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18th January 2013, 08:40 AM
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#136
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 140
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Re: Please Help Me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever
You are paying for a counselor to advise your wife to go sleep elsewhere??? And not telling you what is going on too? Your wife must have been saying some horrible things that a counselor would think to give out advice like that. It is not as if you had been forcing yourself on her. I would not pay one cent to a counselor who is keeping me in the dark this way...and advising to split apart which is the opposite than what you desired...what is that going to solve?
Unless your wife is having a fling with someone, I cant see what all the secrecy is about, nor the advice to sleep elsewhere.
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I know what you mean but I have to be very careful - the counsellor could genuinely believe that it's currently the best thing for our marriage... I don't know, but after a while it can't be nice for my wife sleeping in a different house to our son.
Last edited by Intact27; 18th January 2013 at 08:46 AM.
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18th January 2013, 09:31 AM
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#137
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Please Help Me...
Is this supposed to be until Tuesday when you are again together at counselling?
One really wonders what has been said here. I suppose this is the thinking time the counselor wants to give your wife in response to what your wife said to her, whatever that was.
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18th January 2013, 09:34 AM
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#138
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 140
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Re: Please Help Me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
Is this supposed to be until Tuesday when you are again together at counselling?
One really wonders what has been said here. I suppose this is the thinking time the counselor wants to give your wife in response to what your wife said to her, whatever that was.
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I have no idea if its just until Tuesday or temporary. But I will bring it up on Tuesday.
Maybe the counsellor wanted to give her time to think and take some of the pressure off her - I really don't understand.
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18th January 2013, 01:43 PM
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#139
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Please Help Me...
That what I think Intact. It's as if she decided something and the counselor ask her to really think about it, hence the time away possibly to think.
I think it is time to hope for the best but be ready for the worst quite frankly. Having said that we are all working in the dark until we clearly know what she is thinking.
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18th January 2013, 02:19 PM
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#140
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 140
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Re: Please Help Me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
That what I think Intact. It's as if she decided something and the counselor ask her to really think about it, hence the time away possibly to think.
I think it is time to hope for the best but be ready for the worst quite frankly. Having said that we are all working in the dark until we clearly know what she is thinking.
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Makes sense doesnt it - very sad though if she just decides to throw away our family.
I just can't understand it - if she leaves me she will literally have nothing. At 39 years of age she will have to move back into her parents house - all because she won't fight for our marriage?
Last edited by Intact27; 18th January 2013 at 02:57 PM.
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18th January 2013, 05:09 PM
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#141
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 140
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Re: Please Help Me...
Well she just told me that she's staying at her mums house again tonight and I told her I thought it was a little unfair that I have no idea what is going on, I also told her that I felt a decision had been made without me knowing. She replied "it's not that, I just have so much to think about, and the counsellor suggested I take some time to myself."
It pisses me off but I just said "ok take as much time as you need, you know where I am if you'd like to talk at any point"
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19th January 2013, 09:32 AM
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#142
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Please Help Me...
Well it confirms that it is coming from the counselor. I'd try and get your mind off of it and see what happens on Tuesday.
It's a pity she cannot see her way to working on the marriage with you as love is more than just feelings. It does involve the will as well.
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19th January 2013, 09:48 AM
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#143
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 140
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Re: Please Help Me...
I am trying to get my mind off it but I'm home alone every night looking after our son.
I feel like a criminal awaiting the jury's decision - it's just so painful.
It seems like it is only her feelings and needs being taken into account.
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19th January 2013, 12:10 PM
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#144
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 140
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Re: Please Help Me...
My wife just told me that she has told the counsellor that she will give her a decision by Tuesday - whether she wants to fight for our marriage or seperate. I feel like I have 3 days to save my marriage.
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19th January 2013, 12:53 PM
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#145
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,531
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Re: Please Help Me...
I think that's very unfair, not only of your wife, but also of the counsellor . To leave you hanging like that . You've been very patient .
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19th January 2013, 12:57 PM
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#146
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 140
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Re: Please Help Me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen_uk
I think that's very unfair, not only of your wife, but also of the counsellor . To leave you hanging like that . You've been very patient .
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Yes it seems unfair. I'm not hopeful either by the way my wife spoke.
This is the worst thing I can ever imagine going through and I hope and pray that she comes to the decision that keeps our family together - that's all I can do now - hope and pray.
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19th January 2013, 05:15 PM
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#147
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 140
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Re: Please Help Me...
Well I'm afraid my wife came home a while ago told me she didn't want to be with anymore and didn't want to be a family.
We told our son together - who is devastated - she packed her bag and has gone.
I feel very hurt now but putting on a brave face for my son.
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19th January 2013, 05:19 PM
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#148
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Please Help Me...
We pray also that she sees what she stands to lose by making a wrong decision. I know what the right one is and am with you.
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19th January 2013, 05:25 PM
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#149
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 140
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Re: Please Help Me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
We pray also that she sees what she stands to lose by making a wrong decision. I know what the right one is and am with you.
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Thank you Raymond. What do you think I should say to her?
Is it even likely she could come back? Surely it's over now?
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20th January 2013, 10:20 AM
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#150
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Please Help Me...
We have never been able to read her mind Intact so we don't really know. You have done all you can very well I thin, but there is something holding her back that we cannot fathom. Really we will have to wait to see what comes up on Tuesday. I wouldn't say anything before then. She's supposed to be thinking about what the counselor said just now. I am sure the counselor will be working to restore the marriage but obviously this cannot be forced over the will of your wife.
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