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Old 12th December 2008, 08:40 AM   #1
Jackie
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Unhappy Advice needed on whether should let husband come on holiday with us.

HI, this is my first post. Eight weeks ago I found out that my husband of 18 years and close friend had been having an affair for 5 months. First my husband wanted to keep us together but as he missed the contact with OW he said he wasn't sure. Now 8 weeks later he has moved out as he doesn't know whether he wants me, her or neither. He says he doesn't love me like he used to and that we have grown apart. Nine weeks ago I thought we had a good life; no arguments, no health problems, no money problems, lovely house. Why did he not communicate these worries with me. I would quite happily let him stay in the pub with my friend talking as she was having marriage problems and has since kicked her husband out leaving the way clear for mine. I trusted them both completely. What an idiot I have been. Needless to say she is no longer my friend and I have not spoken to her since. We live in the same village which is v difficult as I am bound to bump into her and if they continue with this relationship one of us will have to move.

We have had a joint counselling session which brought it all to a head and he could not commit to not contact this OW for 2 weeks whilst away on a holiday over Christmas. I therefore asked him to move out which he did. He is now spending some time on his own, no doubt emailing and texting OW but he is also doing the same to me as we have two children. I am cutting down the contact but it is very hard. In fact when I do speak to him it makes me worse as it brings it all back how he could do this to me.

I have said he cannot come away with us and he said he would not contact her for the 2 weeks but now that he has been gone for a week I don't want to spend 2 weeks away, seeing him all day then in January to be cut off from him again which will be like starting again. Very painful. But should I let him come for our girls, they are older at 14 and 16 but they still would like him there. I am dreading January when we come back as I am not working now as we have a business together but since he moved out last week I have said that is it, I'm not going in again. I cannot help keeping a shred of hope that he will come to his senses and realise he has made a mistake. i wish I could stop this as it stops me from moving on but I don't really want to move on fully yet. He is not talking as though he is coming back but he is not himself at the moment. He is infatuated with this woman and I cannot see what he sees in her as she is quite thick and there is no substance to her.
Anyway any comments on what I should do about the holiday. We go next Thursday and are going to Singapore and Thailand so it is a long way and have never been that far with the girls on my own before.

Last edited by Jackie; 12th December 2008 at 08:47 AM.
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affair, cheating, marriage, separation

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