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Old 27th August 2011, 05:20 PM   #1
abely
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Muslim marriage general advice...

Hay

I thought I right this up as a collective advice for anyone considering Muslim spouse... I have had the delightful experience of knowing so many and knowing them inside out for few years and due to my work I have been living in few muslim countries... I do NOT advice of inter faith marriages what so ever as its hard work, but sometimes love is worth it!!.. so here is few things that you need to know before you get yourself into the crazy life ahead of you.

the first three basic things to know:
Firstly Muslims, can marry any "believer" i.e Jewish or Christian, so don't get fooled to think that you have to convert. no you dont... and he needs to respect your religion and make sure you tell him that...

2ndly in Islam, Woman has the upper hand... people find it hard to believe, but its true, Islamiclly your wedding contract only give the right to the man to have sex with you.. i.e he is "allowed" to have sex with you not own you and force you... the rest is his job, he needs to feed you cloth you and put a roof on top of your head. however culturally its different, so talk to him and know what he expects of you! and what roles you believe that you should play in this relationship...

3dly, there is no standard marriage contract, and women allowed to add anything she wants to it, Like to never ask her to convert! to only have sex on Saturday if thats what you want! what ever suits you.. and if he breaks that that then the marriage is off!! also many think in islam only man has the right to divorce which is not true, its just they have two different names for it, "Divorce" for when man asks to end the marriage and something called "khulla" when the woman asks for divorce... both has to go through a judge and nothing different between them!!
basics are over.... warning signs:

The basic rule is that muslims have strong attachment to their religion, although they might break away from that while they are young and crazy but they all kind of wake up and try to settle down and go back to their religion after ... so:
Surly the first thing is, if he is insisting to convert to islam... just tell him to go learn about his religion first then come back and talk about converting.... never do such thing unless its what you want.

If he Drinks and doesnt care about having sex before marriage then .... AVOID, if he cant keep with the basic of his religion he is not going to keep his word to you...

If he cheated on you once... rule apply to all ...AVOID, specially those young ones no matter how much he told you he loves you!

if he lives alone and family in a different country... AVOID as there is a huge chance he is just playing around away from his family's eyes, unless he is asking you to go away with him to meet them.
.... Now that you are in a relationship with him... few points that I have seen occur the most:
HE will for sure want his kids to be muslim, and will move heaven and earth for that, and I admit that i would do the same too myslef as i wont my kids to believe in what i believe, so if you are not ok about that make sure you tell him and put it in your marriage contract...

He is allowed to marry more than one, but Islam is adoptive religion, so if the country you are in doesnt allow such thing then islamiclly he is not allowed, so dont fool yourself to accept such thing. plus he cant do that unless you give him permission to do so!! madly some women do!!

if he is religious, he will probably will have an issue of you dressing immodestly specially in front of friends, so take his feeling into account, and its better for you anyway, but if you cant then just good luck!
Finally... is there any good muslims... ??? ... funnily enough, its the ones that understand their religion fully... as in islam, they see pleasing ones wife is part of the religion. and they have a saying that says (which i like):
Women are like curved fragile bone.. you might not like its curving, but if you try to straighten it, then it will break, so better give it tender and care and grow to love the way she is.
So if he actually says no to sex before marriage, he respects your religion, beside the odd discussion... and gives you your rights and looking after you you are going on the right tracks... otherwise just step back right now...

This is what I have seen from my experience, not all muslims are the same, so you need to know what you are getting into first... so ask him about all what is mentioned before and that will show his true himself, and it will give you a clear picture of what he thinks, and probably gets a shock that you know this much...

but in no mean I advice this in anyway... as i cant cope with it myself!!

Good luck.. and some times it pays to put your head before your heart!!
AB
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Old 3rd October 2011, 08:21 PM   #2
Itsasecret
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

very informative interesting read. thankyou for this
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Old 4th October 2011, 03:06 AM   #3
chosen
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

The difference is that Christisns are told by God not to marry those who arent Christians, and life has shown me that this is the most sensible advise to follow. Other wise there will always be conflict. We need to be able to share this most important part of our lives with our spouse.
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Old 4th October 2011, 06:06 PM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

Funny I was asked that today in a marriage thing we do in schools as to whether a christian can marry an atheist. My answer was that they wouldn't be travelling the same road together and so it was better that a christian should marry a christian. I didn't quote scripture as it wasn't appropriate in the setting. It was not a church.
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Old 4th October 2011, 06:25 PM   #5
Itsasecret
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

Raymond, shouldnt your answer have been based on religious scripture rather than intellect?

One difference between muslims and christians that has always struck me is the muslims stick to their holy text no matter what, while christians seem very selective about what to follow and not to follow, and they rarely bring matters back to the bible. Do christians base how they pray on how the holy bible says jesus prayed? Where do things like chocolate easter eggs come from? Havent people changed christianity? My faith in christianity is very weak these days. I know this is not the place for it by the way, but it bugs me why the bible is rarely used as a point of reference for life issues by christians
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Old 4th October 2011, 06:49 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

Most Christians that I know do read the Bible and believe it and try to live by it.
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Old 5th October 2011, 08:32 AM   #7
Raymond
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

It's a secret I was in a school with my wife and the lesson was marriage relationships. That is where they grill married couples to learn about marriage. I chose not to use scripture then as I felt it was not appropriate for the children. One of the scriptures that come to mind are "Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers"

I think maybe you need to understand that there are nominal christians who are in religion but lack the power of a living relationship with Christ and those who have come into that relationship. I agree with your comments about Easter although one can point to an egg as new life which Jesus brings to us through the cross. Having said that nature is full of visual aids to spiritual truth and Jesus used them plentifully.

