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Old 24th August 2013, 05:49 PM   #151
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

The only other option which a friend suggested today is we have a 6 month break! In that break we set rules eg no sexual contact with others but other than that we live seperately for 6 months, limit contact and it gives him more time and less pressure.
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Old 24th August 2013, 06:01 PM   #152
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

yes I always think that a set time for a break can help at times. Its not really fair that you have to wait and wait, not knowing if he is going to start the divorce process off or not. Of course even if he does petition you for a divorce, you can make him wait 6 months or more anyway. It may give him time to realise that running away solves nothing and wont make him happy.
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Old 24th August 2013, 09:30 PM   #153
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Re: Husband has left!

It just if he agrees to it. I just can't talk to him
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Old 24th August 2013, 10:00 PM   #154
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

Just been upstairs. All of his stuff is gone. That's it I'm giving up. Genuinely giving up... I had hope when his stuff was here but not now
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Old 24th August 2013, 10:11 PM   #155
toellandback
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Re: Husband has left!

Now don't you go giving up. Just keep going. Your way , not his. I'm relying on you lol. Not sure we the type to give up. Maybe there will be a time. Don't make rash decisions. It's so difficult, I feel for you.
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Old 24th August 2013, 10:56 PM   #156
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Puglove, he may be a man who can never face hard things. He will run away whenever this happens(which it will many times in marriage). Is that what you want? A man who will never sort things out or talk things through but just disappears? What effect would that have on children?
Women need a man who is there for them. Strong, dependable and reliable. I know its very very painful, but do you think that this may end up being the best thing for you in the end? Its such early days, you have no kids and so little shared history.
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Old 25th August 2013, 12:00 AM   #157
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Re: Husband has left!

I know. It's made me rethink everything! To come back and all of his crap is gone!! Just the downstairs crap now! Pardon my French but to not even let me know he has done it is just mean!
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Old 25th August 2013, 01:07 AM   #158
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Well that's what he does, avoid any confrontation or emotion. Until he deals with that, he will never be able to have a proper serious committed relationship.
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Old 25th August 2013, 09:48 AM   #159
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Re: Husband has left!

I sent him this today.. I know I shouldn't but he needs to acknowledge his faults!! Batoug is our pug (not his real name!!)

Good morning. I'm well aware that I should not be texting you. However last night seeing that room hurt so much. While my offer of separation still stands the fact you didn't let me know you had done that just reinforces the fact you do not like confrontation or emotion. This is why it is easier to avoid me, easier to run then slug it out and try again, you tried once it didnt work out as i was still grieving so you wont try again as the thought of it not working again upsets you,and again it's something you probably you should think about. I can acknowledge I talk too much, that I go on a lot but with the help of my partner I can get through it. Whoever you end with babe unless you deal with difficult, emotional and scary things you will never be happy. I know Its difficult but thats life! Again I'm not trying to be mean but..you are willing to throw me away for losing my dad! As basically him being ill and dying caused my terrible behaviour. In all seriousness apart from have anxiety, be a bit lazy and be really awful after my dad died what did I actually do? Not what did my mum do, what did i do? I wasn't perfect by any means but am I worth throwing away forever due to a bad year, when we could have 40 brilliant ones? With trips to places, fun drunk times and pig wrestling? As I'm not anxious anymore, i just miss my husband.Again I don't want an argument it's just something to think about. I need to think about being with a man who can't confront things well in which case would talking via text be better than me going on at you to your face a home? I know I would need to stop going to the room etc and bugging you and the texting like this but I'm willing to work on it. to show im not being a bitchface heres bat pig on the moors yesterday X
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Old 25th August 2013, 09:49 AM   #160
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

Pig wrestling is what we call playing with the pug..we don't wrestle pigs!!
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Old 25th August 2013, 10:16 AM   #161
toellandback
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Re: Husband has left!

What's wrong with wrestling pigs ?? I'm always doing it lol.
Actually I don't but I feel like it might help right now
I'm always fighting the urge to txt , I don't contact my wife at all now. It's scary but its far less stressful than constant fruitless conversations. I'm in no doubt our spouses miss us , but I really have come to the conclusion that if its meant to be , it will be. If my wife decides in her own time that she doesn't want to be apart then she must find a way to bring us together. I / we have said all there is to say just now. I went out last night , met some old friends, recieved some nice words. It helps knowing I can do ok even if its for a few hours. I hope you can relax a little now you have said all of that.
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Old 25th August 2013, 12:44 PM   #162
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Re: Husband has left!

He just seems to be annoyed that I'm willing to try other options! Rather than being annoyed why can't he see that I'm a wife who truly truly loves him and will do whatever it takes even if it means living 6 months apart, I'm not giving up even though I really really feel that way as I married for the good and the bad and it can't get worse! It's not a case like he sees it as me "winning" or getting my own way it's doing whatever we can to make divorce the very last option for both our sakes. That kind of love doesn't come around very often
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Old 25th August 2013, 01:57 PM   #163
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Re: Husband has left!

Dear Puglove,

I am so sorry to read what you're going through and I can understand completely as my H left me right after Easter. It has been five months of pure hell for me. I was searching the Internet for help and came upon this forum.

Our situations are different in some ways, but very similar in others.
J
We have been married 22 years and when my H left he told me straight out he wanted a divorce. He is pushing it down my throat now and being in the US there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it because of the No Fault divorce law.

I have been caring for my elderly dad for ten years through prostate cancer, kidney cancer, and early Alzheimer's. It put a huge strain on my marriage and my H never could see or understand how stressful it was for me. I begged for counseling. Our insurance is through his job and I needed help getting information from him and all he would do is tell me to see my GP. She was of no help as she doesn't want to prescribe meds for anxiety and depression. It is very depressing to see my dad deteriorate from the vital strong person he was. I even tried paying for counseling on my own but it was very expensive and I can only work part time/free-lance jobs because of my caregiving and dad's doctor appts.

About two years ago he started an EA with a co-worker and that was the beginning of the end. He started neglecting me, wouldn't take me anywhere, etc. All I heard was her name and then he told me they were going to start running together after work. I told him I would not accept this. It didn't seem to make a difference. They were "just friends".

Last July he said he wanted to split up. I really lost it. Considered suicide. Three days later he came out crying saying he didn't know why he said it, he still loved me, etc. Came end of March I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech. He packed up his things and left. I've only seen him twice since, once by accident. He wants nothing to do with me except a divorce. I do nothing but cry and pray I will die to end my pain.

I feel exactly the way you wrote you do at the end of your text to your H.

I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom but at least your H has not started a divorce so you have some hope left there. I would give anything if mine would hold off on it. I have no more hope.

Good luck and my prayers are with you.

Unloved
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Old 25th August 2013, 04:29 PM   #164
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

Unloved. I too have considered "ending it all" as you feel it ill just take the pain away but NO ONE is worth doing that for! You have someone in your life who loves you be it a friend, family member or a pet! I know this pain is heartbreaking and others around you don't understand. I have had people tell me "if it were me I would just accept it" "sounds like he has made up his mind" they don't know anything as I always thought I would be the same!
I have also found great comfort in this forum, all my friends are early to mid twenties and do not understand this! My mum hates my h for hurting me, his dad is sticking up for his son and I feel stuck! I feel that he is running away from me and I can't do anything to stop it!
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Old 25th August 2013, 04:35 PM   #165
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

On another note I found out via his mother that while he will be in the lounge it will only be for 4 weeks and they are putting a single bed in there!!! He made it sound like he was in their for the foreseeable future and on the sofa!
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