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Old 26th July 2013, 04:22 PM   #31
Helen_uk
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Re: Is there something going on?

Say to her that you'd really have preferred not to have had to look , but her behaviour has been causing you so much pain you felt you needed to know what was happening .

They always go with the " You're invading my privacy " thing , however there is a huge difference between privacy and secrecy and there shouldn't be secrets in a marriage.

Try not to allow her to deflect what she's doing by turning the conversations into accusations against you . She is the one doing wrong, not you. I've found a partner rarely has a problem with you looking at their phone unless they have something to hide.
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Old 26th July 2013, 08:08 PM   #32
X-KID
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Re: Is there something going on?

Thanks for that Chosen, I guess I'm just a bit concerned that although I'm pretty sure something is going on,I have no evidence I can show her to prove my claims, as all the text have been deleted from her phone.
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Old 26th July 2013, 08:12 PM   #33
Forever
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Re: Is there something going on?

Just tell her "your right to privacy ends where my right to know the truth begins".

Facts are that being married gives you rights and privileges that no other person would normally have except for when taking those vows...that is what you signed up for. You also have the right to know how much money she spends, where she is spending her time, and what her health status is ect.....Stand firm about your right to investigate extremely suspicious behavior. You can bet she would do the same if the tables were turned! Privacy is for the loo...secrecy is for covering up immoral behavior or hiding suprise party arrangements.

Last edited by Forever; 26th July 2013 at 08:22 PM.
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Old 27th July 2013, 09:38 AM   #34
Raymond
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Re: Is there something going on?

I agree. You have done nothing wrong and it was not wrong to check her texts in view of what you was picking up. Even if she has deleted the texts you know that it is true as you have already read them. I mean what does she mean I can't take any pictures yet as I am with him. That sounds very ominous to me. There is obviously something intimate going on. The latest texts now reveal her co-operation. It needs to be blasted into the open as soon as possible. It's either him or you. She cannot have both. I wouldn't wait until you have proof to show her. She knows what is going on. If you put all the things together they add up in such a way that you can no longer afford not to confront. If she wants to save her marriage she has to leave that job fast.
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Old 27th July 2013, 06:35 PM   #35
Forever
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Re: Is there something going on?

For what it is worth...when you ran up the stairs and discovered her top being partially tucked into her trousers when found being alone with her boss...well, that is all the proof I would have needed to raise the roof. Why else was her clothing disheveled except to try and quickly hide evidence of their activities? I imagine if it were not for those squeaky stairs, you'd have seen much more but thank God you were spared that much. Most people would have already "known" simply by the fact that the cell phone was so guarded and messages were always erased...not to mention the extra time she spent with him even whilst on vacation. Sheesh!

I would tell her to hand over her cell phone and to quit her job immediately...and if she refuses or gives you any crap...or has the audacity to blame shift and accuse you of any wrong doing, I'd tell her it would be best to pack her things and leave. Checking her cell phone can hardly be considered as wrong doing in cases such as this...and the fact that she was always diligent to erase her trails was all the proof you ever really needed.


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Old 29th July 2013, 12:34 PM   #36
X-KID
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Re: Is there something going on?

well, i confronted her over all of this, and she did admit to texting him. She has said that it was a stupid mistake that got out of hand,she does strongly deny that she took and sent pictures and also tells me that there was no physical activity going on, she looked and sounded sincere when she was telling me, but something still doesnt sit right with all of this. I quized her over the whole shirt half tucked in, and why her boss looked terrified when i appeared at the stairs, but all i can get as an answer to that is, "honestly nothing was going on we were just looking for some files" Any thoughts on where to go next?

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Old 30th July 2013, 03:08 PM   #37
X-KID
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Re: Is there something going on?

well, i confronted her over all of this, and she did admit to texting him. She has said that it was a stupid mistake that got out of hand,she does strongly deny that she took and sent pictures and also tells me that there was no physical activity going on, she looked and sounded sincere when she was telling me, but something still doesnt sit right with all of this. I quized her over the whole shirt half tucked in, and why her boss looked terrified when i appeared at the stairs, but all i can get as an answer to that is, "honestly nothing was going on we were just looking for some files" Any thoughts on where to go next?

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Old 30th July 2013, 09:39 PM   #38
chosen
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Re: Is there something going on?

No one tells the truth when they are confronted.
To make sure, say that you want her to start looking for another job right now, to cut off all out of work contact, and to allow you full access to her phone and computer at all times. See what her reaction is.
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Old 1st August 2013, 05:53 PM   #39
Raymond
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Re: Is there something going on?

That is pretty wise. You already know that he has feelings for her. She needs to get all temptation out of the way for him and for her. Yes I would ask her to be open about her texts if she wants the trust to be rebuilt.
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