Last edited by Raymond; 5th October 2011 at 08:39 AM.
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Old 5th October 2011, 02:38 PM   #8
Itsasecret
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

Raymond, you cant just take things and make your own interpretations like that with all due respect or religion becomes whatever you wnat it to be (hence why I dont follow christianity while maintaining a belief in god as the christian community is not for me).

If jesus never advocated using easter eggs, why would christians need to? Did he even pray the same way christians do now? I dont believe I have ever seen any denomination of christianity that bases their religion 100% scriptural proofs without cop out interpretions like your easter egg one.

Jesus even said he didnt come to change the law of the Jews and yet christians now eat pork and have stopped circumcisions. Lots of things I could point out but wont as this is not the place. I like to search out the truth though and wont stay silent to thins that dont add up or make sense to me. I want the truth, nothing more. I find atheism to be a joke though and always have done. You have to be spritually dead to feel that the universe is a bunch of atoms and cells
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Old 5th October 2011, 04:02 PM   #9
chosen
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

We are told in the NT that we can now eat all things. Peter was told this by God. We have also been told in the NT that boys no longer need to be circumcised. Paul writes this in his letters in the NT. We arent Jews under the Jewish law, but Christians.Jesus has set us free form all the rules and regulations that the Jews had to live by.
I totally agree that it seems impossible to believe that the universe has just come from nothing.
I too like to know the truth and ask many questions, but God has all the answers, as does the Bible.I am always questioning and asking God things, but He is fine with that. The most important thing is that he is my Heavenly Dad(The best dad ever who cares deeply for us) and He tells me that the people in the church are my spiritual family.
I really cant think that God is bothered by us eating a few chocolate eggs, just as He isnt bothered by us giving and recieving Christmas presents. He is all for celebration and festivities, as long as we remember the true meanings.
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Old 5th October 2011, 04:53 PM   #10
abely
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
I really cant think that God is bothered by us eating a few chocolate eggs, just as He isnt bothered by us giving and recieving Christmas presents. He is all for celebration and festivities, as long as we remember the true meanings.
I agree with you, but... Sure GOD is great and he is in no need for us, as its we that are in need of him, so it doesnt effect him if we eat few chocolate eggs or do what ever as HE is the allmighty, but yes he will be bothered the same way way he is bothered about how we are with one another, how we practice our religion and how we do everything in our life.

HE is the one who created us and HE is the one who created the religion for us too, and we need to follow it not just add and change what ever... so i would like to follow my religion to what is true in its book, and not what was just added here and there... and surly choclote eggs was never mentioned by god! rabbit eggs was actually an old anglo-saxon way of celeberating spring the gift of the godess Estore as they Believed!

same way as Santa father christmas figure with his big beard and red outfit was invited by coca cola!!

its just that we have something so beautiful that is from GOD... people has no right to alter or change or add to it in anyway what so ever...

anyway.. that is just what i think...
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Old 5th October 2011, 05:17 PM   #11
chosen
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

Dont think chocolate was around then, and I am sure they enjoyed the 'treats' of their day as much as we do. I dont think that God is a killjoy.
Christinity can be (wrongly)protrayed as a religion of rules and regulations, but it isnt. It is a relationship with our Heavenly Dad. A dad who likes to see us enjoy the life that he has given us. If that includes a few sweets then I can see any harm there. No God never mentioned chocolate eggs, just as He never mentioned cars, childrens toys, or presents, or birthday celebrations, or going on holidays, or cakes, or all the other things that we enjoy today.Does this mean we cant enjoy the good things we have?
Sorry I grew up with religion and I had enough of it. I now want live in the freedom that Jesus came to give us. I had far too many "shoulds" and "oughts" at one time, and thats why I dont let these things bother me now. Its the intent of the heart that matters I am sure.
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Old 5th October 2011, 09:03 PM   #12
Raymond
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

I can't understand how I come to be the one backing Easter eggs. It's really nothing at all to do with my faith. Easter is really about Christ's death and resurrection but if people want to celebrate the new life symbol and have a little fun with bunnies and Easter eggs, chicks and the like I don't see any grounds for stopping them.
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Old 5th October 2011, 09:08 PM   #13
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

This site surely does go off at a tangent sometimes Raymond !
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Old 5th October 2011, 10:16 PM   #14
chosen
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
I can't understand how I come to be the one backing Easter eggs. It's really nothing at all to do with my faith. Easter is really about Christ's death and resurrection but if people want to celebrate the new life symbol and have a little fun with bunnies and Easter eggs, chicks and the like I don't see any grounds for stopping them.
Yes I agree.
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Old 6th October 2011, 09:44 AM   #15
abely
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Re: Muslim marriage general advice...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
I can't understand how I come to be the one backing Easter eggs. It's really nothing at all to do with my faith. Easter is really about Christ's death and resurrection but if people want to celebrate the new life symbol and have a little fun with bunnies and Easter eggs, chicks and the like I don't see any grounds for stopping them.
yah sure no one said you can’t enjoy and celebrate and have fun nor i am trying to stop anyone, but i do feel the same as you, as its nothing to do with Christianity... and it shouldn’t be put to people that way... I wouldn’t have an issue if it was just a symbol for spring and new life celebration... i just disagree with the saying of "its part of Christianity" thats all... Its like someone telling me that valentine's day is part of Christianity... i don’t have an issue with valentine's day but it’s not part of this religion! Sure God loves to have us celebrate love... but it shouldn’t be put under his name as part of the religion, its a cultural thing same as Easter.. so if someone asks what does Christians celebrate as part of their religion? Easter shouldn’t be on the list!... hope that explains what I mean...

Last edited by abely; 6th October 2011 at 10:16 AM.
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