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Old 4th April 2016, 10:11 PM   #1
Nik223
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Painful time after marriage, Please help me.

Friends,

I am going through terrible time in my personal life. I live and work in Australia for few years now. My parents married me to a girl of their choice last summer & ever since then my life has all but nightmare. Actually, I was in relationship before marriage and did not want to marry another woman except i was in love with, however my family at a time of marriage created such a pathetic environment, where I was left with no choice except to go for this marriage as my parents threatened me to commit suicide and break all relations with me, had I not approached for this marriage. I was abused, insulted by my family in a very cruel manner.

Before my marriage, my wife made lot of commitments to my family and they had excellent relationship between them, I tried to convince my wife that our family atmosphere is not good for this marriage due to lot of disagreements but she said marriage has to take place.

My wife came to know everything after my marriage about how this marriage took place. She could not adjust with my parents and started fighting with me and complaining about my family, she slowly started pushing my weak buttons with her anger and tough language. One day she told me I have to choose either my family or her and when I disclosed this to my family, they were shocked. My family advised me to get separated from my wife but I denied as I had no faith in my family they would support me even though I am not happy in this marriage, but I did not know my family had duel face, On front they showed sympathy and regret for their decision on my marriage but on my back, they even were willing to beg my wife and send her with me here in Australia at any cost as they were more scared of legal matters, their pride and their reputation in society than my painful situation.

Now, today me and my family have no contacts with each other. My wife doesn't have any contact with them either. She is in India right now and in process for Australia visa in upcoming months while she works there in her hometown.

I went through car accident, government debt, financial crunch like all craps after marriage but when I discussed everything with my wife to have some patience and give me some time - She was very angry and said I need to solve my own problems. Now, my wife/in laws want to get visa process done for her in short time OR they asked, I need to leave Australia and settle back home with her permanently.

Just to bring my wife in my life, my family went up to extreme level of bad behavior with me. What ever happened to me still I try to keep my wife happy as her anger and fights disturbs me even more in my present situation when I am alone and have no support but I can not love her from my heart.

Today no one is happy with this marriage, but since the marriage is done there no option left except to survive, my wife loves me so she will not leave me at any cost even though I am happy or not, she knows all my weak points including I have no one to stand by, so she has potential to harm my future and image, so now I am in situation where I have take every step considering what others expect from me.

My marriage changed my life in dramatic manner when I was completely different person 2 years back, I feel very lonely, depressed and anxiety these days, I cry everyday once that gives bit relief for a moment.

Today every moment I feel I have lost everything in my life and strongly feel many times to give up this life.

If possible please share your thoughts where should I go.
Thank you.
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Old 5th April 2016, 11:18 AM   #2
Raymond
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Re: Painful time after marriage, Please help me.

It seems as though you were pressured into the marriage which is a very bad basis for a marriage. I think you gave into fear which is a wrong motivation for anything.

You have two choices it seems. One is to leave the past, stand on you own two feet and make a new life without giving in to fear and pressure. The other is to make a good marriage with the wife who loves you without allowing yourself to be controlled and deceived by your parents. You need to stand up and be a man I think and not to give in to fear about your parents although you need to forgive them and not be bitter against them.
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Old 5th April 2016, 02:09 PM   #3
chosen
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Re: Painful time after marriage, Please help me.

I think that you need to be independent from your family and live you own life. I dont know how old you are, but you have let others boss you around and tell you what to do. They sound toxic, and you may need to cut off contact for good.

As for the marriage, when you say she gets angry and fights what do you mean? is there physical abuse? Being that you were more or less forced and manipulated into marriage, I think that you have grounds for ending it. The worst thing you could do would be to live in India.
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Old 5th April 2016, 04:30 PM   #4
Nik223
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Re: Painful time after marriage, Please help me.

Thank you for your message guys, I am 31 and working in Australia right now but working with lots of stress as a lot has changed in my life since marriage. I can't imagine the fact that the family and parents could be my bitter enemies, they played around with my emotions and feelings. They observed carefully whats going on in my brain and took their action accordingly. Even if I sleep in nights sometimes, I get unknown fear like someone is knocking door and it could be my parents, they will do more damage to my life. My biggest disappointment is that in spite of knowing my situation or my wife's behavior or their actions, my parents are not willing show any change in their attitude.

As far my wife is concern, she loves me because she loves me, she has no sympathy or love towards what happened to me or my pain or my situation or my feelings, the fact I have understood that she will never leave me at any circumstances and may further damage my career and reputation if I ever think about separation. Second my parents and family never support me either for separation even if my wife gives me toughest time. She shows verbal abuse, heated words and tough language, when she rights she doesn't think whom she talking to likewise she doesn't show any respect for me.

I feel sad but the fact is that is because of her my parents broke all relations with me, gave me painful time, my love was taken away from me, all my dreams thrown into garbage, even if i want i just do not get any feeling to love her from heart in these circumstances.
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Old 5th April 2016, 04:57 PM   #5
chosen
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Re: Painful time after marriage, Please help me.

Do you have working visa there or can you remain permanently?
WHy will separation damage you career or reputation?

Honestly at 31 you are way too old to let your family tell you what to to. I was married and independant by 19.

Last edited by chosen; 5th April 2016 at 06:13 PM.
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Old 5th April 2016, 06:35 PM   #6
Nik223
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Re: Painful time after marriage, Please help me.

Dear Chosen,

I can remain permanently here but not with disturb personal life. As I said earlier, this was painful marriage for me but not for wife, She married to me with all her wishes coming true and she repeatedly says she loves me but for her definition of love means I need to follow and act as exactly what she expects and feels and I have noticed if that doesn't happen or if she doesn't feel like that, she gets into verbal disputes, writes me whatever she wants, hot heated arguments and everything. Many times I have to phone my father in law about her anger and behavior but he expresses like he can't help much either.

She will never leave me at any cost as she has bright future here in US, independent life and she knows how to dominate me especially my family is not there for me. She knows I was in relation with someone in past and this marriage was against my wish, so she and her parents may sue me at any time in legal manner and rules for separation are not easy either in India and most decisions go always in favor of women there.

I personally believe that as per culture of India, age of 31 is still very young but question here is not about age about rest of the life.
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Old 6th April 2016, 07:26 PM   #7
Raymond
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Re: Painful time after marriage, Please help me.

If she is in the US and you are in Australia why do you let her contol you? I would have though Australian divorce law would rule here not Indian law.
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