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Old 28th October 2011, 02:57 PM   #1
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Hearthbroken-Husband is leaving me

I have been with my husband for 11 years, married for 4. Our relationship was fantastic and we were very much in love. We very rarely argue and he has never been anything but kind and loving towards me.
However, about a year ago I noticed he was distant. He stopped complimenting me and was much less affectionate. He didn't want sex very much and that side of our relationship continued to go downhill.
He put weight on, hated his job but if I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. He says he's not depressed.
It all came to a head a few months ago and he admitted he was unhappy in our marriage and didn't think we could fix it. I was shocked and devastated. We talked about what might be making him unhappy and I tried to change and he made an effort too. I thought things were improving.
Then he told me he was still very unhappy and didn't know why but the changes we made hadn't helped. He made an appointment to go to Relate and said I could go if I wanted but he really wanted to go initially on his own.
To cut a long story short he went once then said it was a waste of time and I just didn't make him happy anymore and although he thought he could just carry on he can't anymore and is leaving me.
He says he doesn't know why his feelings changed but he doesn't love me like a husband should although he will always love me. He says we both deserve to be happy and if anyone should be unhappy it should be me not him because I have worked so hard and do so much for him.

The current situation is we are going to sell the house and I will buy somewhere on my own and he will rent somewhere nearby to help look after our dogs who we both love dearly. We have no children out of choice.

I have told him I love him and although I would do anything to save our marriage I will let him go. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. However if he realises he has made a mistake he must tell me.

To be honest I think I'm still in shock. I can't believe someone who I love so much can hurt me like this.
I know it may sound like he has had an affair but I really don't think so. He has let himself go if anything and I pretty much know where he is all the time.

I feel such a failure and really didn't think I'd be single again at 42, just when my self confidence is at a low anyway.
Any advice on how to cope would be appreciated.

Thankyou for reading
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breakup, marriage crisis, separation

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