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Old 27th November 2015, 07:11 PM   #1
verysadlady
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 80
Lost faith in it all

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone here for helping me in 2014 with my situation back then. I am sure no one remembers, but my engagement (not a marriage but one for all intents) broke up and it was immensely painful and the people here gave me so much help and insight getting through that post painful time.

My fiance had left, very suddenly, with no warning after many years together. He had been suferring depression and he just abandoned us and never came back. I was so confused and lost back then and you were all so kind and gave such great and warm, wise help.

Nowadays, my ex fiance never recovered from his depression and leads a hermit life. He is a stranger to me now, and to most people he knows. We did find out some time later that the whole episode was likely related to a major head injury he had some months before that may have trigerred personality changes, emotional difficulties and mental health problems.

I made my way out of the black hole I thought I would never escape and I moed home to my family and now live with my son. I work hard, I see my friends and I am healing very well.

I have dated people since all that, but not anyone I have truly had feelings for until very recently. Sadly, I ended up broken hearted again and felt like "verysadlady" again and something drew me to coming back here.

To cut a very long story short, this man was my friend for quite a while. Always asking me out, but mainly my friend. I was not interested in him romantically and it took him around eight months of asking me for a date for me to agree. I finally did and we had a lovely relationship for 3 months, where I felt, probably, truly happy for the first time since my fiance abandoned me the way he did.

3 months into it, the man I was dating. Let's call him Dougie, decided he was going to go on a holiday trip and meet up with some woman he had met once. She had been messaging him for a long time (she had a big crush on him) and he thought it would be interesting / found the attention intoxicating and decided to meet up with her.

Of course, he ended up cheating on me, and such was her desire to have him, or to brag about it, that she posted it all over Facebook, so this was how I found out. Of course, Dougie is very sorry - but I can;t forgive a man like this and so I find myself without him and just feel very, very, very sad.

The fact he would do such a thing for someone he did not even like very much, out of only "curiosity" has brough back all those old feelings of worthlessnes and dispair and loss of faith in people for me.

I was hoping someone here could tell me there were good men out there. All I ever wanted out of my life was marriage, children, a home, a loyal and loving partner and if I had that I would work every day on being the best at it.

I want to not lose faith, and I am asking God why this is happenning for me this way. I am becoming terrified to trust people, and am afraid I will always be alone or that people are fundamentally pre-disposed to lie, cheat, betray and hurt.

Please tell me this is not the way the world is, and that my husband is there somewhere?
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Old 27th November 2015, 10:03 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Lost faith in it all

Hello and yes I do remember you.

I am so glad that you have recovered from the horrible break up, but sad that this latest man has let you down again:-( I wonder if he is the sort of man who likes the chase, but once he has the girl he looses interest and wants to chase someone else? Going to meet that lady was totally crazy and to be honest I think you are far better off away from him.

I was just wondering if he was a Christian? Thing is that a mature strong Christian man wouldnt 1) have sex outside marriage anyway, and 2) wouldnt act that way chasing after other women.

Yes there are good men out there, I have one in my husband, my brother is one, my son is one, I know many Christian guys who are decent moral men who love and respect their wives.
My advise, dont even think of dating a man who isn't a strong Christian, and dont date a Christian man who thinks its ok to have sex outside marriage. If you do break up its far harder if you have had sex, and if he loves God and wants to obey Him, he will know that its wrong anyway.
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Old 27th November 2015, 10:55 PM   #3
verysadlady
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 80
Re: Lost faith in it all

Hello Chosen I rememeber you too and thanks again.

this particular man was a commitment-phobic. Loved the chase, got terrified in the relationship and then sabotaged it. It has been oh so difficult to cope with.

No! He was an athiest. A doctor.

Perhaps you are right, but the only men in my church are married or children. Ther's no single men my age and I rarely meet practicing Christian men nowadays. Perhaps that's London for you.

I was looking for a "good" man.

I thought he was one
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Old 28th November 2015, 04:56 AM   #4
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Lost faith in it all

Quote:
Originally Posted by verysadlady View Post
Hello Chosen I rememeber you too and thanks again.

this particular man was a commitment-phobic. Loved the chase, got terrified in the relationship and then sabotaged it. It has been oh so difficult to cope with.

No! He was an athiest. A doctor.

Perhaps you are right, but the only men in my church are married or children. Ther's no single men my age and I rarely meet practicing Christian men nowadays. Perhaps that's London for you.

I was looking for a "good" man.

I thought he was one
Not sure If I told you but I met my husband on a Christian dating site. I was like you, in a church where there just werent any single men of anywhere near my age. My son and his wife also met on a dating site and I know about 5 or 6 other Christian couples who did as well. Being in London you may well have far more choice that if you lived in a small town or village so it may be worth a try?
God does actually say that we shouldnt unequally yoked, and having Christian friends who are married to non Christian men, I can tell you that its very hard for them.
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Old 28th November 2015, 08:53 AM   #5
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Lost faith in it all

I know God is a matchmaker. I was getting to the stage where I needed to make an effort in dating girls but before I got into all that God brought my wife to me. I knew she was the right one and it has proved to be so. Some of her behaviour is challenging but so is mine to her. We wear each other smooth which is a good thing.

I think you need healing from those past wounds which seem to have been opened up again. It may be worth booking a healing retreat with Ellel Pierrepont. I think it is important to deal with that before you get married.

Also as Chosen has touched on don't date people who do not know the Lord. You will be asking for trouble if you do that. The scripture says be not unequally yoked with unbelievers.
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Old 28th November 2015, 08:24 PM   #6
Lindentree1
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,253
Re: Lost faith in it all

Don't give up. I'm sure there is a great man out there for you out there. Just stay away from those commitment-phobes. ; )
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