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Old 14th August 2011, 05:28 PM   #1
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Help to heal

I've been dealing with the fallout of a marriage ending in the worlds worst divorce. I am trying to hold it together personally for my child, but feel close to coming apart. Discovering my wife's affair was hurtful enough, having to finance it for a year and reviewing the credit card statements seeing how she was buying extravagant things on the card then presumably returning them for cash is mind blowing. It is the cold calculating planning for the end of our marriage for so long that I can't seem to let go. I have never hurt so badly or felt worse about myself. Never been so lost. I don't know how to make my life feel right again.
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Old 14th August 2011, 06:23 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,408
Re: Help to heal

Greetings Nickey,

I am so sorry for your pain and outrage. Women do have more of a tendency to plan their exits long in advance because many of them are not in a financial position to just up and go. This adds to the pain and deception, since it leaves you clueless, financially responsible for debts you did not know about, and without the luxury of the time it would have taken to get help for the marriage.

The best advice I can give is for you to envision yourself five years from now, with all things settled and in the past and with a new life ahead of you. Nothing remains the same, no, not even the pain....I know, because my ex husband did pretty much the same, except he did not have someone else on the side...just wanted out and planned it to the "T".
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Old 14th August 2011, 07:03 PM   #3
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Posts: 5,794
Re: Help to heal

I am so sorry for that you have been through.An affair is such a traumatic thing to cope with, the worst betrayal, and the money things as well must have been horrible.
All I can say is that my husband and I, and others here, have been through marriage break ups, cheating, betrayal, lying and decieving etc and have come through. It takes time and cant really be rushed, but my husband and I can honestly say that we have never been happier. Its now 12 years since my marriage ended and 10 years since the divorce, and for my husband it is 6 1/2 years since his divorce.There is life after divorce believe me.
You asked for prayers, so I dont know if that means that you are a Christian, but if not, God has been an amazing help and support to me over the years.

Also have you heard of the divorce recovery workshops? They are run all over the world and consist of a 6 week course for those who have been through divorce or marriage break up,
Many find them very helpful, and its also good to meet with others who are going through similar.
Their website is if you are in the UK.You can see if there is one near you. I expect they will start in September.
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