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Old 24th December 2011, 06:48 PM   #121
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Good advice SM, thank you. No I am not going to bring the relationship up at all. I am tired though through not sleeping so good, but feel I have to be jolly to be of interest to him. I just want an early night with my book but don't want him to think I'm boring?
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Old 24th December 2011, 06:50 PM   #122
Chamomile
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Re: Do I have any hope?

As for what SM is saying, I'm not sure if such short-term tactics will make any impact on relationships in any meaningful way.
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Old 24th December 2011, 07:11 PM   #123
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Chamomile, I am not sure about anything at the moment, I just know I have felt better in myself for adopting the 180 and the book. Surely that ha s to be good for me. I have no idea what is going to happen in the future and he does seem like a quitter, you are right, but you never know, it may just work. Probably not, but I feel I will be a stronger person, better able to cope. Beats crying and begging anyway
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Old 24th December 2011, 07:35 PM   #124
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Re: Do I have any hope?

As I said from the start - no guarantees. It's about you Lisa - he's made a declaration, it's about how you feel about yourself.

If he wants out, let him go. That's the only way - if he changes his mind, then you can talk about it from a position of strength, knowing you've given it all you can.

SM
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Old 24th December 2011, 07:38 PM   #125
Chamomile
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Hi Lisa

It's entirely up to you if you want to give yourself a moratorium over the C holidays.
If my H said he wanted to leave me, it probably won't matter if it's C or not, I would still want to know more as to why.
But again, I don't know your situation very well and we're all different.
which book are you reading at the moment?

xx
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Old 24th December 2011, 07:45 PM   #126
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

love has to be tough x
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Old 24th December 2011, 07:53 PM   #127
Chamomile
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Whoever recommended it, it sounds very useful.
I shut my mouth now I don't know your situation enough.
xx
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Old 24th December 2011, 08:28 PM   #128
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Knew I'd get that sinking feeling today at some point. He is in the living room with me (asleep), but he does n't seem particularly friendly today. He seems to be making the spare room into a little bedsit, although he only goes up there to sleep. Seems I won't be getting my Christmas miracle
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Old 24th December 2011, 09:45 PM   #129
Sillyman
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Re: Do I have any hope?

This is in YOUR living room - the one he said he wants to be away from?

Sorry, but of he wants out, he has to stop treating it like his home.

Cake and eat it springs to mind.

SM
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Old 24th December 2011, 10:14 PM   #130
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Right, I need quick advice please. I have come to bed as I can't stick being in the living room with him, watching tv, laughing and being normal when it isn't. He has totally ruined xmas for me and I am sitting there pretending i am happy. He keeps getting his mobile phone out and texting (well a couple of times) and I wondering who but I am not allowed to ask. No doubt he will come up shortly to see why I have come to bed so early, what do I say because I can assure you I don't feel like saying anything the book or 180 recommends. Please help, I want to scream and cry!
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Old 24th December 2011, 10:21 PM   #131
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Well he has already been up, quicker that I thought, asking me whats wrong. I have tried to keep my cool and just say, nothing, I'm just finding things a bit difficult thats all. Do you think thats ok to say that? Thanks lisa x
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Old 24th December 2011, 10:22 PM   #132
Sillyman
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Act with respect and dignity. Control your own emotions. You can't think for him - only yourself.

SM
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Old 24th December 2011, 10:31 PM   #133
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

SM, I don't know what that means? I think I acted with dignity, he just came up with a drink for me now, I feel like he feels sorry for me and I don't want pity. Just not sure I can put up this front for a week while his daughter is here, but I have to, for her sake. I refuse to have the children upset over xmas. Feel totally bereft, but bloody angry too that he has put me in this position. And im too tired to read my book.
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Old 24th December 2011, 10:44 PM   #134
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Re: Do I have any hope?

bandit0000...

I say, "Kiss this 3X loser goodbye, and good riddance.." I don't know why a woman would fall in that trap at the beginniong? Did he gain any property/money by this marriage?

Vow to make this the last Christmas you even remember this mans' name. I don't know how you could find an ouce of feeling for a man who could cooly drop such news on you shortly before Xmas after the short time marriage! Remember, a marriage has to survive many trials and tribulations to make it through the years. This character is a quitter. As he quit on other women, he quits on you. I am sorry, but that book is wasted on this situation.

When you cook, you use decent ingredients so you turn the makings into a great pie, or good cake. You don't use mud to make pies. This man is no decent ingredient for the years ahead. What happens when you have childbirth, problems or Cancer if the man is a quitter before the race begins? He must have a pretty good looking exterior to trap three women into "I do's" when he is a strictely, "He doesn't kind of man for the challenge of life."

Dry your eyes, and firm your chin. Get him out of there. Let him set up shop in some other womans' home. You said this is your home. Don't suffer him to be there. Invite him to move on. You lost nothing...lose nothing. You should not waste one more minute of your valuable life to this bad scene. Wish him on another and get it behind.

There is no reason for you to invest more of your life..fix it up..and it blows apart after there are children or other problems and you are older, more time wasted. Celebrate life that he made his move before you invested years and years. I say ..don't act with respect. Invite him to move out asap.

If you cry and feel bad, you will get over it. You built a house on sand. Look for a good man with integrity and character next time. Find one without all those Ex-wives. That is history and history should have told you he has problems. Maybe it is him. He is the problem.
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Old 24th December 2011, 10:45 PM   #135
Forever
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Re: Do I have any hope?

His 15 yr old daughter is coming for a week...starting when? How are the two of you going to explain to her not sleeping in the same room?
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