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Old 30th November 2006, 01:10 AM   #1
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Unhappily married to wrong person

I married 4 years ago, but have been unhappy with my husband for about 3 years. I put my unhappiness down to pregnancy hormones, as I have since had 2 children, but the unhappiness, frustration and dissatisfaction has only increased. We are both Christians, which somehow makes it harder. We believe marriage should be for life, but the thought of spending the rest of my life with someone I can hardly stand the sight of, has driven me to drinking rather more heavily than I ought. The heartache of not knowing what to do for the best has caused me months of despair. My husband is not abusive. He has his faults, but so do I. I feel unhappy with him because we are too different in personality. I married him because I was scared of being left 'on the shelf' as I approached 40, but I believe I have married someone unsuitable. I thought I loved him when I married him, but now I most certainly do not.
The upshot is I asked him to move out of the marital home after 3 1/2 years of marriage, and we officially separated. We had been to The Marriage Course at a local church, which highlighted where the problem areas were, but it didn't help much. I came in for some criticism from people in the church, who felt that I ought to stay with my husband and that I ought to love him with Christian love if I couldn't love him naturally. Their criticism, though well-intentioned, only made me feel even more guilty. Someone suggested that I wasn't considering my children's feelings, but I felt that it was better for them not to live in a stressful and unhappy environment.
Since the separation, I have moved with my children to another part of the country. However, I feel that I am not coping on my own, and the children are still in a stressful environment because of that. I have considered asking my husband to move back in for their sakes, but I know that I would not be any happier, and in fact I would feel 'taken over' by his presence in the house again. I don't know what to do for the best. The thought of spending the rest of my life living with him makes me feel wretched. Marriage is not supposed to be a prison, but how often it becomes a prison.
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