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Old 1st July 2014, 04:31 PM   #1
ku2luh
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Unhappy My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

Hello Everyone I am new to this ,I am looking For Some help in that I think will Be some clarity in my thinking and feeling. Im a 33 year old man. Just recently my wife came to me and said "I'm confused, I don't feel happy any more I don't feel realized as a person" to which I said "whats going on? Maybe we just need to think and talk maybe a day or 2 to clear our heads" so I went to my sisters house for the weekend and she went and celebrated her friends b-day in key west. When we came back on Sunday night she said she no longer loved me. I said "how can that be? Just out of the blue, you don't love me anymore"

At that point we had been together for nearly 10 years. We have a beautiful 5 year old daughter. We were married in September of 2012, had home and a family and not 5,6 months ago she would tell me how happy she was. We had a good relationship but like any other we had ups and downs, fights, discussions, break ups, reconciliation, but most of all alot of laughter, ALOT OF LAUGHTER!!! And so much love. When she said this to me I was floored I was upset I was hurt I couldn't believe it. At first I thought I had to work on myself and the relationship to fix things.

When we met in 2003, I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen (I still do). I was also my self a rare male specimen I was a 300 lb very muscular man, with a good job at the time, a decent car, a very active social life with a great assortment of friends of both sexes, I had many, many hobbies which I excelled at, and I played in what became one of the most known and respected musical acts in the city of Miami. From the moment I met her I knew she was the one for me and I thought she felt the same as she would say it all the time. We had some ups and downs but our bond grew stronger and there was always respect. We moved in together after 9 months of dating, we lived together ever since spending almost all of our time together. In 2009 our daughter was born and that changed everything for me all my goals and wants and perspective changed, I realized what was truly important. When our daughter was 3 months old We had a huge fight and she moved with her mom to key largo. I followed her and lived with her family for nearly a year she had already found a job and I basically became a stay at home dad, I would make money playing music with my band but my major contribution was really the daily care and raising Of our baby. In 2011 I left their house due to wanting a better more steady source of income and she h wad become too controlling, but I went back 9 months later cause I missed her and my daughter so much. Her family all moved out and left her high and dry With no place to live, I went back there and within 3 months had moved us out to one of the nicest places in key largo.

We were happy life was good, we had nice things plus we lived comfortably. We were finally a family and together, I left my band I put everyone else aside And put all my strength and effort and time into my family!!! I had to work overnight to pay the rent and have some left over money, our daughter was in day care everything was great.

The over night working of 10 pm to 7 am took it's toll on my health both physically and mentally. I let myself go BIG TIME I gained like 100 lbs. But continued loving her and working hard, I supported her decision to go back to school and stayed working over night, for 2 years I worked overnight. Until she said I needed a better job or more money. So I applied for a higher position and got it and got the raise. I will admit the distance from my family the loss of my band and everything I had worked for weighed heavy on me as well as having no friends around, I fell into a bit of a slump. I never let it affect our relationship. I loved her and told her and showed her everyday, I told her how beautiful she was all the time, I did start drinking more often at home not going out to bars cause I loved being at home with my girls.

Around February of this year things started changing with her she started saying she didn't feel young. That her life was boring, that I wasn't the same man she married. In march when we had to decide if continue living where we were or leave we decided to sign the lease, by april she wanted out of everything. She said she wasn't happy she said she didn't love me anymore. I died inside! I was literally physically hurt from it. The month that followed was the worst time of my life (and I've been in prison) it felt like I was living with a total stranger who no matter how much I tried to reason with treated me like ****! Like I didnt matter, as if ten years meant nothing. I would cry sometimes from the things she would say and how she would act towards me. It was horrible. I couldn't and still cant understand why she would treat me like that. All I ever did was love care help and satisfy, I didn't deserve.

Now this whole time I had my suspicions about a new young good looking guy who started working at her job, she denied it to the end. By may we had broken the lease we had just signed she put all my stuff in 2 boxes and 1 garbage bag. Ten years in 2 boxes and a bag. She took all our things furniture electronics car everything. I had to move back to my sisters house not to mention she told me to take our daughter for the summer. So now I lost my job my home and have to take care of my baby, but she means the world to me so im happy shes here. Even though I know I'm their baby sitter and am helping them out on their honeymoon.

Oh yes, I found out they are together it was who I suspected all along, they are already living together!!! Mind u they just met a couple of months ago. I got on my knees and begged her and cried for her not to do this, to me to us all of us but she didn't care. I have told her I don't care about what happened any of it I'll do what it takes to fix everything. She said sorry and not to write to her about anything but the baby anymore. How could she do this. We meant something. I thought we did we do. They guy is younger and thinner and better looking but those are all superficial things I had responsibilities and was upholding them happily. Maybe we couldn't go out as much cause I would get home tired and our schedules, but u dont leave a marriage and a ten year relationship for that. I wouldn't.

