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Old 19th April 2013, 09:34 PM   #166
freddie
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

You cannot separate the siblings in this country.

My wife wife has been talking to me and cooked me dinner 3 evenings in a row and, by the way, she hasn't got a penny left already. I have just paid 300 for our joint mobile phones account. The phones got disconnected as she had not paid the bill for 3 months. She does not have money to buy food either. I asked her if she needed money for the supermarket, she said "I will only give you a list of things to buy for the girls tomorrow to keep them eating next week, I will be alright until next Friday when they pay me". It looks like the wife is going to be on a one week diet......
And she was going to pay for the house, all bills, food for the girls, her clothes and creams, clothes for the girls and transport to work, etc. after they kicked me out of the house. Really.......
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Old 19th April 2013, 09:44 PM   #167
Forever
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

In this country, when there is a divorce or separation, each party has to give an "income and expense declaration". Then support is ordered for the children based on how much each parent makes and also based on the amount of time each parent will have the children. This is often why both parents fight for joint physical custody...so there will be very little money being given over to the other parent who makes less.

I do not know how you and she will be set up. It probably has not come down to that yet has it?
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Old 19th April 2013, 09:56 PM   #168
Forever
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Chosen knows more about the laws there than I ever could. It seems to me that if the mother is being given the "right" to remain in the house, she would have to make the payments OR you would end up having to subsidize the difference...ditto for joint bills.

I do not know if the two of you have already made cases for who is going to pay what...but it seems that the house must be sold and the equity divided. Here, if one party pays a large down payment, and can prove that he made the majority of the payments also, then he would stand to get a larger share of the net profits when it is sold.

That a Judge would order you to move, but not say who is to going to have to make the house payments ect is absurd. Did he even consider your wife's ability to do so on her own...or does he expect for you to pick up the tab?
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Old 19th April 2013, 09:56 PM   #169
freddie
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever View Post
In this country, when there is a divorce or separation, each party has to give an "income and expense declaration". Then support is ordered for the children based on how much each parent makes and also based on the amount of time each parent will have the children. This is often why both parents fight for joint physical custody...so there will be very little money being given over to the other parent who makes less.

I do not know how you and she will be set up. It probably has not come down to that yet has it?
No, that is at the time of the divorce.
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Old 19th April 2013, 09:59 PM   #170
Forever
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

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Originally Posted by freddie View Post
You cannot separate the siblings in this country.

My wife wife has been talking to me and cooked me dinner 3 evenings in a row and, by the way, she hasn't got a penny left already. I have just paid 300 for our joint mobile phones account. The phones got disconnected as she had not paid the bill for 3 months. She does not have money to buy food either. I asked her if she needed money for the supermarket, she said "I will only give you a list of things to buy for the girls tomorrow to keep them eating next week, I will be alright until next Friday when they pay me". It looks like the wife is going to be on a one week diet......
And she was going to pay for the house, all bills, food for the girls, her clothes and creams, clothes for the girls and transport to work, etc. after they kicked me out of the house. Really.......
Well, maybe she spent money on a Solicitor?
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Old 19th April 2013, 11:17 PM   #171
freddie
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

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Well, maybe she spent money on a Solicitor?
and rejuvenating creams
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Old 19th April 2013, 11:48 PM   #172
Forever
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Nice to see your sense of humor!
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Old 20th April 2013, 06:04 AM   #173
chosen
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Whoever has the children will often be allowed to stay in the house till they are 18. Then it will be sold. Of course they will need to be able to afford to live there. If the house is reasonably big it would surely be better for it to be sold and you can both get a smaller home. The girls could share a bedroom. Of course whoever is the main carer will be paid maintenance for the children, unless there is shared custody.
if she wants a divorce she will have to manage financially.I am sure she will stop paying money out on face creams if she is hungry enough.
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Old 20th April 2013, 10:36 AM   #174
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

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.I am sure she will stop paying money out on face creams if she is hungry enough.
I would not be so sure
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Old 20th April 2013, 10:42 AM   #175
freddie
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

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Originally Posted by Forever View Post

That a Judge would order you to move, but not say who is to going to have to make the house payments ect is absurd. Did he even consider your wife's ability to do so on her own...or does he expect for you to pick up the tab?
My wife said she would pay for everything, the judge didn't ask her if she had the money. Could it be that he was giving her enough rope to hang herself?
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Old 20th April 2013, 10:50 AM   #176
freddie
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

I have been having conversations with our mutual friend, whose husband has been doing to her what my wife does to me (only worse) but for years. Good advice from her. She called the wife to meet for a 'chat' but she will concentrate on telling her what it is like to be on the receving end of this sh1t. She is not even going to tell her things like go back to your husband.
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Old 20th April 2013, 10:56 AM   #177
freddie
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Remember that now that the wife is talking and saying things like "see you later", even if it is because she is penniless, I am still looking to discuss here how to deal with her.
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Old 20th April 2013, 12:11 PM   #178
freddie
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

I may have a little bit of good news. The wife and I discussed the girls' dance classes, for this term, extensively. I was already prepared with what I learned about validation of her opinions and it worked. We came to an amicable conclusion and I took action only after I asked her if what I was going to do was fair, what she wanted me to do and if she was in agreement. She even said "see you" after I dropped her off for her hairdresser's appointment in town. When I took her and collected her from the airport she did not even say thank you after 4 hours as her chauffeur.

She also called me on the phone instead of just sending texts, which is what she has been doing to avoid talking to me.

Plus now, every time she feeds me I say thank you whereas before I just used to get up from the table and go away without saying anything or helping with the dishes. I used to go back to my office to work though, but still..

Last edited by freddie; 20th April 2013 at 01:03 PM.
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Old 20th April 2013, 12:42 PM   #179
Downtown
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

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Hi Downtown,
Whilst waiting for Freddie to reappear, could you look at Corduroycape's posts?
Forever, thanks so much for the heads up. I had overlooked Cord's thread. I agree with everything you said there regarding BPD traits. IMO, you hit the nail on the head.

Of course, we will never know whether his W's BPD traits are strong enough to constitute "having BPD." Only a professional can determine that. It is clear, however, that the behaviors Cord is describing are the same ones appearing on the DSM list for BPD.
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Old 20th April 2013, 01:25 PM   #180
chosen
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

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Forever, thanks so much for the heads up. I had overlooked Cord's thread. I agree with everything you said there regarding BPD traits. IMO, you hit the nail on the head.

Of course, we will never know whether his W's BPD traits are strong enough to constitute "having BPD." Only a professional can determine that. It is clear, however, that the behaviors Cord is describing are the same ones appearing on the DSM list for BPD.
If a husband or wife has such a disgnosis, will it ever improve or will their spouses lives and their childrens lives be forever hellish?
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