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Old 29th July 2013, 06:48 PM   #1
Scared 1022
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Scared and Don't know where to go from here

Well it's now going on 4 months since we separated and he and I still can't seem to talk without it ending in a fight. My children especially my son who is now 22 won't even speak to his father. Our daughter just turned 17 and it's the first time we had to do separate things for her and it really was bad. She cried when he brought her back and he called at 2 in the morning to pick a fight because he felt bad. I'm going to therapy weekly and he won't go. not even for our kids. There is so much damage that he's done and he can't see it. Today he had surgery and told us not to come to the hospital because it would cause problems with his sister. She apparently hates me and he's the one who cheated on me. I'm so hurt that he has shut us out of his life without a care. He's broken our family and it doesnt seem to bother him. Now what do I do. I'm hurt and really angry but don't want to rush into filing for divorce but what else can I do when I'm being treated like this?
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Old 29th July 2013, 07:01 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: Scared and Don't know where to go from here

Hi Scared.

Can I ask a couple of things?

Firstly why did your daughter cry when he bought her back?

Secondly, as your children are adults(nearly)why do you actually need to talk to him or have communication with him at all?
My husbands boys were age nearly 18 and 21 when his wife divorced him, and he asked her to stop communicating with him unless it was an emergency involving the boys where they were unable to contact him themselves. This was because she was contacting him for all sorts of stupid reasons and even still asking him to do things for her despite her having a lover, and him not being her husband any longer. There has been no more communcation from her since then, and that was 8 years ago.

You son doesn't see him and your daughter is old enough to make arrangements to see him herself(if she wants to). If communication only causes pain and arguments, then stop it completely.
If you do divorce him you can do it all through the solicitor.

You can always tell him that from now on you dont want any communication, and if he does contact you, then don't answer or block his number.
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Old 29th July 2013, 09:56 PM   #3
Scared 1022
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Re: Scared and Don't know where to go from here

The reason she cried was this is her first birthday that we were not all together. Our daughter has been sick so mostly he calls to check on her as she is due to have surgery herself in three weeks. Mostly he calls us not our son they dont speak at all. I have decided today infact that I need distance from all of this. I'm taking a step back which will cause problems as I have tried to before but I need to step back for me.
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Old 30th July 2013, 05:42 AM   #4
chosen
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Re: Scared and Don't know where to go from here

If he wants to speak to her to see how she is, he can talk to her on her phone. She is nearly an adult now and you don't need to be a go between.
I think you need to calmly spell out what you want, ie no phone calls, no emails etc. If it causes him to be mad, so what, its not his decision. You need to do what is best for you. You will need to stick to it though as he wont like it I am sure.
Is your husband still cheating? Where is he living?
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Old 30th July 2013, 05:51 PM   #5
Scared 1022
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Re: Scared and Don't know where to go from here

Not sure if he is still seeing the woman but probably and he's living with his sister of that I am sure. She has been a thorn in my side for 24 years. I am taking a step back and only going to deal with him on financial matters and household matters.
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Old 30th July 2013, 09:37 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: Scared and Don't know where to go from here

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scared 1022 View Post
Not sure if he is still seeing the woman but probably and he's living with his sister of that I am sure. She has been a thorn in my side for 24 years. I am taking a step back and only going to deal with him on financial matters and household matters.
Good for you, but try and sort your finances out so that you dont need to have much contact. Its sad when people don't properly separate themselves from their families when they marry. She is clearly very controlling and manipulative.
What is happening re the marriage? Does he wans a divorce? Do you think you would ever want him back?
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