My questions are will she ever regret this?!?! Will she ever realize what she lost?!?! Will I ever know if she regrets!?!?! How can she not see what she did!?!? Will she ever apologize? Will she ever try and come back to me?!?! Will she realize what the sanctity of marriage means?!?! Will she realize that a good man and a loving dedicated father is a very hard thing to find now a days!?!? When will she see what she threw away when will she regret, if ever?!?!
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Old 1st July 2014, 05:37 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

She will almost certainly regret her stupid and selfish actions because relationships that start with cheating, betrayal and adultery rarely last for obvious reasons. He may well also get bored with having the child around. One or both will no doubt get bored with this relationship also and go looking for more excitement.

Having said that, would you actually want a woman back who cant even be bothered to keep promises made only 2 years ago? Even if this relationship ends, how long before she goes looking for another guy? She clearly cant be trusted.

The best thing you can do is to get legal advise on making sure you have your daughter as much as you can, on being the best dad you can, and sorting out the financial aspects of the separation.
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Old 1st July 2014, 06:15 PM   #3
ku2luh
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

@chosen thanx for replying. I really don't know if it's that I want her back or would take her back. She has proven to me she is nothing but a liar, she still hasn't told anyone not even her family or friends. She I guess is trying to buy time so people don't judge her for what she did. I guess I want to feel like the last 10 years of my life meant something not only to me but to her. I want to feel validation in seeing her realize that I was worth just working things out. I loved and still love her.i just wonder if she even thinks about me, our family, all the years.
Thanx for the advice. Legal counseling is a great way to maybe get some closure.
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Old 1st July 2014, 06:42 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

Its a horrible situation and so painful for you and also your daughter. If she hasnt told family or friends then you do it. They need to know. Its very painful when the person you trusted acts so badly, and remember its a loss just as bad as if she had died.
She is acting like a fool, but you cant make her see that. I am so sorry that this has happened to you.
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Old 1st July 2014, 08:03 PM   #5
ku2luh
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

Thanks chosen. I've told some of her family but no one says anything to me so.
Thank u for ur words, they are appreciated.
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Old 1st July 2014, 08:45 PM   #6
ronnoco
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

Hello,

I feel for you, I really do as I know exactly what you are going through as a very similar thing happened to me.

I understand your pain of how someone you loved so much can change. It's incredible how 2 people who were soul mates can end up like this. Let me tell you, people who cheat become totally different people from the person you once knew.

Your wife's actions aren't uncommon. We see quite a few posts like this on here. It's ironic how the "speech" as I like to call it can often be the same.

I do wonder sometimes if some people live life wearing a mask, putting on an act then finally the real person comes out.

Don't try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalising your cheating wifes behavior is pointless. It's nothing to do with what you did or didn't do because it is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship. It's not your fault.

It is unfair to compare a new, exciting, taboo fantasy relationship to one you've been in for years where there are kids, bills to pay, a house to run and noses to wipe. That is a ridiculous comparison. You seem like a good person who takes his vows seriously. The fact that your wife is willing to palm your daughter off to you for the summer says a lot to me - it really does.

You ask these questions, will she regret it, will she apologies, will she come back. What you are doing here is the "bargaining" stage of the 5 stages of grief. You clearly want her back, it's natural - don't try and fight it, you need to process the pain and go through the process. This is a good page : -

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-ch...b_1919973.html

You might find this one very interesting and helpful too : -

http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/sho...7&postcount=55

You can only judge someone on their choices and their actions and your wife's choices and actions are terrible. I don't understand some people.

What's done is done. Who knows what will happen in the future but for now, you really need to focus on being the best dad you can for your daughter and on yourself. I can already tell you'll take care of the dad side, follow Chosen's advice and get some legal guidance. I brought my wife out of our marital home and have the children 3 nights a week. It works great.

As for you, get back to the gym! - I love weight training, I have been doing it since I was 16. Working out will release feel good endorphin's that will help you mental state no end. You need to rebuild physically, emotionally and mentally. Also, change your wardrobe, get a new haircut, get a massage, try a new hobby, rediscover yourself but most importantly, ensure you have a support network of family and friends around you.

All the best. Tough times don't last, tough, people do :-)
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Old 1st July 2014, 09:42 PM   #7
ku2luh
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

Ronnoco thanx man. I have tried the gym already that is the only time I can kinda see an out to this, light at the end of this pitch black lonely tunnel. I have a great time with my baby girl, but just looking at her sometimes reminds me of all the plans we would make together. She is I think the personification of the love I felt and still fell for that woman. So its bittersweet moments. U r right and sound like a smart man ur words are truth. It's just so hard to think the person I loved and MARRIED was someone I never knew even after 10 years
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Old 1st July 2014, 10:24 PM   #8
ronnoco
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

It is a horrible dark place but there is light at the end of the tunnel - trust me on that.

You are in the middle of a storm and you've gotta ride it out, do damage control and then pick up the pieces and re-build.

One of the best pieces of advice came from a chap at work. He told me when you have a good day, hold on to it, savor it, enjoy it while it lasts - when you have a bad day, just let it go. To start there will be more bad days than good but that will change.

Also, you have to look at the positives and there will be many, you just wont see them all yet in this raw stage.

