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Old 15th April 2014, 07:24 PM   #1
laneyboy
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1
Unhappy Alcohol breaking down my marriage.

Hello, my name is Kieran and I've been married for 18 years now to a woman named Violet, who I love very much.

Without telling my life story, we met in a restaurant when we were both stood up twenty years ago, I was 21 and she was 33. We ended up having a meal together, getting on, and falling in love. Two years later we got married and we've been married ever since 1996. My parents did not approve of the 12 year age gap, but I'd fallen in love and they eventually accepted it. We lived very happily for a good 10-15 years.

Then, around about 2009, I developed an addiction to Alcohol. I'd got addicted to alcohol without even realising it, that's the most confusing thing. In my twenties and early thirties I'd always be up for a drink and a laugh, I was a good time guy and I thought I was Jack the Lad. I'd go out drinking almost every week and have a great time, then do it again and again, little did I know I was slowly getting addicted. I discovered around 5 years ago that I was a borderline alcoholic, but by then it was too late.

I continued to drink, and drink, often skipping work or calling in sick so I could go to the Pub all day and then to the Club all night. Violet hated it, she wasn't exactly a light drinker, though she drinks much less now, but she can control it whereas I can't. The situation got worse, I got sacked last year from my job as a Bricklayer and we only had Violet's income coming in, she was hoping she could stop working if I got paid some more, she's 53 now. She has a small job at a fashion shop, but it's not well paying.

We argued but I didn't care, all I cared about was drinking, but now I had nobody to drink with because all of my friends had ditched me. I suppose this didn't help with the drinking. Violet left the house for two months and I managed to get sober enough for her to return for Christmas, she moved back in then. But I soon went back to drinking, to the point where I am now a full on alcoholic. I could see what it was doing to her, it was breaking her heart seeing me in the states I'd get in, but I just couldn't stop. I even hit her on a few occasions when I was drunk and she was nagging me, but when I sobered up I'd cry, feeling overwhelmed with guilt.

Last week she came home from work to find me drunk out of my mind, I could barely light a Cigarette. I was on the floor in the lounge, leaned against the sofa, and I couldn't even bring myself to get up. I'd been out all day at the Pub the previous day and then clubbing all night, then I'd gone to a house party, then back to the Pub the following morning and rolled in at 5 pm, shortly before she came home. She was livid, she started barking down my ear hole. "You're a f***ing disgrace, I f***ing hate you, you pig!". I kept telling her to shut up, slurring my words, then out of the blue she hit me round the head multiple times, I dropped to the floor. I looked up and started shouting "If I was sober I'd f***ing do you in!" it was horrible. She ran at me and I managed to grab her arms and sling her onto the floor, but she got up and kicked me in the side of the head, then marched out of the room.

We've barely spoke since then, I'm surprised she hasn't moved out again. I've just been drinking, and drinking, and drinking. She made me go to one of these alcoholics meetings a month ago but it did no good, it just made me more depressed. My drunkenness has also led me to having several one night stands that she knows about, I'm making her depressed and I feel so guilty, but when I feel guilty I just want to drink.

Do you know how I can get through this? I love her and I know she still loves me, but I just can't stop drinking and it's ruining my life. All my friends have left me and my Wife is so close to just walking out, only love is making her stay. Please help.

Kieran
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Old 15th April 2014, 07:52 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Alcohol breaking down my marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by laneyboy View Post
Hello, my name is Kieran and I've been married for 18 years now to a woman named Violet, who I love very much.

Without telling my life story, we met in a restaurant when we were both stood up twenty years ago, I was 21 and she was 33. We ended up having a meal together, getting on, and falling in love. Two years later we got married and we've been married ever since 1996. My parents did not approve of the 12 year age gap, but I'd fallen in love and they eventually accepted it. We lived very happily for a good 10-15 years.

