never look back the time she was gone for 11 months i was well on my way to getting over her i really didnt care if i seen her or not but my girl sent me a text message saying her mom wanted to talk to me so like a dummy i told her to tell her mom to call me she did and she was crying and wanted to know if we could meet somewhere and talk she wanted to ask me for her forgiveness although she asked everyone in her family to. So i feel for her again.

It has been 7 days now since i have seen or talked to her and i know thats a good thing because the more time goes by the easyer it will be i have gave her mom a letter to give her if she every seen her again and she said she mailed one to me but when i get it it will go in the trash because i dont want to read it. My grandson is taking this hard because he was really happy when we got back together because when she was living with that guy he didnt get to see her any and when we was together it was like 3 or 4 times a week and it breaks my heart to see him like that but i go up there everyday and spend time with him and i think that helps both of us.

I think maybe this time it will wake me up. The only thing i worry about is trying to keep from loosing everything i have by not being able to pay for it but we will see how that goes.
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Old 7th February 2008, 10:44 PM   #5
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Re: I Need Help Bad


Believe me when I say if you lost every material thing you ever accumulated this all can be restored in time. What can never be restored is your self esteem, your good health, your faith that someone loves you in a right and decent way. There are so many women who wish there was a good man like you in life for them. These are God fearing women who know the moral way of life and want a chance to find a partner and lover. You need to get over this woman now. Do not be there when she wants to pull your string.

You need to find your dignity again and not allow someone to beat you into the ground. You do not need another man's leavings and this woman who swore she would love you until death do you part has broken every trust with you. This woman is POISON. I am sure the latest lover/boyfriend will kick her to the curb. She may already be crawling back to your bed. She can't make it on her own and she is HIGH on the drama she creates. Listen, love is quiet and caring and, though there is passion, it is about the love that is in the eyes and the heart. Your right chosen partner would NEVER leave your side.

You made a mistake and she is an addiction when you care about someone and jeopardize your own well being. It is all about her. Is there alcohol here involved? The woman is not wired tight it seems. You do the right thing and give stability to children, grandchildren and don't let this woman do you over again. Enough is enough. Where is your backbone?

Make a point to ask God to give you the insight to do the right thing. You will love again and choose someone with moral character. stay clear of her family and any connection except the children. When you go to meet another person in your life be very selective. You are a good man and belongings can be replaced in time.

Don't shop in clubs or bars..look to someone who has decent values to introduce you to an acquaintance or join a church with single class for over 40. I want to see you happy and not shredded and miserable. Things can be replaced. Bite the bullet and spend the money for a good lawyer and kiss her off!

Last edited by 1aokgal; 7th February 2008 at 10:52 PM.
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Old 29th November 2008, 08:23 PM   #6
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Posts: 4
Re: I Need Help Bad

1aokgal i hope your still around and i know it has been awhile since i have been but i thought i would stop by and just update what has been going on.

Since the last time i posted here she did go back to this same guy. And i did loose everything i worked for. So the time she was gone i moved back in with my mom and dad that was a treat to all those years away from home and then moving back in. Anyway the months went by then in April i got this phone call from her mother saying she needed to see me and wanted me come over so i did but just as soon as i toped the hill i seen my wifes car setting in the driveway so i went on anyway just to see what was going on I walked into her house my wife was setting there and her mom said look who is back and wanted me to hug her but i didnt i just sat down. I did ask her if she was going back and she no that was it the other guy told her he didnt want to see her again.

So in the meantime her mom said we could move in with her and we did started going to church every sunday then one sunday i seen she was crying and when the time came she went to the front of the church i didnt want her to be there by herself so i went up with her along with my grandson and her mother and brother so she got saved and in the meantime she layed her head on my shoulder and said this is where she wanted to be and god that made me feel so good.

So in the meantime we got to talking at home and she said she wanted to move back to florida now i work for Wal-Mart Distubition Center and can transfer to any of them. So i put in my transfer we drove down there and got a place to live and in a couple weeks we moved there. This was in June everything was going good i never seen her ack like this before but then after 3 months there she started acting different so it went on and then she came out and said she wanted to move back now if i had been smart i would have told her to get in the car and go on but i didnt she said she was missing our grandkids. So we moved back but she was still acting funny and i thought i knew what it was. Sure enough she had been talking to this guy again on the phone and going and cleaning his house for him so on Thanksgiving day i told her to get her cloths and get out but she stayed around all day then about 8:30 she came in the bedroom and said she was getting her cloths and leaving. After she got her stuff in her car she walked over to me like i was going to hold her or something and i kissed her on the top of her head and i told her there was not going to be any tears shead this time. So now im ready to move on all the feelings i had for her is gone now.
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