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Old 30th November 2012, 09:58 PM   #16
chosen
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Re: Flirty husband

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Originally Posted by Lost View Post
Yes. thank you so much Chosen.
I need to be much wiser..
Dont we all
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Old 1st December 2012, 07:18 AM   #17
Helen_uk
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Re: Flirty husband

You never really know a person until you have to live with them , so in the courting stage you have to trust your instincts . Sadly , some people are experts at covering up their true personalities .

That's not your fault lilieme , why would you have had reason to distrust him if he wasn't showing you his true self ?

I can only agree with what everyone here has said. I can foresee lots of heartache down the line if this can't be sorted now , and turning his behaviours onto you and making it all about YOUR trust issues is a really bad sign.

Time for you to lay down some boundaries of acceptable behaviour with the opposite sex for him, and if he won't have it........... I can't see a good outcome.

Helen
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Old 1st December 2012, 09:15 AM   #18
lilieme
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Re: Flirty husband

@lost: do you have the same story with me?
I also think that I'm a fool and for sure i need to be wiser...

@Helen: thank you for comforting me It really means a lot especially when now i can only blame myself for not seeing this could happen. I mean how could I know? I feel like an idiot. And how could marriage and love only last for one year? it's really bad..

now it's really hurt but also hard to just ask for separation. I'd really like to work things out. i'm ready to forgive him if he just promise that he knew his fault and won't do it again. But unfortunately he himself didn't think that he did any mistake. that it's all in my mind. When I told him that the girl is not a good person seeing from the way she acted around men and around my husband, seeing from her texts, he stands in her side instead of agreeing with me. he said it's just the way she makes friend and I can't force someone to make friend like the way I make friend. can you believe it?

i feel like I'm stuck in here. But I think I have to hold on like Raymond said, wait and see how it will develop so at least I will have a very strong reason to ask for a separation, because I have a really good relationship with his family..
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Old 1st December 2012, 09:43 AM   #19
Lost
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Re: Flirty husband

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@lost: do you have the same story with me?
I also think that I'm a fool and for sure i need to be wiser...

i feel like I'm stuck in here. But I think I have to hold on like Raymond said, wait and see how it will develop so at least I will have a very strong reason to ask for a separation, because I have a really good relationship with his family..
lilieme

Mine had went on for years without my knowledge. Cheating / porn use / internet dating / office fling seem all too common amongst men. These men seem to think sex outside marriage is OK as it's only sex (not a commitment / emotional attachment). Women suffer so much in marriage where cheating is taking place. I became ill..and didn't know why and I blamed myself etc but my instinct was right and far more accurate.

It's not like I am an unattractive woman (but he made me feel like I was). He just wanted another "bad girl" in crime to have wild sex with. Some men (at times women) are never satisfied with one, I hate to say this.

Helen is right. You h sounds like unremourseful.
Your reaction is very common and not at all unusual. I did the same thing - over years in my case! These husbands probably sense (like an "animal") that their wives will stick with them as they're not independent enough. (Yes, they can be so calculating..they know their risks) Do you work? Do you have a set of friends who can support you through this?

Have a nice weekend.

Last edited by Lost; 1st December 2012 at 09:53 AM. Reason: typo
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Old 1st December 2012, 11:37 AM   #20
lilieme
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Re: Flirty husband

@lost: I'm so sorry to hear that. Mind if I ask you, are you still in your marriage now? or got separated already? Do you have children? I don't think I can be tough enough if I face your problem. my husband only flirt and prepare gift for this woman and I think I'm going crazy already
I work and since we don't have any kid yet, I think I'm okay if we get separated. I only think my family will face harder times because my hometown is a small town and people are mean enough to spread gossip and talk about people. If I ever get a divorce for only married for 1 year I will for sure hurt my mother more than myself and I love her so much.
But to continue live with him and someday see him cheat on me won't be good either. For now I really think I want to do something, I want to hurt him back the same way he hurt me and see if that will work and make him understand. I'm not unattractive either. When we're still dating he was so possesive because he was really afraid that other man would took me from him, but of course I'm faithful to him. And now he does this to me, he makes me really angry and it's hard to believe. It's like he fooled me, like raymond said he got me in the bag
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Old 1st December 2012, 04:16 PM   #21
Forever
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Re: Flirty husband

Perhaps you should tell your mother about the details found in the texting and him preparing gifts for that OW... and then see if she would want you to stay with such a man?!! Does she not love you enough that she would to expect you to stay with him just because you live in a small town and other people would gossip?