Then, around about 2009, I developed an addiction to Alcohol. I'd got addicted to alcohol without even realising it, that's the most confusing thing. In my twenties and early thirties I'd always be up for a drink and a laugh, I was a good time guy and I thought I was Jack the Lad. I'd go out drinking almost every week and have a great time, then do it again and again, little did I know I was slowly getting addicted. I discovered around 5 years ago that I was a borderline alcoholic, but by then it was too late.

I continued to drink, and drink, often skipping work or calling in sick so I could go to the Pub all day and then to the Club all night. Violet hated it, she wasn't exactly a light drinker, though she drinks much less now, but she can control it whereas I can't. The situation got worse, I got sacked last year from my job as a Bricklayer and we only had Violet's income coming in, she was hoping she could stop working if I got paid some more, she's 53 now. She has a small job at a fashion shop, but it's not well paying.

We argued but I didn't care, all I cared about was drinking, but now I had nobody to drink with because all of my friends had ditched me. I suppose this didn't help with the drinking. Violet left the house for two months and I managed to get sober enough for her to return for Christmas, she moved back in then. But I soon went back to drinking, to the point where I am now a full on alcoholic. I could see what it was doing to her, it was breaking her heart seeing me in the states I'd get in, but I just couldn't stop. I even hit her on a few occasions when I was drunk and she was nagging me, but when I sobered up I'd cry, feeling overwhelmed with guilt.

Last week she came home from work to find me drunk out of my mind, I could barely light a Cigarette. I was on the floor in the lounge, leaned against the sofa, and I couldn't even bring myself to get up. I'd been out all day at the Pub the previous day and then clubbing all night, then I'd gone to a house party, then back to the Pub the following morning and rolled in at 5 pm, shortly before she came home. She was livid, she started barking down my ear hole. "You're a f***ing disgrace, I f***ing hate you, you pig!". I kept telling her to shut up, slurring my words, then out of the blue she hit me round the head multiple times, I dropped to the floor. I looked up and started shouting "If I was sober I'd f***ing do you in!" it was horrible. She ran at me and I managed to grab her arms and sling her onto the floor, but she got up and kicked me in the side of the head, then marched out of the room.

We've barely spoke since then, I'm surprised she hasn't moved out again. I've just been drinking, and drinking, and drinking. She made me go to one of these alcoholics meetings a month ago but it did no good, it just made me more depressed. My drunkenness has also led me to having several one night stands that she knows about, I'm making her depressed and I feel so guilty, but when I feel guilty I just want to drink.

Do you know how I can get through this? I love her and I know she still loves me, but I just can't stop drinking and it's ruining my life. All my friends have left me and my Wife is so close to just walking out, only love is making her stay. Please help.

Kieran
Kieran only you can stop this if you want to enough. You have both now got to the point of being violent with each other and of you cheating on her, and that's the time to separate. If I were her I would tell you that when you start going regularly to AA and have stopped drinking for a year or so, maybe we can begin to work on the marriage again, but there is too much risk in staying together. You could do each other serious damage and you could catch STDs and pass them onto her(if you haven't already).

I would suggest that you seek God and find a good church as well.
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Old 16th April 2014, 09:25 AM   #3
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Alcohol breaking down my marriage.

You have opened a door that will is destroying you Kieran not just your marriage. It is obvious to you and us that you cannot afford to drink as you are. You have a big battle ahead of you. You need to get into the atmosphere of others around you fighting the same battle.

I have met people who have been delivered of this addiction through Christ but you can't use Christ you have to give Him your life to get the benefit of His help.

Look at this from Proverbs 23:29/35

Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaints? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long at the wine. Those who go in search of mixed wine. Do not look on the wine when it is red. When it sparkles in the cup. When it swirls around smoothly: At the end it bites like a serpent and stings like a viper. Your eyes will see strange things and your heart will utter perverse things. Yes, you will be like the one who lies down in the midst of the sea or like the one who lies at the top of the mast, saying "They have struck me but I was not hurt; they have beaten me but I did not feel it. When shall I awake that I may seek another drink."

I hope this will motivate you to get the help you need.
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