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Old 21st January 2013, 10:30 PM   #1
pdb1980
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oh dear.... What's gone wrong!

hi all. Been with my partner 11 years and got married just over two weeks ago; it's the worst thing I've ever done! The day itself was great and to be fair I wasn't really bothered about getting married as "if it's not broke don't fix it" is a personak mantra. Since the actual day my wife has become incredibly paranoid and selfish - she is completely different to how she was, quite literally a few weeks ago. I can't stand being near her as all she does is call me names and insult me. i don't know what's gone wrong and desperately want out of the marriage because that ****ing certificate has destroyed the happy caring woman I used to love. Is there anyway I can annul or seperate on basis she's gone weird? I'm genuinely scared to talk to her about this as she's said she'll kill me if I mention leaving.
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Old 21st January 2013, 11:16 PM   #2
Forever
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Re: oh dear.... What's gone wrong!

You will have to go through the regular divorce process since you have no grounds for annulment that I am aware of...you can file and get the divorce settled in six months based on her threat using "unreasonable behavior". "Kill you"? Good grief...she takes the cake, does she think that marital paper gave her ownership rights to mistreat you and frighten you rather than love you in order to keep you by her side? You might want to get one of those little recording devices (Kudos to SnowMike) and record her over the next few weeks. Let an Attorney hear it...and let her hear it too once you do file, so she wont try to make good on that threat knowing she has already been exposed.

Tell her this..."Go ahead, you can only kill me once, but doing it slowly every day is not something that I will tolerate"...do not touch her if she attacks you...you will be the one to face criminal charges simply because you are a man even in self defense. You can instead, grab your favorite things when she is in the shower or out shopping, as well as any important papers and documents, and simply leave until she comes to her senses...you do not need her permission or her blessings.

What are your ages, and are there any children?

Last edited by Forever; 22nd January 2013 at 07:41 PM.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 06:00 PM   #3
chosen
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Re: oh dear.... What's gone wrong!

I think she is struggling with things, and some good counselling would help you both. You have known her for a very long time and she is ther same lady you married. A wedding is very stressful, and did you know that women getting depressed after a wedding is quite common? There has been this massive build up and excitment, a holiday(usually) and now back to real life and day to day challanges.
Its only been two weeks for goodness sakes, and you are wanting out. Sorry but you made life long promises, and so soon you want to back our and go back on those promises. Marriage is about committment, sticking it out, working at it and faithfullness. For better and for worse
Many struggle in the early stages of marriage, I know some myself. You are in it now and so you need to stop thinking of running away and stay and support your new wife.
Book some counselling and go along together.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 06:11 PM   #4
Forever
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Re: oh dear.... What's gone wrong!

I think you should leave. It will wake her up and put the relationship back into reality. I do not believe the psychobabble of stressors when it is expressed this way. What she is doing is appauling. If you dont draw the line on this now, you will be facing lots more of it. This is a power play for her, and a mighty horrible way to define both you as well as herself in marriage. You need to show her that you will not tolerate this from her let alone from anyone else NOW before she believes it is the way forward.

Once she comes to her senses (it wont take long so dont go out and sign a rental agreement for anything except a room temporarily), you will have the woman you want back.

Best Wishes
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Old 24th January 2013, 06:40 PM   #5
chosen
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Re: oh dear.... What's gone wrong!

I dont believe in leaving a spouse unless they have cheated or you are in physical danger.Its been 2 weeks for goodness sake, talk to her and find out what is wrong, because something clearly is.
Marriage isnt something to give up on or run away from after only 14 DAYS of problems, otherwise no one would be married.
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Old 24th January 2013, 07:09 PM   #6
Forever
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Re: oh dear.... What's gone wrong!

No one is talking about filing for divorce here (except him).

His wife calls him horrible names, demeans him, threatens to kill him...and all this before the ink was dry on the marriage certificate. If he leaves, it would be to SHOW her that this is NOT going to be how he is willing to live his life. If she has problems, she will likely examine her behavior immediately rather than both of them suffering row after row...with him being frightened about what she will say or do next. If this expression is how she really feels about him, then she was a great actress prior to marriage. But if not, then it will certainly wake her up. A couple of weeks staying at a friends house or even in a hotel where he cannot be reached will do her (and him) a world of good.

That is my take on it, and exactly what I would do if my husband did such a complete turn around just because we got married.
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Old 24th January 2013, 07:46 PM   #7
chosen
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Re: oh dear.... What's gone wrong!

No one can act for 11 years of living together.
This is one of the many reasons why I dont agree that living togather is right. Many marriages fall apart after those who have been living together for ages gets married. Before that its casual, and both can leave or seperate with little reason and no legal problems. There is no real committment or sense that marriage is for better and for worse. After marriage its all far more serious(or should be)promises are made, vows exchanged, and the whole dymnamic can drastically change and there can be many problems.
Getting to know someone well first, and then getting married before living together is the right way round, and being 100% commtted to that marriage no matter what may happen is wise.
I am glad that my husband never thinks to leave me when I am not behaving very well.
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Old 24th January 2013, 08:19 PM   #8
Forever
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Re: oh dear.... What's gone wrong!

Ditto on that Chosen...but I know full well that if I threatened to kill mine, as well as screaming insults and cussing at him just after he fully committed himself to me...he would be straight out the door. I would not blame him one bit and I know what that would do to straighten me out faster than any counselor could. Whatever her reasoning may be, it is appauling and insufferable behavior that no one should tolerate. Good grief, why should he...I am certain that his wife would not either.

I did not really think she was acting for the entire eleven years...but something happened to make her act so disrespectful, and now that she married him, that behavior may be masking what the real issue is. Maybe she found out something regarding him that is eating away at her and decided to go ahead with the wedding so she would be in a "proper" position to deal with it...who knows?

But this aint the way ya do it!

Last edited by Forever; 24th January 2013 at 08:25 PM.
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Old 29th January 2013, 05:20 PM   #9
1aokgal
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Re: oh dear.... What's gone wrong!

This situation sounds as if there might possibly be a physical underlying illness for such change in personality. No one is so good an actor to be 11 yrs a decent person and then goes bonkers so suddenly!

I wonder if she suffered a serious head injury as a fall or there might be a brain tumor or some other explnation? I agree he is better out of her vicinity while she in such craziness. Here in US we have the trial now of an attractive, normal looking woman who stabbed her lover 29 times, cut his throat and shot him in the top of his head/face. She found out he was going out with another, though they were not exclusive. What was she like before that explosion of fury? She was attractive and seemed normal to most. She was known to be obsessed with him but never violent. In this story she exhibits abusive actions. Women can be the abusers in a relationship, but 11 years together and she showed normal behavior.

This man should not tolerate the name calling, insults and abuse. He should not be in her presence while she is going ballistic, and this could be seriously dangerous.

Her behavior is more than disrespectful, it is pathological. He should not live with her so long as there is no resolve/explanation and treatment for these outbursts. I wonderif any mental illnessin her family? Baffling, and it sounds more like something snapped or there is injury to her. Do we have the whole story behind this situation or were conflicts going on between them and she snapped? Not how people should live. No, he should not live with her and needs to be out of there or he could be a crime statistic..

Last edited by 1aokgal; 29th January 2013 at 05:29 PM.
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