No, your mother would not want you to suffer "for her" in this way would she? How can you be worried about gossip coming from people who do not know the truth??? Are those people having to live the hurt that you are feeling? Are they going to help you?
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Old 1st December 2012, 04:37 PM   #22
lilieme
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Re: Flirty husband

yes I'm sure if I ever tell my mother about this she would want me to leave.. She might teach my husband a lesson also hehehe... I understand what you mean forever and thanks for your concern It's happy to know that there are many people out there who still care, and have good moral. I'm sick to think how nowadays people have no moral and no respect for others
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Old 1st December 2012, 04:51 PM   #23
Forever
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Re: Flirty husband

Just have a nice visit with your mother and show her all of this....everything that was said on this marriage forum to you...she will be VERY supportive to you and advise you what to do.

And do NOT lower yourself to act like those women and your husband does...the Good Lord would not want you to do that. He will give you a loving husband and a family some day when this is over. Making your husband jealous will not make him stop what he does...he has one set of rules for you and no rules for himself.

Kindest Regards
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Old 1st December 2012, 06:50 PM   #24
Lost
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Re: Flirty husband

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He will give you a loving husband and a family some day when this is over. Making your husband jealous will not make him stop what he does...he has one set of rules for you and no rules for himself.

Kindest Regards
I won't have that sort of Hope (to find another "Man"). I thought about this but it's too tricky...it's good that I'm old enough not to be too concerned about having "a man" in my life. I don't mean to butt in. No offense..

It looks like everyone around me is telling me "Oh I had a divorce, oh I am having a divorce, separated now etc etc" Why government not helping us?
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Old 1st December 2012, 07:42 PM   #25
Forever
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Re: Flirty husband

Hi Lost,
She is quite young unlike us... and should be able to keep the "hope" for herself that you have thrown away. I surely understand how you could feel that way though! She, on the other hand, should not envision herself as a lifelong reject when there are so many years left ahead of her to live....there are many of us here who went on after suffering terrible things in their fifties to have a great marriage...so there is surely hope for someone of her younger age too.

Perhaps there is something in the culture that they were brought up in that makes "those men" think that they can continue to troll around after securing themselves a wife? Can you imagine what they would do if their wives acted so despicably?

She will have to give her future hopes over to God and wait for Him to bring about a better relationship and better days and years ahead. Meanwhile, her husbands plans were to secure a cute little hottie for himself, get her pregnant (thinking no one would want her henceforth), and then play around. This would drive any woman mad.
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Old 1st December 2012, 07:52 PM   #26
Lost
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Re: Flirty husband

Yes, of course, I knew what you meant.
As I said, no offense..

Perhaps, I am on rebound whatever the age.
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Old 1st December 2012, 08:33 PM   #27
Forever
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Re: Flirty husband

Naa...you just are terribly jaded right now and understandably so.

But once you get your mind wrapped around the idea that the Lord can "restore the years that the "locust" have eaten", then you can be full of hope once again...unless being bitter and self protecting appeals to you more...then you will be your own worst enemy.

There are good/faithful men "out there"...and you do NOT need to "kiss a bunch of frogs before you find a Prince" to get one...not recommended if you really wanted a good man as opposed to another potential scum bag. All you need to do is to tell the Lord that you do not want to be embittered anymore, or alone for the rest of your life...He will do the rest when He sees that you are ready to let go of any bitterness.

A good/worthy man would not want a jaded woman with tons of baggage to wade through. You need to work through your sorrows and come out of all that pain as a whole person once again.

Even if you do have health issues, a good man will be able to see you through those because he will value the person you are inside...but he wont even get to see the lovely person you once were if you are cranking on and on about how your ex did you wrong, or how scummy men are in general (even if what you think is true for many of them...maybe even most now days). That is an indication that you have not "moved on" to a better state of mind. But you are not wanting the "average man" who does the evil things so many do...so you need to trust the Lord to fill that desire if you ever get to that place.



Kindest Regards
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Old 1st December 2012, 08:34 PM   #28
chosen
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Re: Flirty husband

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Originally Posted by Lost View Post
Yes, of course, I knew what you meant.
As I said, no offense..

Perhaps, I am on rebound whatever the age.
Lost, after my marriage ended after 23 years, when I was 43, it was 3 or 4 years before I could think of meeting another guy. Two years after that, at age 49, I met and married my husband. That was 7 years ago now.
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Old 1st December 2012, 09:38 PM   #29
Lost
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Re: Flirty husband

Chosen

What a lovely message which delighted me.
You are light in the darkness.

Thank you so much.
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Old 1st December 2012, 09:56 PM   #30
chosen
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Re: Flirty husband

Thank you lost. There is life after divorce. It takes time, but I have never been happier as an adult as I am now.
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