You miss the family unit you had and all these feelings and emotions you are experiencing are totally normal. Like I said, process that pain correctly.

Another tip, when you are with your daughter, force yourself not to analyse and go over things. Be firm with yourself and say "when I'm with my daughter I'm not going to think about her, the why's, then when's, the what ifs, etc" This is quality time for you and your daughter. If you need to do that, do it on your own time. Touch a bracelet, watch or something everything you do it and remind yourself not to do it. This positive re-enforcement will actually help you stop going over the same old ground which in turn will help you move on.

You will adapt and overcome this. Be strong, respect yourself and don't loose your dignity.

Last edited by ronnoco; 1st July 2014 at 10:30 PM.
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Old 1st July 2014, 10:28 PM   #9
chosen
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

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Originally Posted by ku2luh View Post
Ronnoco thanx man. I have tried the gym already that is the only time I can kinda see an out to this, light at the end of this pitch black lonely tunnel. I have a great time with my baby girl, but just looking at her sometimes reminds me of all the plans we would make together. She is I think the personification of the love I felt and still fell for that woman. So its bittersweet moments. U r right and sound like a smart man ur words are truth. It's just so hard to think the person I loved and MARRIED was someone I never knew even after 10 years
Yes that's very hard. My husbands first wife met another man and divorced him after 23 years of marriage. He struggled to believe that she could do something like that. Her relationship only lasted a year, she was keener than him it seems, and by then they were divorced and we had met.
Just to encourage you, we have been very happily married for 9 years this year, she is still alone. I think she was mad, he is the best guy ever. I dont know if she regrets it or not, but she has never said sorry to him.
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Old 2nd July 2014, 02:38 AM   #10
ku2luh
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

Thanx guys. I know I need to try and recover and move on. I am just so hurt by all this I still don't sleep. I can't talk about it cause I cry. I never thought anything could hurt this much. What hurts me most is how she didn't even think of our daughter and what this will mean and does mean and will do to her. She actually told me "our daughter has good parents who will do anything to make sure she is well, she'll be good" I never thought not for a second she would do this specially not to this extreme.
That's y I wonder will she ever regret? Will she realize what she's done not only to me and my life,but to our babie's life, & maybe even hers!?!?
What will it take for someone to open their eyes and see how bad they hurt someone who truly loved, truly, not some guy she just met! This is so hard!!!
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Old 2nd July 2014, 05:53 PM   #11
chosen
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

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Originally Posted by ku2luh View Post
Thanx guys. I know I need to try and recover and move on. I am just so hurt by all this I still don't sleep. I can't talk about it cause I cry. I never thought anything could hurt this much. What hurts me most is how she didn't even think of our daughter and what this will mean and does mean and will do to her. She actually told me "our daughter has good parents who will do anything to make sure she is well, she'll be good" I never thought not for a second she would do this specially not to this extreme.
That's y I wonder will she ever regret? Will she realize what she's done not only to me and my life,but to our babie's life, & maybe even hers!?!?
What will it take for someone to open their eyes and see how bad they hurt someone who truly loved, truly, not some guy she just met! This is so hard!!!
Well she is in denial isnt she, because she wants to do something that is clearly wrong and damaging to you all, so she will justify it and pretend that its ok. Its not of course.
I honestly dont they will last long.
As for you, can you get some counselling to help you over this very painful time? Its horrible I know and you will need to go through the grieving stages, and eventually in time you will feel better.
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Old 2nd July 2014, 10:03 PM   #12
ku2luh
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

Thanx chosen im looking into it. I thought she wasn't telling anyone about him because everyone will know what she did and what she really is, it's a sad sad thing to lose ur family from one day to the next! Over nothing!
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Old 2nd July 2014, 10:34 PM   #13
chosen
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

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Originally Posted by ku2luh View Post
Thanx chosen im looking into it. I thought she wasn't telling anyone about him because everyone will know what she did and what she really is, it's a sad sad thing to lose ur family from one day to the next! Over nothing!
Yes its devastating. It makes me mad how easily people will lie, cheat and break the promises they made.
Well everyone will find out in time what she has done.
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Old 3rd July 2014, 10:39 PM   #14
SadNBrea
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

I feel for you my friend. My wife has told me she "doesn't know if she loves me," and has been thinking about divorce since we got married. I recently lost my job as well.

I don't have any helpful advice, as I'm a broken man right now myself.

Try to keep your head up, focus on your child and know that things will get better. I've been through one divorce before (14 year marriage ended after she cheated on me) and it does get better.

I would give your cheating EX another shot. She clearly has moved on and she will get her's in the end. Heal--which takes time--and find yourself a good woman that will love you and your little girl. They're out there--I have to believe that for myself as well.
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Old 4th July 2014, 09:12 AM   #15
Raymond
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Re: My wife left me for a guy she just met at work :( will she regret

I wouldn't be too taken up in her getting her come uppance even though she is unfaithful. You have to keep your mind off of that as it can consume you in a dangerous way. Leave her to God if you believe in Him. That will help your healing and hope for the future. It is okay to hope that one day she will see how devastating her behaviour is to her own family.
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